Well, that seals it: I’m done hoping this book is going to get even the slightest bit better before it ends. I really thought that the home stretch of it might be okay, because surely the story had to go somewhere, but nope, I’m done. There is no way that’s going to happen. It’s only going to get worse, in new and even more horrible ways. So I give up. But hey, I tried, and I held out hope a lot longer than I’m sure anyone thought I would. You’ve got to at least give me that.
In case that little intro didn’t make it perfectly clear, this chapter was atrocious. There was not a single thing I liked at all at any point, and so much that made me actually shudder with rage. I am stunned by how unbelievably bad this chapter was. Remind me again why anyone likes this book? How could they look past this stuff??
This is my least favourite chapter of the book so far, and that’s saying something. And there are so many pages of it…ugh…
The chapter starts with Wanda finding Jared and Jamie in their room, even though she was just there about 5 minutes ago and they weren’t there then, and they weren’t on their way there either (since she didn’t pass them in her travels; we’d have heard about it if she did). Again, I find this too convenient, but at the same time, I’m glad Meyer didn’t go into an extensive description of Wanda going to multiple places looking for them and not finding them, so I’ll take it.
Both guys look worried, so Wanda assumes they’ve talked to Jeb, though all Jeb could have told them was that she said she needed a minute. Jared asks if she’s okay while Jamie throws his arms around her waist, and again, his actions are too fucking childish for his age, and he should definitely be tall enough by 14 that throwing his arms around her waist would be incredibly awkward, unless she is a giant. Remember, Meyer, growth spurts are a thing in puberty, and Stryder hasn’t been described as being very tall.
Wanda tells Jared that she needs his help, so he stands and asks her what she needs him to do. She tells him she’s going on a raid and needs some “extra muscle”, so he asks what they’re going for as he “shifts into mission mode”. Oh for fuck’s sake; mission mode? Really?
She says she’ll explain on the way because they don’t have much time, and of course Jamie asks if he can go too. Both Jared and Wanda shoot him down, so he lets go of Wanda and sulks on the mattress, because again Meyer has forgotten how fucking old this child is and that that is not the kind of reaction a 14 year old boy would normally give in that situation. Especially not after all he’s been through.
This will seriously never stop annoying me. As a writer, you are supposed to get to know your characters well enough that they almost take on a life of their own; they do things regardless of what you thought you wanted them to do and how you wanted them to do it. Meyer clearly does not do this, because she has yet to keep any character consistent in this book (even Doc, at this point, has gone off track), and she doesn’t even know her own characters well enough to write them properly based on their ages. For a bestselling author, she sure is shit at writing characters.
Jared and Wanda leave, going back toward Doc’s office, because Wanda wants to use the secret entrance/exit there to leave instead of the main entrance, because she doesn’t want to have to explain what she’s doing to anyone whose path she might cross. No, she wants Doc to have to do that for her, so he can take the brunt of any anger they might feel regarding the situation. God, she’s so thoughtful.
Oh, I know I didn’t mention the secret entrance/exit when she mentioned it in a previous chapter, so you might be a bit confused by that if you’re not actually reading the book (I envy you), but that was because I really didn’t see the point of mentioning it since it was clearly just another detail she threw in that was useless information at the time, but that was going to be conveniently necessary in the future.
I’m willing to bet that Meyer got to this chapter, then realized that with the way she set things up she couldn’t have Wanda leave without Jeb, Aaron and Brandt seeing her on her way out, so instead of trying to figure out a way around that, she just went back to the chapter where she laid out the ‘map’ of the caves and added in the secret entrance to get around it. No part of me believes she actually had the forethought to put it in at the time she wrote that chapter.
Wanda asks Jared if he knows where Lily is, saying she doesn’t think she should be alone. Suddenly she cares, when she’s desperate to change the subject because she doesn’t want Jared to figure out she’s planning to kill herself, but she didn’t care at all when it wasn’t convenient for her. Great. If you didn’t think she should be alone, Wanda, you should have stayed with her instead of running off to contemplate keeping the woman who MURDERED HER BOYFRIEND alive, or at least should have found someone to be with her then. Don’t pretend to care now. It’s offensive.
Jared says that Ian is with Lily, so Wanda says Ian is “the kindest” (what is she, 5?), then worries about who will comfort Ian when she dies. Well, at least she gives a fuck about someone, even if it is for all the wrong reasons.
Jared asks what they’re in such a hurry to get, so Wanda tells him they’re getting cryotanks, and somehow, Jared doesn’t have any questions about that. He just keeps running along with her, not saying anything, until he decides to ask where they’ll get them. I guess after all their time together ‘raiding’ and such, he probably trusts her, but even so, I’d think he’d still have a question or two. He is human, after all, and humans are curious by nature.
Meyer tries to pass off Jared’s lack of curiosity by saying he’s too focused on planning the raid, but that’s a little bit ridiculous to me. She’s clearly only refraining from telling him now so it can be more substantial later when he does find out, but that’s just not the way this would go in real life. Especially not when Jared knows the Seeker is back at home, and that’s a more immediate concern that needs to be dealt with.
Wanda tells Jared that empty cryotanks are stored outside Healing facilities until they’re needed, which makes them just so useful in emergency situations, since obviously in an emergency you can either wait to remove the soul until you’re at a Healing facility, or take it out and get to a Healing facility before it dies, which Wanda already said would not work because they don’t last long enough outside of their host body. Yep, this makes total sense. Especially because Wanda said they’re only taught how to remove the souls for emergencies.
This leads me to wonder: Why do the aliens care about removing the souls without harming the host bodies, anyway? I understand why they’d want to be able to do it without harming the soul, but why would they care about the body, if they only remove them in emergency situations or when the host body is about to die?
I mean, if the body’s going to die anyway, damage to it wouldn’t matter, and if it’s an emergency, I would say the removal would be either because the body was severely damaged already, or because its host was really messed up or too resistant, in which case it would not be usable by anyone else (especially since they’ve stopped using adult bodies as hosts for that reason). Really, the only time they’d do that is with one as stubborn as Wanda’s Seeker, who wants to go a turn in a resistant body to see if she can control it any better. So it just seems like the aliens would not, at any point, have bothered to figure out how to do this…but oh wait; they’re all things wonderful, so that’s the excuse Meyer would use. -_-
…And I just realized that we actually knew that it was possible to remove souls from host bodies without harm to either all the way back in the chapter when Wanda decided to leave San Diego (I think it was San Diego…) to get rid of Stryder, because she was talking about going on to a different life, and the worry was that the Seeker was going to put her soul into Stryder’s body, which was something that was considered to be absolutely possible. So Wanda’s “big secret” was actually not really a secret at any point in the book. We knew it all along. Just…wow.
That also means that Wanda does know whether or not the host’s mind will come back after the soul is removed, because it obviously doesn’t disappear, or there would have been no reason for the Seeker to put herself into Stryder’s body, because Stryder would have been gone already and therefore useless to the Seeker. So…all of the ‘important plot points’ (I use that term very loosely) of the last chapter were things we already knew. Yep.
Anyway, back to the cryotanks. They’re stored outside of Healing facilities, and Wanda says there’s a surplus of them because more souls are coming in than leaving. She also says that no one will guard the tanks, so the aliens won’t notice if some go missing. Oh, how fucking convenient. Also, this makes no sense, but you’ll see why that’s the case later.
Why would nobody guard the tanks?! Aren’t they kind of important? Do they not guard them because there’s a surplus, or do they just feel that there isn’t anything the humans could do with them that would be harmful enough to worry about them being stolen? I could see why that might be true, but at the same time, humans can sometimes be pretty inventive; I’m sure we could at least make use of the parts that make up the cryotanks to form other things, if we so desired. Oh well, not a big deal, I just hate that this is so fucking convenient again. Of course they’re not guarded.
Jared asks where she got this information, and she tells him that she saw them in Chicago, as well as crated outside the Healing facility they went to in Tucson. So in other words, she actually doesn’t know anything about them, because she’s only briefly seen them on a couple of occasions. Well, I know I’d feel good about that if I was Jared.
He asks how she can be sure of…something, which she assumes is how she can be sure they’re tanks, if she saw them in crates, and she asks if he’s noticed the aliens’ fondness for labels. Oh dear god, are you fucking serious? “Fondness for labels”? Holy fuck, this is stupid. Everything is conveniently fucking labeled so Meyer doesn’t have to think at all about how to make the upcoming scenes work. She doesn’t want to have to do any real writing, so she’ll just pass it off as the aliens being super fucking organized and loving labels, so Wanda and Jared can waltz right in without anything of interest happening at any fucking point. I’m gonna lose it, I swear.
There are a few problems with your stupid labeling shit, though, Meyer: For one, if everything is fucking labeled, aren’t the aliens just asking for the humans to come and raid everything they’ve got, since it’s pretty fucking easy for them to tell what everything is, and they supposedly don’t guard any of it? And on top of that, if they’re so fucking obsessed with labeling and organization and whatever the fuck, why the goddamn hell wouldn’t they have labeled the individual tanks, as even humans would have done, which would mean that they certainly would notice that some were missing? Especially if the humans have to make trips like this more than once, thanks to Wanda’s stupid fucking ‘deal’ with Doc!
Fuuuuck, this is so fucking stupid! And that’s on top of the fact that Wanda is apparently all upset and stressed and sad at this point, so what the hell is she doing making lighthearted comments like “Haven’t you noticed our fondness for labels“? BE. FUCKING. CONSISTENT. Seriously.
Jared says he’s not doubting her, he just wants to make sure she’s thought it through, which she hasn’t at all, so it’s good that he’s being cautious. There’s apparently a double meaning in his words, though that makes no fucking sense because he’d have absolutely no reason to suspect that she would be planning to kill herself since, as mentioned in the last recap, there is NO FUCKING GOOD REASON TO DO THAT, so a normal person’s brain wouldn’t go to that. He would just be sincerely hoping she wasn’t leading them into something stupid without thinking about it.
The only other double meaning there could be is that he’s worried that she’s trying to put him in danger, or doesn’t realize that she might, by not killing the Seeker, which would mean he doesn’t trust her as much as it seems like he does, in which case I don’t know why he’d even go through with this without knowing WHY she wants the goddamn cryotanks. None of this makes any fucking sense.
Wanda says she’s thought it through, though, so off they go, and luckily for them, Doc is already gone. Convenient? I think so! Wanda wonders how Jeb and the others are taking what Doc’s got to tell them, and hopes they’re not discussing it in front of the Seeker, because she’ll ‘assume’ Wanda has turned traitor and will destroy her host’s brain from the inside. She won’t have to assume, Wanda; removing her from her host body when it’s not her idea would be nothing other than a betrayal in her eyes, so if she hears them talking about it, you can guarantee you’ll return to shredded Seeker brains.
Oh, wait, we know the Seeker is secretly a coward and wants too desperately to live, so even if she does know what Wanda plans to do, she won’t shred her own brain, so this was all pointless to consider. Yay.
Wanda wonders if she’s just giving the humans what they need with no restrictions – WHICH SHE SHOULD BE – because she’s not sure if Doc will keep his word, but then in the same breath she decides he will try to, he’ll just need someone to help him, and she’s not sure who will do that. Hopefully no one, because it’s a stupid fucking plan, and Doc would never do it if she didn’t make him feel so guilty, so maybe if no one helps, things won’t turn out quite as stupid as she’s trying to make them be.
They climb through the vent and go down the hill, to the tune of Wanda’s excessive angst about her “gentle brothers’ and sisters’ lives” that she’s putting into “the angry and motivated hands of (her) adopted human family”, because she still hasn’t learned fucking anything and clearly only exists to make me angry.
“My humans had every right to hate the souls. This was a war, and I was giving them a weapon. A way to kill with impunity.”
Yes, the humans have every right to hate the souls, but otherwise, whaaaaaat? They don’t want to use the ‘weapon’ you’re giving them to kill the souls, they want to use it to save the humans! They’re not intending to kill anyone, and you’ve got no proof they ever were! They just wanted to bring their own back. You’ve made Doc promise to keep the souls alive, and he’s agreed, however stupid it is, so if that happens they won’t even be killing anyone at any point, just saving lives all around! YOUR KIND ARE THE KILLERS, WANDA, BECAUSE THEY STOLE THE HUMANS’ LIVES COMPLETELY UNPROVOKED. GET IT THROUGH YOUR FUCKING HEAD.
Jared and Wanda run through the desert as the sun begins to rise, because they know the Seekers will be out looking for humans during daylight and they don’t want to be caught. I’d like to think they’re also running because Wanda has, without warning, just left Aaron and Brandt, who want to be able to properly grieve over Wes, standing guard indefinitely, with Jeb expecting Wanda back after a ‘breather’, and Doc having to deal with the position she just put him in, so she wants to get back to them as quickly as possible, but come on, it’s Wanda; she’s not that considerate. She’s only running for her own safety; fuck everyone else.
The whole next section is complete and utter bullshit, because it’s all just Wanda trying to make herself feel better about her decision. She thinks it would be wrong to ‘arm’ the humans ‘in exchange for the Seeker’s life‘ (even though she shouldn’t be fucking saving the Seeker at all, especially because, as she states here herself, the Seeker “would count her own life dearer than the lives of many“, so she clearly shouldn’t be allowed to live), and decides that the Seeker isn’t worth selling out the others, but that she has to do this because this will happen again.
She goes on about how the humans will kill any soul they encounter unless she gives them another option, but that’s not true; they didn’t kill her, did they? And they didn’t even kill the Seeker without checking with Wanda first, even though she killed someone, so what proof does Wanda have that they’d kill the souls at all, for any reason other than an accident as they try to find a way to bring back the humans (which they promised not to do while she’s around anyway)? They’ll only intentionally kill the ones that attempt to kill them. Which seems entirely reasonable, as the souls do the same goddamn thing, or they wouldn’t carry weapons around. So far, Seeker is the only one who intentionally killed someone who didn’t deserve it, because he didn’t have a chance to attempt to kill her before she shot him.
“More than that, I was going to save Melanie, and that was worth the sacrifice. I was going to save Jared and Jamie, too. Might as well save the repugnant Seeker while I was at it.”
Yeah, of course, lump a murderer in with 3 people who did absolutely fucking nothing except try to survive, and none of whom have actually intentionally hurt anyone at any point. That’s totally fucking fair. They’re obviously just as bad as her just by virtue of being human, and she’s obviously just as deserving as they are of life, after murdering one person in cold blood and attempting to murder a second. This is so unbelievably fucked up.
“The souls were wrong to be here. My humans deserved their world. I could not give it back to them, but I could give them this. If only I could be sure that they would not be cruel.”
Oh, what the fuck? Once again, you see that the souls are the ones in the wrong, and that the humans have done nothing but try to defend themselves, yet you think the humans shouldn’t be cruel? Is it not fucking cruel to you that your kind tried to fucking erase EVERY HUMAN ON EARTH so that they could use their bodies, when the humans did NOTHING to them? Why shouldn’t they be “cruel”? They cannot possibly do anything as bad as what you’ve done to them, even if they do outright murder every soul they encounter! Being imprisoned in your own body while someone else uses it for purposes you never would have, for the rest of your life, is far worse – and definitely crueler – than death! Fuck you, Wanda!
“I would just have to trust Doc, and hope.
And maybe wring the promise from a few more of my friends, just in case.”
You manipulative little shit. You’re not even trying to hide it any more, you’re just coming right the fuck out with your manipulative crap! You better not “wring the promise” from a single fucking other person, you bitch. How dare you act like you feeling guilty is enough that you should kill yourself, but then go on to make other people feel guilty? You seriously do not give a shit about ANYONE but yourself, do you??
“I wondered how many humans lives I would save. How many souls’ lives I might save. The only one I couldn’t save now was myself.”
FUCK YOU AND YOUR EMO BULLSHIT. Once again, YOU MADE THIS DECISION, YOU CAN STOP IT. And trust me, no matter what you do, YOU are not going to be saving ANY humans lives, you’re going to COST human lives, and you’ll get credit for NOTHING more than that. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
It’s amazing how much rage this book induces in me. I’m only 3 pages in, and already almost on page 7 of this recap, because this chapter is so infuriating. I can’t even think straight with how angry I am, sometimes.
They keep running until they get to the Jeep, then head into the cave that it’s hidden in. Jared grabs them some water, which they sit in the cave and drink before Jared mentions that they’ll need to wait until dark if they want to steal the cryotanks and not get caught. It’s fucking JUST become morning, and Jared thinks that “I could tell you were in a hurry to get out of there” is a good enough reason to have run all that way, when they can’t even fucking DO anything for at least another 12 hours? Really?
She only wanted to get out of there so she wouldn’t have to explain herself! She wanted Doc to have to do it for her! Now the guys are going to have to guard the Seeker for the entire day and the night while these selfish bastards go get the tanks! That’s not “a breather”, you inconsiderate bitch!
Wanda says it’s fine that they’ll have to wait because she’s sure the guys will wait for them now, proving she really just does not give even the slightest of shits about how anyone else feels, and then they start talking about the Seeker so that Wanda can be emo again about how the Seeker was given better living conditions than she was. Yayyy, this is SO FUCKING IMPORTANT, I’m so glad Meyer included it in this chapter! It just wasn’t long enough without it!
“‘Why are they so kind to her?’ I whispered. ‘She killed Wes.‘”
HYPOCRITE. FUCKING HYPOCRITE! You want to whine about how they gave her a mat and a pillow when she killed Wes, while you’re trying to SAVE HER LIFE and let her go SCOT FREE after she killed Wes? How the fuck can you even ask that question? Ask yourself why YOU’RE being so kind to her! THAT I would love to know!
Jared says the reason they’re so kind to the Seeker is because after the way things went with Wanda, they don’t want to feel like ‘monsters’ again, so they’re trying to make up for that with the Seeker. Oh my god, Meyer, really? No one is that stupid! NO ONE would think that not giving a comfortable bed and food to someone who MURDERED one of their friends would make THEM a monster! That is fucking ludicrous!
Why did you bother to add this? Because you didn’t think Wanda whined about enough? Because you didn’t think we got that you were trying to make her seem slighted all along? Just because your reasons were bullshit doesn’t mean we didn’t fucking get what you were going for! But there is NO FUCKING WAY this shit is believable, especially since BRANDT is one of the ones guarding her, and SHE SHOT HIM. Brandt is not going to want to give her a bed after she nearly killed him! He’s not going to feel bad, or even worry about EVER feeling bad for depriving her of something, when SHE ALMOST DEPRIVED HIM OF HIS LIFE. How is this book getting more and more stupid by the page?!?
He goes on to say that the humans didn’t realize that treating the Seeker that way would upset Wanda, and that they thought she would like it…does anyone see the problems with this?! Firstly, OF COURSE it would fucking upset her; it would upset anyone, and they’re smart and empathetic enough to know that! Does Meyer ACTUALLY think humans lack empathy??
Secondly, if she LIKED that you were treating the Seeker nicely, Jared, why the fuck would you want to give her a chance to keep the Seeker alive?? You KNOW she deserves to die, and if you think Wanda is going to empathize with the SEEKER instead of with her ‘family’ and the supposed friend of hers who DIED, WOULDN’T THAT BE A WARNING SIGN TO YOU THAT SHE MIGHT NOT HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART?? It would be to me! Oh my god, I can’t handle this shit.
Wanda pretends that she does like it that they treated the Seeker that way, because “it’s always better to be kind” (then why don’t you fucking try it sometime), but I know she still doesn’t, and so does she. She feels better that they were thinking about her, though, because of course she does; she’s an egotistical bitch.
“‘It’s not a good feeling – knowing that you profoundly deserve the title of monster. It’s better to be kind than to feel guilty.‘”
*shudders with rage* YOU. ARE. NOT. THE. FUCKING. MONSTERS! Unless Jared is trying to guilt Wanda into realizing that she is the monster here, this is just more fucking bullshit that I cannot ever imagine Jared being stupid enough to believe in. I HATE THIS BOOK! I HATE THIS BOOK AND EVERYTHING ABOUT IT!
Jared decides they should sleep, which Wanda agrees to, because she doesn’t want him to ask any more questions about their raid, though he seriously fucking should have by now instead of talking about this inane bullshit. They lie down on the ground, because that’s obviously more comfortable than climbing into the Jeep would be, and Jared starts to spoon Wanda, and I’m supposed to care about that but I just fucking don’t.
Blah blah blah, Wanda thinking because she has a hard time sleeping cause she’s getting exactly what she wants from Jared and getting what she wants is always worth complaining about, just like EVERYTHING ELSE THAT EVER HAPPENS, whining about how she doesn’t have enough time left because the time until her SELF-IMPOSED death will go too quickly, and then Jared’s waking her up and it’s sunset because of course it is.
Jared helps Wanda up and gives her a meal bar and some water, then asks her if she’s still in a hurry. She says she is, despite that she just slept for an entire day, and they get into the Jeep. Jared decides they should go to Phoenix because it’s “logical” that the aliens wouldn’t notice that kind of raid (oh for fuck’s sake), because he doesn’t know what possible use the humans could have for the aliens’ cryotanks. Okay, sure. Fuck it; we’ll go with that.
Wanda ignores him because she’s a bitch (I can see no other reason why she would at this point), and then the next thing we know, it’s dark and they’re trading vehicles and getting on the freeway. Blah blah blah, they drive to Phoenix, Jared being careful to stay under the speed limit this time, and then they’re finally in the parking lot of the Healing facility. It only took 5 and a half pages of nothing.
They drive around the back of the building looking for the tanks, and a lot of aliens are walking around as they go, but of course they pay no attention to Jared and Wanda, because no one pays attention to Wanda when she goes anywhere, but we always have to hear about it anyway. They head toward some shipping trucks as Wanda reads the labels on all the crates they pass, thinking they might want to pick up some of the ones that have medical supplies in them as well.
As they go, she notices a crate that says “Still” on it, and I’m only mentioning this because now that it’s come up once, it’s undoubtedly going to come up again, because why else would she have noticed it, so there you go.
Wanda is happy to see all the labeled, unguarded crates, because she feels it means that when she’s gone, the humans will have everything they need, but the fact that they’re directly ‘unguarded’ does not negate the fact that there are aliens walking around all over the place, and the humans will not be able to get by with all of them there. But, hey, I’m sure it’ll all work itself out, right Wanda? Why consider that?
When they get to the back of the building, they notice people unloading crates more carefully, which is apparently notable because it means they must be unloading cryotanks. Guess they’re fragile or something. Unsurprisingly, they are cryotanks, as confirmed by the label that Wanda sees when it is ever so conveniently turned directly toward her for no real reason, but they’re the occupied ones, which just means that the unoccupied ones can’t be far away.
Lo and behold, Wanda sees a shed half full of unoccupied cryotanks and points it out to Jared, telling him that that means that the closed sheds on the other side are probably all full of unoccupied tanks as well. Jared keeps driving, and as they reach the corner of the building, he snorts, noticing that the building is labelled the ‘maternity wing’.
Meyer, you are not clever. I want to be angry, but I’m just fucking drained, so all I’m going to say is that you’re not clever, and fuck off. Please.
Wanda says they’ll have to wait for a bit, but that it looks like the souls are almost finished their work, which makes it seem like she knows they’re all going to go away soon, even though she’s never seen any of this before so she really doesn’t know that for sure. They could be there all night, for all she knows, though of course they won’t be because convenience. So I guess the humans will be able to steal stuff later on after all. Huzzah.
Jared circles the hospital again for some reason, though I’m pretty sure doing it in the first place was suspicious enough, so now he’s just making it obvious that they don’t belong there (especially since they’re driving about in a car, and every other vehicle there is a truck of some sort, unless Meyer’s going to say they took one of the vans/trucks they somehow have, but either way, it wouldn’t be the same as what the souls have), and then parks at the back of the parking lot, away from the lights, because again, that’s totally not suspicious at all. Good thing this time the aliens really aren’t suspicious, unlike every other time they weren’t suspicious but actually were!
Jared turns off the car and holds Wanda’s hand, then asks her if she’s going to save the Seeker. She says she is, and he guesses that it’s because it’s “the right thing to do”, EVEN THOUGH IT’S FUCKING NOT, and she agrees that that’s one reason. What are the other reasons, exactly? I’m still trying to figure that out.
Jared asks if she knows how to get the soul out without hurting the body, but he asks it as though he assumes the answer to be yes, which again doesn’t make sense to me, because I’m not sure why he’d assume the aliens would care about that. I know why HE would care if they could, so maybe he’s just asking for that reason, but I dunno. I have to wonder, though – would they even want the human whose body the Seeker is in back? Earlier in the book, it was mentioned that the souls seem to take on aspects of the hosts, so maybe the human host was just really fucking evil…you never know!
Wanda confirms that she knows how to remove the souls safely, and tells Jared she’s done it before in an emergency, but not on Earth. He asks where she did it and what the emergency was, and now I just want someone to shoot me, because it’s ANOTHER FUCKING ALIEN STORY. When will these ever end?!
I sincerely hope this is the last one, because it is by far the WORST one, and I can’t handle it if they somehow get worse than this. As it stands, I’m just about to write about this one and it’s making me feel like dying. Please, book, spontaneously combust or otherwise just disappear….I want to be done now…
The entire rest of the chapter is this story. She leads up to it by thinking how much Jamie would have loved it, but since she’s so not going to die before the end of the book, I’m sure Jamie is going to have to hear it too, which makes me feel quite ill…and then she says it happened on the Mists Planet, when she was named Lives in the Stars (because of her ‘reputation’; hahahaha I’m Wanda, I’m SO FUCKING SPECIAL).
She was with a friend and a guide, and they were travelling across an ice field to see “one of the more celebrated crystal cities“, and they thought that they were on a safe path, but then BAM, Claw Beast out of the snow. God, you cannot imagine how little I want to be summarizing this story right now, but I’m trying to make it a little fun, at least. Forgive me if I fail completely; it’s not an easy job.
“‘An average adult Bear has about the mass of a buffalo. A full-grown claw beast is closer to the mass of a blue whale. This one was bigger than most.‘”
A Claw Beast is…close to the mass of a blue whale, and…this one is bigger than that. I…cannot even begin to explain how many problems there are with this. I can’t, and to be completely honest, don’t even want to, because I’m afraid I might have an aneurysm. Luckily, I’ve found this handy little link where Matthew from Bad Books, Good Times outlines exactly why the mass Meyer is referring to here is fucking bullshit, and you can find that here (http://procrastinatorsrant.wordpress.com/2013/10/02/bbgt-extra-credit-stephenie-meyers-claw-beast-is-just-ridiculously-implausible/). So please, give that a look so I don’t need to go over it again and thusly die.
Moving on past that stupidity, then (thank you, Matthew, sincerely), we find that the Claw Beast has sprung up between Wanda and her friend and their guide, and it quickly proceeds to saw her friend clear in half with its pincers. Nice.
Instead of running, like she should do since Bears are apparently faster than Claw Beasts, Wanda hesitates, but lucky for her, her guide starts to distract the Claw Beast by attacking its tail so that she will have a chance to run. Wanda can’t remember the guide’s name despite that he put himself in mortal danger for her, because she’s JUST THAT CARING, and instead of using his distraction to get away, she STILL STAYS THERE.
The Claw Beast turns on the guide, hitting her friend’s body as it does so and knocking his torso such that it lands next to Wanda, and again, instead of running, Wanda decides to do something she admits is stupid. She decides she can’t stand to let her friend die, even though she acknowledges that she has no body for him and she’s too far from any city to get to one before he would die, and she’s got no painkillers to give him while she removes him from his host, so as selfish as it is, she uses the ice cutting side of her hand and cuts into his brain and removes him.
So…she risks more trauma and pain coming to her friend because she wants to, basically, and this is supposed to make her seem like a good person because it turns out alright in the end. Great.
When she’s got her friend’s soul out, she notices that he’s barely alive, so she shoves him into “the egg pocket in the center of my body, between the two hottest hearts“, and I am now completely, thoroughly disturbed. That’s disgusting, and incredibly stupid to boot!
She knows the soul will only last a few minutes without a body, and she doesn’t think she can remain conscious enough to perform a procedure that would allow her to insert him into her own head to share her host with him (as though she’d actually be willing to do that if she could), even if she did have the healing medication necessary to survive that procedure in the end, because Bears have too many hearts to survive the blood loss it would lead to, so she doesn’t know what to do.
Suddenly, the Claw Beast roars, and Wanda begins to panic at the thought that it will turn on her soon, but then decides to use the Claw Beast as a host for her friend. Meyer takes a while to lead up to this, as she always does, but that’s where it goes in the end, so you’re welcome.
She jumps up onto the Claw Beast’s leg and pulls herself up the side of it until she gets up to its head, in a way that makes it clear that Meyer has seen far too much cheesy movies, and then she digs into the Claw Beast in ways that don’t make any sense at all for reasons you’ll see in the link I provided above.
Then blah blah blah, unnecessary drama relating to all this that I’m not going to bother going into because it doesn’t matter at all, and after a few too many paragraphs of this crap, she finally removes her friend from her disgusting egg pocket and shoves him into the Claw Beast’s neck. Cause, y’know, neck is the same as brain. Definitely.
The Claw Beast gets up and throws Wanda off, and it’s angry now, so it comes storming toward her, ready to attack. It doesn’t end up hitting her, though, it just hits the snow next to her and then looks confused, which is hilarious to Wanda, despite the fact that Bears don’t laugh so it’s actually fucking not. Yeah, she bothered to write that.
Her friend takes a bit of time to get acclimated to being a literally impossibly large beast all of a sudden, and to having a smaller brain to work with, but then realizes that Wanda is his friend, and lets her ride him to the crystal city, holding his wound shut.
Wanda says that after that, people started calling her Rides the Beast, which she didn’t like, so she made them go back to her other name, and then that’s the end of the story, thank fucking god. I tried to summarize it as quickly as possible, but it was something like 2.5 pages long, so it didn’t end up going as well as I wanted it to.
Wanda looks at Jared when she’s finished talking, and sees that his eyes are wide and his mouth is hanging open, so she starts silently praising herself about what a good story it is. It is NOT a good fucking story, Meyer, it’s stupid, it’s impossible, and NO ONE in their right mind would ever believe it. I hate it. So much.
Wanda thinks about how she’ll need to get Wanda to tell the story to Jamie when she’s gone, then realizes she doesn’t want to think about that, so she tells Jared the aliens are probably done unloading, so she wants to finish what they’re doing and get home.
Jared stares at her and shakes his head, then says:
“‘Yes, let’s finish this, Wanderer, Lives in the Stars, Rides the Beast. Stealing a few unguarded crates won’t present much of a challenge for you, will it?‘”
And that is the last line of the chapter, and also my least favourite line in the entire book now. I feel like I should say more after that, but…no. I’ve said enough. This chapter is one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced, and I need it to be over now, so that’s it; it’s over. I’m done. See you next time, much as it hurts me to say that.
(See Mike’s take on this chapter at http://emptystress.wordpress.com!)