These chapters are moving so. incredibly. slowly.  We literally stay in one spot for the entirety of this chapter.  Don’t move at all.  Who does that?  This chapter is so pointless and boring.  Meyer has no idea how to flesh out a plot.  This is just more and more filler, and I cannot, for the life of me, understand why.  MOVE ON, Meyer! Tell us something interesting! Give us some actual action!

All this chapter is is more talking and stupid stories.  I don’t even know what there is for me to write about, though obviously I’ll have to try.  But I have no qualms with saying this chapter could have been cut completely and we wouldn’t have lost anything.

Yep, cut that shit out.

Yep, cut that shit out.  Thank you.

Ugh, here goes.

So hey, surprise of surprises, this chapter starts AGAIN exactly where the last one ended, so Meyer once again cut off a chapter in the middle of a conversation.  Wheee! This is quality writing, folks!  Oh wait, Jeb changes position at the beginning of this chapter; that changes EVERYTHING!!

…No, wait, it doesn’t.  This is all still crap.

ut-that-shit-out-thank-you-o

Anyway, yeah, Jeb and Wanderer are still talking at the beginning of this one, with Jeb musing on what it would be like to get caught by the aliens and have one implanted into you.  He wonders if it hurts, etc., because he’s seen it done, but obviously never experienced it himself.  Wanderer seems surprised to hear he’s seen it happen, but then she’s immediately distracted by thinking about how torture is “the humans’ specialty” again, and I am just not even going to go down that road with her another time.

Jeb mentions that the stories Wanderer was telling Jamie were interesting, which may be the biggest lie told in this book yet, and then admits that he was eavesdropping on their conversation.  He goes on to say that she’s a good storyteller, and Wanderer says nothing, but apparently begins to soften toward him because she’s flattered…and that’s all her “emotional body‘s” fault.  My god.  One ounce of responsibility, once, Wanderer; just give us that.  Please.

Jeb continues talking to himself, since Wanderer is not responding, about how everyone thinks Wanderer hunted them down to turn them in to the Seekers, which causes Wanderer to bite her tongue, and this becomes incredibly important later in this chapter because she eventually bleeds to death.

yay

Yaaaaayyyy!!!!!!

Oh wait, that’s just what I wish happened.  No, in reality we just get to hear a few times about how she tastes blood, and we’re supposed to care because that’s entirely relevant to this storyline.  Yeeep, still don’t give a shit, Meyer.  It’s just not happening.

So Jeb keeps right on talking about how he doesn’t think that’s the case, makes a joke about her name, then continues to talk about how he doesn’t think she was leading the Seekers there, since it would be an incredibly stupid plan, and for the love of god, Meyer, we’ve GONE OVER THIS ALREADY.  We know why that would have been a stupid plan, we’ve talked before about what would have happened, we saw what DID happen, we KNOW that’s not the case, why have you gone on for an entire page about this??

tumblr_m8f94p3S2D1qd14xy

Jeb throws out the idea that maybe Wanderer was looking for Jared and Jamie, and that’s why she was out in the desert, and includes that there are only two reasons why she would look for them:  One, that she’s a new breed of Seeker with a plan he can’t figure out, which is an idea he rejects, and the other that she’s not acting, and actually wanted to find Jared and Jamie.  He trails off at the question of what she would need them for if she’s not a Seeker, and then seemingly changes the subject back to the aliens.

He goes on about how he waited for the aliens to change after they’d cut down the human population enough that they didn’t have to pretend to be human anymore, but that the aliens never did change, they just kept acting like humans, which made him wonder if they weren’t possibly becoming human from the influence of their host bodies.  He tells a story about a couple that proved to him that the aliens have the same feelings that humans have while in their bodies to back up this idea he has that the aliens are really human now, not just aliens controlling a human shell.

Wanderer finally speaks to admit that yes, aliens do have all the same feelings as humans, though she doesn’t mention that every time she has one, she blames it on Stryder anyway.  So they can have human emotions, but only when they can’t immediately blame anyone else for them.

bth_tumblr_md6qg7xoqb1rxis0k_zpsf1d767c2

Jeb pieces it together that if the aliens do have human emotions, then Wanderer must love both Jared and Jamie, separate from Stryder.  Smart man, whether he really believes she loves them, or just that she thinks she does, because of the power of Stryder’s memories.  Wanderer doesn’t say anything in response to this, but her body language as good as confirms that he’s right, so Jeb drops that line of conversation.

Next, he goes back to what he was saying before about how he wondered what it was like to get caught, except now he’s thinking about it in terms of Stryder, and what it was like when she got caught.  He’s trying to get an indication from Wanderer that Stryder is still active inside her, especially when he brings up that he wouldn’t have bowed down to alien control over his body easily and he doubts Stryder would have either, but Wanderer doesn’t respond at all to his questions.

Jeb stops talking for a bit at this point, which leaves Wanderer and Stryder time to have a little mental debate.  Stryder wonders why they ever thought Jeb was crazy, since he’s a genius, Wanderer is (you guessed it) a bitch about that, Stryder says that maybe that means they don’t have to keep quiet anymore, since Jeb knows the truth…and Wanderer asks her if that changes anything, because of the way the humans view Jeb and his decisions.  Valid.

Another valid point.

Another valid point.

Stryder mentions that she thinks Jamie might at least feel the truth, which does seem very much to be the case, and thankfully, Wanderer agrees with her on that.  She says they’ll have to see if that does either Jamie or themselves any good.

Jeb starts talking again, which Wanderer is (yet again) a bitch about because she thinks it’s rude that he interrupted her and Stryder’s conversation, though he wouldn’t have a damn clue they were having one, and she hadn’t responded at all to him during that time.  He tells Wanderer he’d like to hear more about the spiders, so Wanderer asks what he wants to know, and then MORE STUPID BULLSHIT ABOUT THE SPIDERS.  I’m not getting into it.  At all.  I’m just not. There is NO point; it adds NOTHING to this story.

Nope, not gonna happen at all.

Nope, not gonna happen.

Neither does the part about the flowers, which we now have to fucking get into, apparently, even though that’s even LESS relevant, since the flowers had ZERO to do with the invasion on Earth, but that goes on for another few paragraphs before Jamie thankfully shows up and breaks up the conversation before Wanderer can start boring us with information about the Dragons.  Only this book could make dragons boring.

Jamie sits down with Jeb and Wanderer and gives them the food he’s brought, which Wanderer scarfs down.  Jeb refers to her as “Wanda” when he chastises her for not letting him know she was hungry in the kitchen (he said she was “just being polite” but there can’t be any way he actually thinks that), and I had happily forgotten about that name, but now I guess I’m really going to have to use it, since Jamie’s accepted it too.  Fucking brilliant.

Annnd then, to make things even worse, Jamie decides he wants to talk about the fucking dragons, so he didn’t save me from that conversation after all.  Yaaaaay.  They apparently fly, and are made of jelly, and the air they fly in is also made of jelly, so they actually just swim, not fly, and they breathe acid.  Meyer, what are you, 4?!?  Where are you getting this shit??  This is a *young adult* novel; this shit is WAY too immature for young adults.  Why does anyone like this book???

It seems like this could easily apply to society now.

It seems like this could easily apply to society now.

Jamie, Jeb and Wanda (*shudder*) keep talking for a while, and thankfully, Meyer doesn’t include their conversations for once…and then eventually it’s night time, and Wanda and Jamie are all cozied up, and I figure this must be the end of this damn conversation.

…But no! I cannot have any respite from this inane crap just yet! We need to discuss how Wanda *used* to be a teacher, but it was honorary, and blah blah blah useless crap we heard about in the first few chapters! She says the aliens only wanted her to teach because of the story behind her name, and now we’re going to need to get into THAT, aren’t we?  Why is ANY of the information in this chapter necessary??

Wanda explains all the useless crap about how she got her name again, and the only interesting thing I found in this at all is that she says they switched host bodies when their host got *close* to death, which does, in fact, mean they’re all skippers, and none of that should have ever been a big deal.  So there.  Oh, and she also mentions that there are only four planets she’s never been to, and that one of them is a “new world”, but of course no one fucking asks about that, cause it’s not like that’s the ONE thing she’s said so far that could be potentially important or interesting…ugh.  So. Much. Hate.

hate-you-so-much

Jamie asks if Wanda thinks she’ll stay on Earth, which gives her yet another opportunity to get emo about how she’s obviously not going to live longer than a month, when there is ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING REASON TO THINK THAT at this point, and then they discuss how life on Earth is ohhh so haaaaaaard, because it “attacks” you from the inside, and FUCK I want her to shut up forever.  Wanda tells Stryder she’s not referring to her when she says “attacks”, but instead she means the emotions, because BOO FUCKING HOO YOU STUPID BITCH, but then goes on to say that Stryder attacked her too, with her memories.   Oh, grow the fuck up.

Stryder is jealous that Wanda is holding hands with Jamie, so she says she “learned her lesson” about giving Wanda the memories, and now they’re BOTH acting like children.  Huzzah! No maturity is present anywhere at all!  Wanda is apparently unfamiliar with the feeling of jealousy, even though she’s said things that would lead me to believe she’s experienced it before, but hey, why bother looking into that when we know this book is full of inconsistent shit like that.

Jeb decides he’s taken up enough of Wanda’s time for one day, so he and Jamie get up to go, Jeb thanks Wanda for her oh so interesting stories (yeah right), and then tells her he’ll have more questions for her another time.  Oh, joy.  I really want to keep reading now.

I don't want to be suicidal every time I open WordPress...

I don’t want to be suicidal every time I open WordPress…

At this point, Doc shows up, and he and Jeb talk for a minute about how interesting she is, and Jeb says Doc will have to talk to her sometime.  NO. NO NO NO NO NO.  It turns out Doc is going to be the one to guard her for the night, which Wanda is obviously not cool with, but Jeb reassures her that it’ll be okay again, as do Doc and Jamie, and then Jeb and Jamie leave, having given the gun to Doc.

Wanda waits for Doc to try to attack her, but he doesn’t, he just lays down on his mat outside her door, instead.  He says goodnight to her, but she doesn’t respond, so he eventually falls asleep.  Wanda decides to defy her own morals about not sleeping on someone else’s bed because it’s only the end of the bed, so it can’t really count…so she curls up at the foot of the bed and goes to sleep.

A shuffling sound wakes Wanda up, and she realizes someone’s in her room, and that Doc is still sleeping outside, and this is the first time Meyer has ended on a ‘cliffhanger’ that was actually a cliffhanger, because that’s the end of the chapter.

I don’t think there’s anything more to say about this.  I think it was perfectly obvious how much I hated this chapter, even if I hadn’t come right out and said it a time or two.  Sorry for any repetition I’ve had, by the way; it’s hard to keep free of that when Meyer infuriates you the same way so many times.

(See Mike’s take on this chapter at http://emptystress.wordpress.com!)

Advertisements