Alright, question number two for the Q&A segment is “What do you want most right now?”
Well, I could answer this a number of ways, and some of you may agree with certain of those ways more than others, but I’m going to go with what I want most overall. I think ultimately, even if right now I’m really craving cake and would do just about anything to get it, what I want most remains the same, no matter what other wants jaunt into my mind and take precedence for a while.
So what I want most is quite simple, but also sometimes complex, and not as easy as I’d like to achieve: I want to be happy.
Yeah, I know, it’s a cop-out, and everyone says that, but when I really thought about all the things I want most in my life, that’s what it all culminated in. I want to be happy. Really, genuinely happy. Not just the kind of happy where you feel it for a few minutes, and it’s nice, but then it’s gone, but the kind of happy where even when things are falling apart, you still feel okay, because there’s enough that makes you happy in your life that you still feel content to some degree. I don’t know if that makes sense, but it’s what I want.
If I’m being specific about what would make me happy, it would mostly come down to stability, both in terms of my finances and my job/living situation, and in terms of my relationships. I want to have friends who I can spend time and go out and do things with, who bring me out of my shell and make me feel good about who I am; who I can talk to about anything, and who can talk to me the same way. And I want those friends to be happy in their lives, not struggling. I want to know my job and financial future are secure and stable, so I can keep a good roof over my son’s head, and ensure that he can attend a good school and grow up well, with lots of happy memories of things we’ve done together and time we’ve spent. I want him to be happy and healthy, and for his funny, charming, wonderful spirit to never be crushed. I want to travel and experience life; to feel like I’m not so ‘trapped’ where I am, and like I’m doing something worthwhile. Like there’s a reason to keep living on this rock.
I want no drama, and not to have to worry all the time that everything’s going to come out from under me in some way; I just want to be able to smile, laugh and enjoy my life and what I’m doing without it all falling apart when I least expect it.
And with all that, I want a relationship that feels comfortable and safe to me, but also passionate and loving, stable and fulfilling. I could go on more about the specific qualities I’d like, but I won’t bore you with that, especially since I’ve already said more than this question probably should have warranted.
I guess, ultimately, I want a lot, and that probably seems fairly selfish, but it’s the truth. I want to be happy, and I’ll do what I can to get there on my own, but a part of me will always fear that I’ll never quite get there. I hope, at least, to reach the point where I’m content someday…but I’d really love to be meant for more than that.
Check out Mike’s answer at http://emptystress.wordpress.com, and please feel free to post your own in the comments! 🙂
(Next question: “What are you most grateful for?”)