Tag Archive: Reading


Ahhh, another chapter of pointless conversation and the relentless description of tension between Edward and Bella.  See why I said these chapters were repetitive?  It’s just the same crap, over and over, except I care less and less every time.  And I really don’t care about what Bella does and does not like, which is at least half this chapter, so hopefully I’ll be able to skim through that pretty quickly.

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The chapter starts with eeeeeveryone watching Bella and Edward as they walk to their table in Bio class (because they are obviously just so fucking fascinating when they’re doing absolutely nothing out of the ordinary), and Edward sitting closer to Bella than he used to while they watch a video (on VHS, at that).  Meyer goes on for an entire page about the tension between them as they both apparently sneak peeks at one another and hurt themselves trying not to touch each other, because the desire to is just soooo strong, and Bella has to try not to hyperventilate when Edward smiles at her, which I don’t feel like is normal at all.

In the end, she remembers absolutely nothing about the movie they watched because she’s so wrapped up in Edward – god, that is a healthy level of obsession, isn’t it? – and then Edward walks her to gym class, where he looks torn and pained and all those other things you want someone to look like when they’re agonizing over how much they want you (or so I assume, given Meyer keeps telling us that), until he runs his hand down her face.   Neither of them says anything after that, they both just leave, and Bella goes to get changed in a trance because apparently Edward makes her “lightheaded and wobbly” MULTIPLE TIMES in just this one chapter.  Yay.

Then it’s time to play what I’m assuming is badminton but is at least some game with a racket, and Mike offers to be her partner because “some vestiges of (Mike’s) chivalry still survived“…oh come on now; he’s not gonna turn into a gigantic dick just because you turned him down, you self-absorbed bitch.  He was never mean to you, not even for a second, so you have absolutely zero reason to believe he would be now.  Stop acting like every fucking person who is nice to you is secretly out to get you!

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Thankfully she at least thanks Mike for partnering up with her even though she sucks worse at sports than anyone else on the planet, but then thinks “Sometimes it was so easy to like Mike”, which makes me want to stab her again.  Again, Mike has been NOTHING but nice, friendly and understanding to her, so there is no reason why it shouldn’t ALWAYS be easy to like Mike.  Maybe I’m being too sensitive here, but this shit pisses me off.  She’s still being an ungrateful bitch, and more so to the two people who are nicest to her than anyone else, and it is infuriating!

Blah blah blah, details of how much she sucks at sports yet again, and Mike is only “pretty good” at them despite winning 3 of 4 games singlehandedly, and then her “feelings of affection” for him disappear because he has the absolute gall to ask if she and Edward are together.  What the FUCK is wrong with this girl?? She curses Jessica here too, for some reason…I’m assuming the logic there is that she assumes that Jess told Mike about her and Edward, but she’s been fucking with Edward everywhere she goes; I think Mike could figure it out on his own!

She gets all defensive when he says he doesn’t like that Edward looks at her like she’s something to eat, but then she thinks it’s funny because he (Edward) is doing exactly that, which is just her missing the fucking point entirely.  Mike has her best interests at heart, and she’s not even considering that for a second; she’s just telling him to mind his own business and laughing because he doesn’t know how RIGHT he is!  Fuck, she is the stupidest fucking character!

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She doesn’t spend even two seconds thinking about the conversation with Mike once she leaves him; she just goes back to getting butterflies over Edward again as she wonders whether he’ll be waiting to drive her home or not. Of course he fucking will; he made you come to school without your car, he’s not gonna just make you walk home without at least telling you about that beforehand! That’s just common decency!

She worries about whether his family knows that she knows they’re vampires or not, but that line of thinking quickly disappears when Edward is outside the door waiting for her, as expected, and she feels all relieved.  I’m sorry; I’m really annoyed by all this right now, so I may be saying things more sarcastically than perhaps I should be.  Anyway, they start talking about her gym class, and she realizes that Edward was listening in on her through Mike.  Edward says Mike is getting on his nerves, which is funny since all he’s done ‘wrong’ is have the exact same fucking concern for Bella that Edward keeps saying he has for her, and that he wishes she would have for herself…so yet again, someone is a dick to Mike for no good reason.

Of course Bella is all annoyed that Edward was listening in on her again, because she was somehow stupid enough to have not predicted that would happen, and then is subsequently annoyed because he doesn’t sound remorseful when he blames her for being the reason he did it (what?), so she ignores him, but walks to his car anyway.  “I hate you, don’t talk to me, but please drive me home!”  Bitch.

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Meyer decides to take another detour in her own story here and go on about cars for a  bit again, which is still entirely irrelevant to anything, but it gets Bella and Edward talking again, so clearly that was the point.  This exchange annoys me though, because Bella bothers to ask what kind of car Rosalie is driving, and then immediately makes it clear – in the most bitchy way possible – that she knows fuck all about cars.  So why did she ask in the first place?!

Bella and Edward make a deal that she will forgive him if he apologizes to her and agrees to let her drive on Saturday (after he rejects her attempt to make a deal that will keep him from listening in on her again; she gave that one up pretty easily), so he apologizes.

After that, they get into another completely unnecessary conversation about how Edward won’t bring a car on Saturday so that Charlie won’t find out that they’re together, even though he loves that family so there’s no reason why it would be a bad thing if he did find that out…and then they’re at Charlie’s, and Bella is asking if it’s “later” yet so she can find out about…whatever it was at the end of the last chapter that was supposed to be important.  See, that’s how much I care, and how well this book sticks with me.  Fuck.

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Oh, right, it’s about why she can’t see him hunt. He apologizes for scaring her with his reaction to her asking if she could see it sometime, then explains that the reason it would be so dangerous for her to be around while they hunted is that they give themselves over to their senses when they hunt, so he couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t hurt her.  Reasonable.  Bella doesn’t say or do anything in response to this, just stares at him until he tells her she should go inside, getting all dizzy and weird again.

She gets out of the car, Edward informs her that it’ll be his turn to ask questions next, and then he’s gone, and this chapter gets even less interesting than it was before.  She has a restless sleep full of dreams of Edward, wakes up and bitches about the clothes she has to wear because of the weather in Forks, has a different breakfast than Charlie because for some reason he doesn’t make her any eggs, which I find hard to believe, and then she and Charlie have a completely pointless conversation in which he reiterates that she is going to Seattle and isn’t going to the dance.  Really, why did we need that, Meyer?  You’ve already been over those points a thousand times.

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Charlie leaves, and as soon as he’s gone, Edward is there waiting for Bella.  She leaves without locking the door, which we for some reason needed to know even though it doesn’t come up again in the chapter at all, then gets into the car with Edward, who is excruciatingly perfect and beautiful and blah blah blah; shut the fuck up.

I was always good – much more than good – when I was near him.

Really?  Because I have seen absolutely no fucking proof of that.  Most of the time when you’re with him, you’re pissed off about something, and the rest of the time you’re scared of something; it’s very, very rare that you’re actually happy or “good”.  Even when things are going the way you supposedly want.

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Edward asks her how she is and they discuss how little she slept, because hahahaha that’s so fucking funny because Edward doesn’t sleep at all, and then he starts in with the insane questions, which I’m not even going to bother to list off because they are really just the most boring questions that there is no reason why we would need the answers to at all, so I’ll only mention the especially stupid/annoying things that come of this conversation.

“‘Everything that’s supposed to be brown – tree trunks, rocks, dirt – is all covered up with squashy green stuff here,’ I complained.”

…That’s something worth complaining about?  Seriously?  Who the fuck would rather see dirt than vegetation? She said herself how pretty all the green stuff was, didn’t she?  I’m not going back to check, because fuck that, but really; this is such a fucking bullshit complaint.

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It turns out that Edward has the same CD Bella has, the one that her stepdad gave her, which is supposed to be one of those “omg we have so much in common” moments…but really, it just doesn’t come off as interesting to even the slightest degree here.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d talked so much. More often than not, I felt self-conscious, certain I must be boring him. But the absolutely absorption of his face, and his never-ending stream of questions, compelled me to continue.

Uggggh, you’re definitely boring me, if nothing else, and I have NO idea how anyone could be ‘absorbed’ by this pointless crap.  I don’t care what your favourite colour or movie or whatever the hell is, and why the hell would someone who has lived for centuries give a shit about that either?  This is NOT an interesting character, Meyer, and there is NO reason why someone like Edward would be drawn to her, or want to know any of this shit, and even less reason why we as the readers need to know it!

Blah blah fucking blah, her favourite gemstone is the colour of his eyes, how fucking surprising, and this goes on and fucking ON, until they have another tense movie session in bio class which ends, once again, with Bella having retained exactly none of what was in the video, and after which Edward touches her face again when he drops her off at gym class.  I DON’T GIVE A SHIT.  NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT.

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In gym, Mike ignores her, and she can’t tell if it’s because she looks distracted or if it’s because of their “squabble” the day before, and she considers feeling bad about that but decides she can’t be bothered because she’s a gigantic bitch.  Oh, sorry, I read that wrong; it’s because she “can’t concentrate on him“. …No, yeah, that’s the same thing; she is really just a gigantic bitch.  Seriously, how fucking self-absorbed can you be?!  I’d like to say she’s not going to have many friends left if she keeps treating people this way, but clearly in Meyer’s experience that’s not the case, so it won’t happen…and that is somewhat infuriating to me.  God, I hate this book.

She rushes to change so she can be with Edward one millisecond sooner, who apparently starts questioning her again the moment he sees her.  Yaaaaaay.  They talk for hours about stuff that’s supposed to be deep and meaningful and interesting, but that I still just don’t even give the smallest of shits about, and then Edward reminds her that her father will be home soon, so they should probably stop talking.

“‘Charlie!’ I suddenly recalled his existence, and sighed.”

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I just…I just hate you so much.  So, so much.

She asks what time it is, which leads to a little rant from Edward about how it’s twilight (which does not really tell her what time it is, but hey, whatever) and how sad and ‘predictable’ the darkness is, and that feels ridiculously lame to me, but apparently we need to know that that’s the safest time of day for vampires for some reason.  Bella says she likes the dark, then Edward reminds her again that Charlie’s about to show up and informs her that there will be more fucking questions in the morning (kill me now), before realizing that “another complication” has arisen.

What complication is that?  Why, it’s a car pulling up that isn’t Charlie’s, that causes Edward to take off quickly, because inside the car are Jacob and his father.  Good times.  Jacob doesn’t notice Edward, but his father does, and he is clearly not amused at all.  The description of him is kind of terrifying and horrible, but of course Bella would see him that way since he’s an enemy of Edward in her eyes, so…yeah.  The chapter ends with Bella realizing that Billy (Jacob’s father) does ‘believe’ the ‘impossible legends’ about the vampires, and you have no idea how happy I am that this is over.  How did this book get so popular?  It’s so boring, and Bella is a TERRIBLE character!  Ugh.  That’s it for now.

But god, I wish it was.

But god, I wish it was.

(See Mike’s take on this chapter at http://emptystress.wordpress.com!)

This chapter is pretty much just one giant conversation between Bella and Edward, and while it’s not too painful to read, there is, of course, a whole bunch of crap added that we definitely didn’t need, that could have made it much shorter if Meyer had cut it.  I really wish she would do that, even once.

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So the chapter starts with Bella arguing with herself over whether or not what happened the night before was a dream…so in other words, pointless blather.  More pointless blather about the weather, breakfast, and other things follows that, and then there is Edward’s car at the end of her driveway, and Edward asking her if she wants a drive to school with him.  What a nice, creepy way to start the day; a vampire walking up to you out of the fog, asking if you want to spend time alone with him in his car.

There was uncertainty in his voice. He was really giving me a choice – I was free to refuse, and part of him hoped for that.”

Maybe it’s just me, but something feels very off about how this sentence is worded.  To me, it sounds like Bella isn’t used to being able to refuse things, even though there’s been no sign in the book thus far that anyone has ever stopped her from making her own choices about things.  Even Edward, who wants her to make the choice to stay away from him for her own good, is still (for some reason) giving her the right to make that choice herself instead of making it for her.  So why does she seem so surprised?  Maybe I’m just reading this wrong.

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Anyway, it’s no surprise that she agrees to go with him, and once she’s in his car he offers her his jacket again, because he knows Jessica still has hers.  Awww, he’s so considerate, and she’s so horny about his scent and his ‘perfectly muscled chest‘ that she can see through his shirt since he’s not wearing the jacket…

Bella feels awkward as they drive, because she doesn’t know what sort of dynamic they should have, and then Edward starts talking to her about her questions and reactions to him, and accuses her of editing her responses when she tells him what she’s thinking.  She tells him he doesn’t want to hear what she’s really thinking, which is a stab at him for when he said that the night before, so they go back to silence until they get to school, when Bella asks where his family is.

That question leads to a bunch of useless paragraphs about how the vampires want to fit in but they like shiny cars and driving fast too much, and then there’s Jessica, waiting for Bella with her jacket.  Jess is very awkward about Edward being with Bella for some reason (is it really that much of a surprise, given the night before?), so she takes off, and Edward and Bella discuss what she’s going to say to Jess when she sees her in class.

Bella uses Edward’s ability to read Jess’s mind to find out what she wants to know, which is if Edward and Bella are dating, and how Bella feels about him.  Bella takes that opportunity to find out where she stands with Edward, which is surprisingly clever for her, and he tells her that she should say yes to the question of whether or not they’re dating, because it’s “easier than any other explanation“.  How romantic.  At least he touches her hair while he does this, to make it somewhat less depressing.

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Edward leaves for class, telling her he’ll be waiting to see what her answer is to the question of how she feels about him, and then instead of being happy that she’s just found out she’s dating the guy she’s got a crush on, Bella is irritated because Edward is going to ‘cheat’ to find out how she feels.  If you’re dating the guy, how is that a problem?  Why can’t you focus on the good parts of any situation for more than 3 seconds?  So what if he knows how you feel about him; he just revealed that he wants to date you, and not only that, but he wants to let others know that! Clearly he feels something for you, as much as he shouldn’t! Aggh.

Mike starts talking to Bella once she sits down in class, asking about her time in Port Angeles, and then they chat briefly about his date with Jess…which he seems a lot happier about than he should, considering he didn’t want to date Jess, he only went out with her because Bella wouldn’t go out with him.  But hey, maybe he’s just a generally lonely guy, so he’s happy with whatever he can get.  I just can’t see this being how things would legitimately go in real life, unless the guy was just using the girl. I hope that’s not the case; poor Jess.

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Blah blah blah, time and classes go by, Bella “agonizes” over crap that’s really not all that bad, and then she is in class with Jess, and Jess is excited to hear about what happened with Edward.  Bella tells her all about all the things we already know, and then Jess asks if Edward has kissed her, to which she responds that “it’s not like that“.  …What?  He said you’re dating; how is it not “like that”?  Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it won’t; if he wants you to be dating, chances are it is very much “like that”, and you should know that!  Besides, this makes it sound like you’re not even dating, which again, he just said you are!

Still, Bella says she doubts Edward will kiss her on Saturday either, so I’m willing to bet he will (even if only to spite her), and then Bella tells her about the waitress hitting on him and whatnot.  Again, this is all stuff we already knew that to some extent I understand why is here, but still do not believe has to be here in such detail.  Unfortunately, Meyer, I was paying attention the first time you described all this shit; I really don’t need to go through it all again.

Jess points out that Edward must like Bella if he was ignoring the pretty waitress for her, even though that’s kind of flawed logic, and Bella says she thinks he likes her, but it’s hard to tell.  Again, really? How is it hard to tell?  He JUST SAID YOU ARE DATING.  Most people don’t date people they don’t like, especially not when said person is someone who has told you repeatedly that they shouldn’t be around you for your own good, yet can’t seem to stay away from you! If how he feels about you trumps that, I’m pretty damn sure he fucking likes you! Still don’t know why, but yeah!

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For some reason.

They discuss how intimidating and gorgeous he is, and Bella has a very hypocritical thought about Jess’s view on things; she says Jess acts like Edward’s being gorgeous excuses any of his flaws, but that’s exactly what Bella has fucking done.  She’s decided that because he is pretty and she’s attracted to him, it doesn’t matter that he’s a vampire.  Bella, seriously, become even the slightest bit self-aware, here.  You can’t look down on Jess for doing something that you are doing to a MUCH worse degree.  I’m pretty sure Jess would be way more turned off by finding out he’s a vampire than you have been.  But damn, those abs, eh?  Totally worth dying for.

Bella goes on about how much more unbelievable Edward is behind his good looks, despite that she knows next to nothing about him, and then Jess confirms that Bella likes him, and asks her how much she likes him.  Is this actually a thing that teenaged girls do?  Because I don’t remember doing that.  I remember being asked if I liked someone, but once the answer was out, no one pressed about degrees of liking the person.  But I guess Meyer needed a way for Bella to reveal that she believes that she likes Edward more than he likes her, so she and Edward can have an asinine conversation about that later, so there you have it.

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Class ends, and as Bella and Jess leave, Bella makes sure to change the subject to her brief conversation with Mike about his date with Jess, so that she doesn’t have to talk about Edward anymore…and apparently they’re able to talk about that approximately two sentence long conversation for the entirety of the next class.  Dear god, I’m so glad I was never that kind of teenaged girl.  I’d have had to stab myself, I’m pretty sure.

When they leave for lunch, Jess confirms that Bella isn’t going to be sitting with her and her friends, and then there is Edward, waiting just outside the class for Bella.

Jessica took one look, rolled her eyes, and departed.”

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.…Why would she roll her eyes? She wants this for Bella; she’s excited about it…that is a completely nonsensical reaction.  I’m not sure why that annoys me so much, but it does…maybe because Meyer keeps having Bella treat Jess like shit, and then seems to be trying to make it look like Jess is being a bitch here, when she really isn’t a bitch at all.  I don’t know.

Bella and Edward exchange hellos, then don’t speak anymore (because Edward looks irritated again; yay) until they get to the lunch line, where Edward begins piling up food for the two of them.  Good of him to decide what she wants, isn’t it?  But hey, I guess he pays for it, so whatever.

Everyone stares at them “in amazement” wherever they go together, because I guess Edward must never have been seen with anyone outside his family ever before now, and for some reason everyone is much more invested in that than there is any reason to be…and then they’re sitting at their lunch table, with Edward proving he can eat real food if he wants to, and them discussing Bella eating dirt on a dare.  This is just such important and interesting information; I can barely stand it.

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Edward informs Bella that Jessica is analysing everything he does, which for some reason irritates him, despite that she is very useful to him so I can’t really see why he’d be annoyed by her…and then they discuss how pretty the waitress was, and how little Edward noticed her.  Again. Luckily that doesn’t go on for long, though, before Edward mentions that something Bella said to Jess bothered him, and they have an exchange that I really can’t tell if is meant to come off as flirtatious or full of annoyance, because the comments seem quite bitey.  I don’t like how the line there is so blurry with these two.  How is this supposed to be a desirable relationship for the reader, when it’s always on the borderline of annoyance and even, in some cases, mental/emotional abuse?

Edward tells her that he wants to know what she’s thinking all the time, he just sometimes wishes she wouldn’t think the things she does, and then asks if she really thinks she cares more for him than he does for her.  And here we go; bring on the inane crap!

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Bella tries to evade the question at first, but then answers that she does think that that’s the case, which he says is wrong.  After much delay due to Bella being distracted by how pretty Edward is yet a-fucking-GAIN (and this delay significantly annoys Edward, so maybe he doesn’t have as much control over his temper as we were led to believe in previous chapters), she explains that she thinks she cares more than he does because it sometimes seems like he’s trying to say goodbye to her when he’s saying something else, and because of “the obvious“.  Alllllrighty then.

Edward calls her perceptive, which again she ISN’T, because it didn’t just ‘seem’ like he was trying to say goodbye, he was ACTUALLY FUCKING TRYING TO, repeatedly, and was VERY clear about it…but says that that’s exactly why she’s wrong, and then asks what she means by “the obvious“.  This gives Bella a chance to get all self-deprecating and go on about how ordinary she is aside from her clumsiness, and what a contrast that is to him.

Edward tells her that she doesn’t see herself very clearly, which is true, but again not in the way he’s thinking; she doesn’t see herself clearly because she doesn’t see what a self-absorbed, whiney bitch she is on top of being ordinary and clumsy, while he thinks what she doesn’t see is how every male in school was thinking about her the day she showed up.  What the fuck?  Every male in school? She is one fucking person; she can’t possibly be to the tastes of EVERY GUY IN THE SCHOOL.  Especially because not all the guys would be stupid enough to fall for someone as bitchy as she is, especially as she was in those first few days.  Just fuck off, Meyer.

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Bella gets embarrassed by the implications of what Edward is saying, so she changes the subject back to the ‘goodbye’ portion of her argument, which Edward again says is exactly what proves that he cares the most; because he can say goodbye to her if leaving is the right thing to do to keep her safe from him.  …Except that he didn’t do that, and clearly can’t do it, or he would have by now, since he knows he’s a danger to her.  So…yeah, more flawed logic.

They get a bit flirty about her not getting into any life threatening situations yet today, while Bella thinks more dark thoughts that I’m not even going to bother with because again, when is she EVER doing or thinking anything good without a bunch of badness as well…and then Edward asks her if she really needs to go to Seattle on Saturday, or if she just said that to get out of saying no to all the guys asking her to the dance.

Bella again evades the question by trying to get after Edward for stopping traffic so Tyler could ask her, and blaming him for being the reason Tyler thinks the two of them are going to prom together, but Edward asks her if she’d have said no if he had asked her, and she has to admit that she probably wouldn’t have. She does say, though, that she’d likely have chickened out in the end anyway because of her clumsiness, which Edward teases her about but says would not actually have been a problem, because dancing is all about who leads.

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He changes the subject back to Seattle again, asking if she minds if they do something different, and she says she’s okay with them doing something different as long as she can drive, because she’s terrified of his driving…and because she doesn’t want to have to explain to her dad why she isn’t taking her truck, because “less is always more” with Charlie.  I assume that means she is once again thinking far too little of Charlie, because when does she do anything other than that, so she is once again being a stupid, ungrateful bitch.

She asks Edward where they’re going on Saturday instead, and he says the weather is supposed to be nice so he’ll be staying “out of the public eye“, and that she can stay with him if she’d like to…which again surprises her, because he’s giving her the choice.  Seriously, what’s up with that?

She asks if he’ll show her what he means about what happens to him in the sun, and he says he will, then says if she doesn’t want to be alone with him he’d still prefer if she didn’t go to Seattle alone, which leads to yet another conversation about how unsafe it is for her to be alone because she’s so incapable of taking care of herself, with her only argument against that being that she’s from Phoenix.  She says she doesn’t mind being alone with him anyway, and he says he knows, but thinks she should tell her dad anyway, to give him some incentive to bring her back.  Well that’s fucking creepy.

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She still doesn’t agree to tell Charlie, and then suggests they talk about something else, and then this chapter gets even more inane than it already was, as they discuss Edward and Emmett’s hunting trip, and their preferences as regards the type of animals they eat.  I’m sure this is only coming up because Meyer wants to make it important down the line, but that just depresses me all the more, because it means there’s more pointless, stupid crap to come.  Yaaaay.

I hate Bella’s attitude during this conversation though, because she’s intentionally trying to be ‘cool’ about everything he’s saying, and that drives me right up the fucking wall.  As boring as this conversation is for me, if it were actually happening with someone in real life, it would be pretty fucking interesting and/or terrifying, so acting like it’s just the most natural thing ever is just fucking stupid.

For a brief, shining second it looks like this conversation is going to end, when Edward asks her what she’s really thinking, but then nope; right back to bears as Bella asks how they hunt bears without weapons.  REALLY?  Do you still not understand what a fucking VAMPIRE is, you brainless twit?!

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Blah blah blah, on and on about how Emmett is like a bear when he hunts and Edward is like a mountain lion, so their preferences are fitting, and then Bella asks if she’ll ever get to see them hunt, which Edward says absolutely will not happen, in the angriest way possible.  She asks if it’s too scary for her, and he says if that was it he’d take her out right away, because she needs a healthy dose of fear so she might actually listen to him, and then says he’ll tell her the real reason why she can’t see it later.

Then they get up to head off to class, and Bella vows not to forget that he promised to tell her later, which is not surprising given how she’s acted when he’s said similar things before, so looking forward to more of that shit…and then the chapter ends.  So yeah, all talk and not a lot of action, and definitely not anything all that interesting or important at any point.  This is such good writing.

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(See Mike’s take on this chapter at http://emptystress.wordpress.com!)

So the truth comes out in this chapter, and it’s way less interesting than it should have been.  Thankfully this was a shorter chapter, because it was also a very boring one.

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The chapter starts with Bella asking if she can ask Edward “just one more” question, which he for some reason agrees to, so she asks him how he knew she had gone south instead of going to the bookstore. Now, having read ahead I know why Meyer put this in here, but honestly it doesn’t make sense; any normal person would just assume that he had used the thoughts of others, like he said he did, to see that she went south instead of going to the bookstore, and would therefore not assume there was anything strange about him knowing that.

…But oh, wait, Bella is not a normal person, right?  She’s special, so of course she would know to ask about that instead of just making a logical connection.  Yeeeeeah.

Anyway, she asked it so Meyer could have Edward reveal that he followed her scent, which Bella doesn’t know how to respond to, so she changes the subject to point out that he didn’t answer one of her previous questions.  Okay, I get why she wouldn’t know what to say here, but wouldn’t she at least think something about it?  Even just that it might be a point in the ‘probably a vampire’ column?

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She asks him again how the mind reading thing works, and if the rest of his family can do it, to which he responds that they can’t; only he can.  He says he has to be relatively close to the person whose mind he’s reading unless their ‘voice’ is very familiar to him, and that he usually tunes out the voices when he’s not specifically trying to focus on one of them.

Bella asks why he thinks he can’t hear her thoughts, and he says his only guess is that her mind doesn’t work the way everyone else’s does…and y’know, Edward, you really have no idea how right you are about that, but not in the way you’re thinking.  I am more curious about why the rest of his family can’t read thoughts.  Wonder if we’ll ever get to know?

Anyway, Bella gets self-conscious about the fact that she’s different, thinking it means she’s a freak like she always suspected (well, at least someone noticed), but Edward just laughs it off and says it’s just a theory before turning the conversation back to the theory that Bella was supposed to share with him.  Apparently Meyer can’t let any conversation go on without a completely useless interruption, though, because at this point, Bella suddenly notices how fast Edward is driving and freaks out about it.  Yep, as mentioned before, this book is fucking riveting.

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They go back and forth for a while about whether or not his driving is unsafe, but eventually he slows down, and then – after a page of this nonsense – finally gets back to the matter at hand.  Bella delays again, afraid he’ll be angry with her for her theory, but he tries to reassure her by being calm, and asks her what got her started on her theory, since she said she didn’t come up with it on her own.

She tells him what Jacob told her, which is really fucking horrible of her since she told Jacob she would take his secret to her grave, so she damn well shouldn’t be telling it to one of the very fucking people it’s about, especially considering how dangerous the Cullens supposedly are, and the fact that Jacob told her flat out that their kind were enemies of his kind!  She doesn’t actually give a shit about anybody else, does she?  She knows this could potentially kill Jacob, but because she wants Edward, she’s willing to risk that!  She doesn’t even pretend that she figured out on her own that Edward was a vampire, from piecing things together with Jacob’s story; no, she tells Edward that Jacob mentioned his family!  And after she said how sweet Jacob was, and how much she liked him!

She somehow only realizes that she has endangered Jacob after revealing everything, so she tries to make it better by confessing that she forced him to tell her, as though that’s really gonna save him.  Edward asks why she forced him, so she explains about the other boy mentioning that the Cullens weren’t allowed there, then explains how she manipulated Jacob into telling her by flirting with him.  And that still significantly annoys me.

I wish she was this self-aware.

I wish she was this self-aware.

Edward asks what she did after that, so she tells him about her internet research, then reveals that she decided, after not being able to make sense of the information she found, that it didn’t matter what he was.  Edward is not pleased to hear that; he says he’d rather know what she’s thinking than have her go on not telling him the truth, but that she’s insane, and he is clearly very angry that she is still not accepting how dangerous he is, even though she has a pretty good idea now.

She asks if she’s right about what he is, saying she’s just curious, then asks how old he is and how long he’s been that age, getting exactly the answers she expected.  She then asks about a few of the sun and coffin related vampire stereotypes, which he says are all myths, then reveals that he can’t actually sleep at all, ever.  Well, that must suck.  …Or be awesome.  If he doesn’t get tired, then I guess definitely awesome…though I do like sleep.  Anyway, whatever.

Edward points out that she hasn’t yet asked about his diet, so she explains how Jacob said that his family wasn’t supposed to be dangerous because they only hunted animals, not people, which he vaguely confirms before reminding her that he is still dangerous.  He goes on to explain that sometimes they make mistakes, like him allowing himself to be alone with her, and then Bella thinks for a while about how scared she is that he’s pulling away from her instead of how scared she should be that he might drink her fucking blood, so she asks him to tell her more.

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She asks why they hunt animals instead of people, so he tells her that he doesn’t want to be a monster (awwww), but that eating animals doesn’t fully satiate them, it just keeps them strong enough to resist temptation most of the time, and admits that it’s very difficult for him when he’s so close to her.  She tells him that she can tell he’s not actually hungry at that moment because of his eyes, and because men are crabbier when they’re hungry, so he says she’s observant again, and I’m just…not gonna comment on that this time.

She confirms that he was hunting with Emmett on the weekend, and he says he didn’t want to leave town because it makes him anxious to be away from her, and that he worried about her the whole time he was gone.  How sweet, and completely ridiculous. He doesn’t think it is, because of how often she hurts herself (he notes how she hurt her hands on the beach trip), but it is, because he knows next to nothing about her except that he should stay away from her, has no reason to be anything but annoyed by her, and should really not be worrying about what trouble she will get in without him around when he knows she’s in greater danger with him there…but whatever.

She asks why he and his family weren’t in school on Monday, since he says they got back from their hunting trip on Sunday, and she is angry that she had to feel disappointed by his absence when he could have been there, because eeeeeeeverything is all about her, all the time…and this is where we get our first glimpse at the stupidest quality that these vampires possess.  He doesn’t tell her all the details yet, so I won’t say anything in case there’s somehow someone left in the world that doesn’t know what happens to these guys when they go out in the sun, but he does reveal that something happens that isn’t painful to him, and says he’ll show her what it is sometime.

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She harps on him for not calling her (does he even have her number? I don’t remember her giving it to him at any point), which confuses him because he says he knew she was safe, but she feels that she should have known where he was, because…why, exactly?  They’re not dating, they’re not even friends, they’ve only talked once; why the hell should he feel compelled to tell her his every movement?  Hell, why would he have to do that even if they were dating?  She doesn’t need to know where he is all the time.  But because she doesn’t like not seeing him, because she says it makes her anxious, she feels like he owes it to her to tell her where he is.  This is definitely the basis for a super healthy relationship, isn’t it?

Edward gets upset about her feeling that way, saying he doesn’t want to hear it because it’s wrong and not safe, because he’s dangerous and she needs to actually grasp that, and she responds:

‘No.‘ I tried very hard not to look like a sulky child.”

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Seriously?  “No”?  He’s telling you he’s dangerous, and that it upsets him that you won’t listen to him when he tells you that, and you’re just gonna say “no”?  Well hell yeah you sound like a sulky child!  How stupid, self-involved and childish are you??

He tells her he’s serious, but she says she is too, and that it’s too late, so it doesn’t matter what he is.  Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this girl?  Why does he still want her after all this bullshit?  She’s obviously a complete fucking moron!  He snaps at her for saying it’s too late, then asks what she’s thinking for some reason, and notices she’s crying.  When he asks if she is, she says no, because again she’s a fucking child, but he’s not as stupid as she is so he doesn’t just fall for it, and instead apologizes.

They sit in silence for a minute, then he asks her what she was thinking just before he saved her from the group of guys, because her expression had confused him…and y’know what?  I really don’t give a shit about any of this.  It’s so fucking boring.  She goes on about trying to remember self-defence stuff, then tells him she didn’t think of running because she falls down a lot when she runs, and this is all just so he can express further concern over her well-being for some fucking reason. Then she demands to know if she’ll see him tomorrow, and he says she will because he has a paper due, but what happens if it’s sunny tomorrow?  Then he’ll be breaking his promise to her, and she might have an epic meltdown! Better be careful, Edward!

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He does promise to be there, though, and to save a seat for her at lunch, and then they have some pointless back and forth about his jacket before he makes her promise not to go into the woods alone.  He claims there are more dangerous things than him out there, which makes her shudder, but she doesn’t ask for any further detail thankfully, she just agrees.  If you couldn’t tell, I’m trying really damn hard to get to the end of this chapter ASAP.  I think I might fall asleep otherwise.

Blah blah blah, they say goodbye, he blows in her face, she makes a fool of herself by being clumsy again, and then he is gone and she is home, talking to her dad about the fact that she’s back early.  SO EXCITING!  They go on about how she should go to bed, and how she left her jacket in Jess’s car so she has to call her, but then Jess calls her instead, wanting to know what happened with Edward, but Bella says she’ll tell her in class tomorrow because her dad is there.

She goes to shower and realizes how cold she is, which I assume is supposed to be significant for some reason, then gets ready for bed and climbs under the covers, thinking about the things she’s sure of, which are that Edward is a vampire, that he thirsts for her blood, and that she is “unconditionally and irrevocably” in love with him.  And that’s the end of the chapter.  YAY!  God, I’m so glad that’s over.  This book is so painful to read…but, see you next time anyway. *sigh*

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(See Mike’s take on this chapter at http://emptystress.wordpress.com!)

In this chapter, Bella gets exactly what she wanted, yet still isn’t happy about it.  Surprised?  Me neither.

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It starts with the girls (Bella, Jessica and Angela) on the road to Port Angeles for their shopping excursion, with Bella now referring to her father as “The Chief” because I guess he’s not even good enough for her to use his real name anymore, nonetheless call him ‘Dad’.  Still don’t get this; still don’t like it.

It had been a while since I’d had a girls’ night out, and the estrogen rush was invigorating.”

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Really?  Estrogen rush?  This makes me a little bit sick, and I don’t even know why.  But I am pretty damn sure I have never experienced an “estrogen rush”, and right now I’m feeling pretty damn thankful for that.

Their activities on the drive sound pretty stereotypical and annoying, so I guess that’s fitting, and we get a bunch of info about the girls’ relationships or lack thereof that I just really don’t care about at all, before Jessica and Bella get into a conversation about how she’s never been to a dance or been in a relationship before.  Man, this book is boring.

The only point of this conversation seems to be to put Bella in a bad mood, because nothing can be nice for more than a minute in her life, and that bad mood is brought on by the girls alerting her to the fact that Tyler has been telling people he’s taking her to prom.  Apparently that is why Lauren hates her so much, which is disappointing because as you know, I’d really hoped it was because of Bella herself…but hey, at least Lauren has a reason for hating her, whereas Bella just hates everything all the time for no apparent reason.

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Bella contemplates running Tyler over with her truck, which is very nice of her, and then there’s almost an entire page of the girls trying on dresses that I could not possibly care less about if I tried.

The girls’-night high was wearing off in the wake of my annoyance at Tyler, leaving room for the gloom to move back in.

Oh, fucking fantastic.  Just what we needed.  You don’t even pretend that this book is going to be a pleasant read, do you, Meyer?

After some pointless filler, Bella gets up the guts to ask Angela if the Cullens are often out of school, which they are, when the weather is good.  Apparently they go backpacking!  Yeah, I bet.  Bella decides that she likes Angela more because she answered the question in exactly the way she (Bella) wanted her to, which Jess wouldn’t have done, because Jess is clearly a horrible person that deserves all the bad shit Bella thinks about her, despite that she’s never done a single damn thing to Bella that wasn’t positive.

They all decide to go to dinner, but not until after the girls drop off their clothes in the car and go for a walk to the bay, so Bella decides that while they do that, she’ll look for a bookstore (which she has to do alone, even though they want to go, because reasons).  Bella finds a bookstore, but it’s the wrong bookstore (of course; Jess pointed it out, so it had to be wrong), so she keeps looking for another one, thinking incredibly negative, emo thoughts all the while.  She sees Edward’s Volvo as she goes and decides that he’s a “stupid, unreliable vampire”, though I’m not sure how the hell he’s being unreliable or stupid, and then “stomps” onward, because again, she’s a fucking child.

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She eventually realizes that the way she’s walking is away from the stores and into the warehouse district, so she decides to loop around at the next corner and try searching for a bookstore on some different streets on the way back, at which point a group of four men comes around the corner she was planning on taking.  As they pass her, they call out to her and she responds, then turns away and keeps walking while they laugh at her, ignoring them when they tell her to wait.

She keeps walking as it gets darker, then realizes that two of the men from the group of four are walking behind her, so she speeds up her pace and reminds herself where her pepper spray is, which is nowhere useful and was therefore very important to have mentioned.  Thanks, Meyer.

This scene is drawn out for far longer than I’d have liked, but eventually Bella ends up in an area where she initially expects to be able to get away easily, but then realizes that the other two men are between her and the rest of civilization.  She tries to run, though she’s got nowhere to go but closer to one of the pairs of men, so she prepares to scream and/or defend herself.  All she ends up doing, though, is stopping in the middle of the alley and telling the men, quite pathetically, to “stay away” from her, which of course only amuses them.

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Drawing this scene out even further (it’s already been multiple pages of this, by this point), Bella tries to recall any self-defence she knows, then is reminded by her own brain how pathetic she is and that she will not possibly be able to take four guys on, no matter what she remembers..  Luckily for her, at just that moment (because timing -_-), a car appears, so she dives toward it just as it spins around to reveal an open passenger door, because things really do always happen just like in the movies, right Meyer?

A voice that Bella instantly recognizes as Edward’s commands her to get in, so she does, because she feels ohhhhh so very safe just hearing his voice. ❤ ❤ ❤  Fuck, this is stupid.  She is repeatedly afraid of him for different reasons in this book, while at the same time Meyer is trying to convince us that she feels 100% safe and protected when she’s around him.  You can’t have it both ways, Meyer!

Edward speeds away from the scene as Bella fawns over how pretty he is again, before realizing how angry his facial expression is and asking if he’s okay…which, of course, he is not.  What kind of stupid question is that?!

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When they’re out of town, Edward stops the car and asks if she’s alright, then asks her to distract him, telling her he needs to calm down.  Well, at least he’s got coping methods to deal with his anger, which is more than can be said of Bella, who doesn’t even try.  Proving that point, she tells him she’s going to run Tyler over before school, explaining that she’s going to do so because he’s telling everyone he’s going to prom with her, and she thinks if she endangers his life then he won’t feel like he has to make amends for endangering hers.  Cause that’s just completely sound logic, right there.

Blah blah blah, more about that, then Edward reveals that he sometimes has a problem with his temper, but he knows that it wouldn’t be useful for him to hunt down the guys that were bothering Bella, so he’s trying to clear his head.  Bella points out that it’s late and Jess and Angela will be worried since she hasn’t met them yet, so Edward drives her back to town, right to the restaurant where she’s supposed to meet them, despite that she never tells him that that’s where they were going to go.

Edward informs her that he’s taking her to dinner, then tells her to go let Angela and Jess know that so he doesn’t have to risk running into the guys that followed her again (what? Why would he?), so she calls out to them.  Apparently they are very relieved that she’s okay, and very concerned about where she’s been (which they ask her about, and she tells them she got lost and ran into Edward), but when Edward asks if he can join them for dinner, they reveal that they already ate…so they can’t really have been all that concerned.

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Bella decides that she doesn’t need to eat, but Edward disagrees, then asks Jess and Angela if it’s okay if he takes her home instead, which they agree to once Jess verifies from Bella’s expression that it’s what she wants.

I wanted nothing more than to be alone with my perpetual savior.  There were so many questions that I couldn’t bombard him with till we were by ourselves.

God, this is annoying.  And why can’t you just leave the poor guy alone?  If you see him as your ‘savior’, the least you could do is be appreciative of what he’s done for you without annoying him with your endless fucking questions!  If you know it’s going to be a ‘bombardment’, which is NOT a good thing, then why the hell are you doing it?!  Especially cause you just saw how worked up he is!  Lay off for five minutes!

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The girls leave, and Bella – because she’s a complete fucking moron who just can’t help but get in her own way – ‘insists’ that she’s not hungry, and then sighs in resignation when Edward continues to head to the restaurant anyway.  What the sweet fuck is wrong with this girl?  She wants a date with Edward, one is offered to her, and now she acts like it’s some huge fucking inconvenience to her to have to go on it?! WHY DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU, BELLA?  And why can’t you EVER be grateful when things you want come your way??? What could there possibly be to sigh about when the guy you’ve got a crush on WANTS TO TAKE YOU TO DINNER???? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!  I don’t know why this is so infuriating to me, but it definitely is.

It takes almost a page for them to get a table, because Meyer feels the need to point out how attractive Edward is to everyone and how classy and sophisticated he must be because he refused the first table offered to them, but eventually they do get one.  Once they’re seated, Bella criticizes Edward for ‘dazzling’ the hostess, saying it’s not fair, but Edward pretends to have no idea what she’s talking about.  He asks if he dazzles her, which she admits he does, and then their server shows up, just as horny for Edward as everyone else.

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Bella is clearly jealous of the attention Edward is getting, but Edward is only paying attention to her, asking her if she’s okay, apparently waiting for her to go into shock.  Uh…why?  Nothing bad happened to her.  She was in the street, some guys were there, no one even got close to her, and then she was gone.  It could have been a big deal, but it wasn’t, and other things happened since then…why would she go into shock?

The waitress comes back after getting their drinks, they order – well, Bella does, anyway – then Edward orders her to drink, which is weird, so she downs both her drink and Edward’s, then gets cold and wants her jacket, but realizes it’s in Jessica’s car.  Edward instantly strips his off, giving Bella a chance to check him out, then gives it to her so she can get all swoony over how it smells as she puts it on.

Edward compliments her, then they discuss her not being in shock again, because Edward says any normal person would be, which just seems like complete and utter bullshit to me.  Again, WHY?  What she “went through” wasn’t that traumatizing.  If she didn’t go into shock after being nearly killed by a van, why would she after nothing actually happens to her?

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Bella confesses to him that she feels safe with him, which displeases him, then comments on the colour of his eyes, saying she’s got a theory as to why he always seems to be in a worse mood when his eyes are darker than when they’re lighter. Blah blah blah, pointless back and forth, the waitress comes and says stuff, and Bella decides she’ll tell Edward her theory when they’re in the car, because she has some questions for him first.

She starts with the questions by asking him why he’s in Port Angeles, but he refuses to answer that, so she starts talking about hypothetical situations in which one could read minds with only a few exceptions, and asks how that works, if there are any limitations, etc.  She makes it very obvious that she’s asking how he found her and knew she was in trouble, so he answers in the same way she’s phrasing things; as though it’s a hypothetical question.

He informs her that one would not need to have perfect timing to make it work, as long as they were paying attention, then comments on the fact that only she could get in trouble in a place as small as Port Angeles.  She tries to remind him that they were talking about a hypothetical situation, but he continues to make it clear that he knows she’s talking about herself, so she asks how he knew, giving up on the act (thank god).

She tells him he can trust her, then tries to touch his hands, but he pulls back, so she does as well.  He says he’s not sure he has a choice but to trust her, because she’s more observant than he gave her credit for, but that is the biggest pile of bullshit I have ever heard.  She’s not observant, it’s just fucking obvious, Edward, and you know it.

Like this.

Like this.

He comments on what a magnet for trouble she is, she asks if he puts himself in that category even though she knows the answer, which is “Unequivocally“, and okay, yes, I do like how Edward talks sometimes.  Not getting the hint that she shouldn’t touch him, Bella reaches over and touches his hand again, despite that he yet again pulls back, and then shockingly, she actually thanks him in a genuine manner.

He responds positively to her gratitude, but makes it quite clear she has to fuck off with the touching him thing by putting his hands under the table, then admits that he followed her to Port Angeles because he wanted to keep her alive.  He teases her about how difficult she makes that for him while she feels a “surge of pleasure” at the knowledge that  he’s been following her (at least she does consider that she should probably have a problem with it, but still…).

She asks if he thought he interfered with fate in keeping her from dying the first time with the van, but he responds that that wasn’t the first time she was close to death; the first time was the first time she met him.  She is briefly afraid of that, but then remembers how safe she feels with him and is fine, which is fucking stupid, because she’s not even actually considering what he’s saying about how dangerous he is, yet again.  He’s being pretty fucking clear here; take the out!

“‘You remember?’ he asked, his angel’s face grave.”

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…Angel’s face?  What the fuck?  We’ve established that he’s a vampire, he has made it more than clear that he’s dangerous; how does he have an angel’s face?  Is it just because he’s fucking pretty?  Dear god I hate this book.

He calls her on still being there despite remembering how scary he was the first day, and she says it’s because he somehow knew how to find her today…which again is bullshit, because while she might be there at that exact moment because he found her, she’s still following him around instead of running away for her own stupid reasons that have nothing to do with his choices or any sort of intelligent decision-making.

He tells her to eat as he explains how he found her, starting by telling her it’s harder to keep track of her than other people because he can’t “hear her mind”, so he had to use Jessica’s instead.  He says he hadn’t expected her to be able to find trouble in Port Angeles, so he hadn’t been paying too much attention until he realized that she was no longer with Jessica anymore, so he went to try to find her at the bookstore she was supposed to be going to. He came up with a general idea of where she’d probably be going, then accessed the thoughts of people on the street to see if they had seen her, because while he didn’t see any reason that he should be worried for her, he felt anxious.  Awwwwwwwwwwww.

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Blah blah blah, he listened to more people, it got later, then he gets angry as he recalls hearing what the men who were surrounding Bella were thinking, and gets super dramatic in his storytelling.  He tells her again how hard it was to restrain himself from hurting them when he took her away, and explains that that’s why he didn’t let her go with Angela and Jessica; because he knew if he was alone, he’d go back and find them.

After a few moments of silence, he asks if she’s ready to go home, and she says she is (kind of; there’s sappy crap, but who the hell cares?), so he pays their bill and off they go.  As they leave, Bella thinks about how much she wishes she could touch him but can’t, and is glad he doesn’t know that, and I was going to rag on this, but y’know what?  I’ve felt that too. So I won’t say anything bad about this one.

More fawning over Edward and how good he smells and whatever the hell, and then he starts to drive them home, telling her it’s her turn to share with him, and that’s the end of the chapter.  Sorry if this seemed rushed or confusing, but I was behind due to Labour Day weekend eventfulness, so…I guess it kind of is.  So yeah!  Chapter 9 next time for sure, but whether or not there’ll be more than that depends on how the next couple of days goes.  Wheee!

Well, probably not, actually.

Well, probably not, actually.

(See Mike’s take on this chapter at http://emptystress.wordpress.com!)

Chapter 6: Scary Stories

In chapter 6, we get to hear some stories and watch as Bella is even more of a manipulative bitch than usual, significantly lessening any sympathy I could possibly have had for her in the future…and otherwise, we get a lot of description of random crap that no one really cares about.  Yay!

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The chapter starts with Bella waiting for her truck to be returned to her, then it showing up, which is just thrilling…and, of course, she shares more of her extremely negative expectations, and those expectations are met as usual (at least in Bella’s mind; I don’t think anything is even half as bad in ‘real life’ as she makes it out to be).  Blah blah blah, blathering on about Edward; I’m fucking bored…Mike is excited about the weather, and Bella is (surprise surprise) incredibly negative about it…annnd someone doesn’t like her and is talking about her, and this is somehow surprising.

I’m sorry, I know it’s not nice to talk about people the way this girl is about her, and that she’s supposedly only doing it because she’s jealous that Edward is paying attention to Bella, but come on…Bella has given people enough reason to think she’s a bitch; has she seriously not noticed that at all somehow?  BE SELF-AWARE, BELLA.  You’re fucking annoying, and people don’t like that.  Or at least normal people don’t.  …Or maybe I’m wrong about that, given how many of Meyer’s fans seem to admire Bella as a character.  God, I am just so sad about humanity right now.

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Anyway, yeah, this girl named Lauren has a hate on for Bella and thinks she should sit with the Cullens instead of with Mike and his friends…which is stupid because Bella has only really been seen with Edward once, but whatever. Mike defends Bella, then we’re back home with Charlie, and we have this line:

I think he felt guilty for leaving me home alone on the weekends, but he’d spent too many years building his habits to break them now.

…What?  Ah, fuck it; I’m not even going to bother.

Bella and Charlie have a brief conversation about the place Edward said he was going on the weekend, so we can see that Edward lied to her, and then Meyer jumps right into the next morning without a section break and goes on for a page about the weather, the types of cars Bella’s friends drive, and all their names. Wheeeee.

Three other girls stood with them, including one I remembered falling over in gym on Friday.  That one gave me a dirty look as I got out of the truck, and whispered something to Lauren.  Lauren shook out her cornsilk hair and eyed me scornfully.

So it was going to be one of those days.”

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Isn’t every day one of “those” days, Bella?  It has definitely seemed that way so far, at least!  Also, am I really supposed to believe that more than one person is this bitter about her having one conversation with Edward? No one even seems to notice him most of the time; they certainly didn’t after Bella’s accident…so why should I think it would actually be this way?  Just because it’s high school?  Fine.  Let’s go with that.

Mike is happy to see Bella and even happier that she didn’t bring Edward, seating arrangements get sorted out (which is just fucking riveting, I swear), and then we have almost an entire page of description of the things they drive past and how beautiful they all are.  That’s great and everything, Meyer, but please make me care about this story.  These descriptions just aren’t doing that, though it is nice that they weren’t excessively negative for once.

The boys make a fire, which ends up burning blue and mesmerizing Bella (admittedly, it does sound pretty, but don’t driftwood fires give off toxic smoke? :P), and then a while later some of the guys decide they want to go on a hike to the tide pools, so Bella has to decide if she wants to go and risk falling into them, because she is THAT clumsy.  I’m not sure why Meyer keeps reminding us of this; is her clumsiness going to be a super important part of the story later on, or is it just supposed to endear us to Bella in some way?  Because it really doesn’t.  It’s actually very annoying.

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In the end, Bella decides to go with the guys because Lauren wants to stay behind, and Bella doesn’t want to have to be around her because she said mean things about her.  So off they go, with Bella finding the negative in everything yet again, and trying not to fall anywhere.  More descriptions of how pretty everything is, which again, I’m not knocking because I like pretty things and that Bella is seeing them as such, but it’s just more filler to skim over…and then we’re back to Edward again because of course we are. *sigh*

When the guys want to go back to get food, Bella goes with them, falling a bunch (seriously, why do we care about this?), and now I’m confused as to why any of this was in here at all.  Why was this hike integral to the story? It doesn’t seem to have served any purpose.  Sure, there is a group of people from the reservation at their campsite when they get back, but couldn’t they have just as easily shown up while Bella was still at the fire instead of wasting two pages with a useless hike?

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Anyway, everyone is introduced to everyone else and Mike brings Bella some food, Bella thinks about how much she likes Angela (thank god she likes SOMEONE other than Edward, even if it is for stupid, self-absorbed reasons) and about the flow of time (which is a significantly less interesting train of thought than it sounds like it should be), and then everyone disperses, leaving only Bella and a few others at the fire.

One of the others that stays behind is one of the kids from the reservation, Jacob, who of course is interested in Bella, just like everyone else (for whatever reason)…so we get a description of how beautiful he is, despite that he’s a few years younger than Bella (which is weird), which cannot possibly mean anything other than ‘potential love interest’ in Meyer’s world.

However, my positive opinion of his looks was damaged by the first words out of his mouth.

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…Or not.  But the first words out of his mouth are just asking if she’s Isabella Swan, and apparently it’s just the fact that he didn’t know – without ever having spoken to her before – that he should be calling her Bella, that is the problem.  Seriously?  You are that judgemental, Bella?  Wow.  No wonder you’ve never had a boyfriend.

Jacob reveals that Bella’s new truck had belonged to his dad, so they talk about his family for a minute because Bella was forced into playdates with Jacob’s sisters when she came to visit her dad growing up, and we learn that apparently she was a bitch even before she was 11, since she says she “kicked up enough tantrums to end the fishing trips” by then.  Yep, something to be proud of for sure.

Jacob catches her up on what his sisters are doing now, they talk about the truck and rebuilding cars for a while, and Bella seems impressed enough with him, but there is no hint as to what the supposedly traumatizing things that Bella mentioned blocking out at the beginning of the book are (because they supposedly related to Jacob’s family).  …Unless that was just the forced playdates, in which case, fuck you, Bella.

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Lauren notices that Jacob is paying more attention to Bella than she’d like, so I guess maybe her disdain for Bella is personal, not just because of Edward…which is surprisingly refreshing, because at least someone is seeing Bella for what she is and not just being ‘jealous’ of or in love with her.  At least I can pretend it’s that, anyway.  Lauren brings up the Cullens, clearly trying to stir up trouble as the next thing we learn is that the Cullens “don’t come” where they are, and then Tyler manages to distract her with a CD somehow, so clearly she is not the sharpest knife in the drawer either.

Bella is conveniently observant enough in this instance to notice that when the boy says the Cullens “don’t come” there, he’s implying that they aren’t allowed, but then Jacob is asking her a question that allows her to bitch about Forks, so she is understandably distracted for a second.  And then we get into the part of the book that makes me hate Bella even more than any of the previous parts, if you can believe it.

I was still turning over the brief comment on the Cullens, and I had a sudden inspiration.  It was a stupid plan, but I didn’t have any better ideas.  I hoped that young Jacob was as yet inexperienced around girls, so that he wouldn’t see through my sure-to-be-pitiful attempts at flirting.

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Wow.  Fucking wow.  Not only are you a stupid bitch, but you’re a stupid manipulative bitch, who is PLANNING on using a young, nice boy that you actually find interesting and pleasant to talk to, so you can find out information about Edward! Do you have ANY conscience, whatsoever?  How can you DECIDE to USE someone, knowing they are at least somewhat interested in you and that they have done nothing wrong?  What the fuck is wrong with you?? WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE THIS CHARACTER??

Bella asks Jacob to walk down the beach with her, while trying to use the expression Edward uses on her to get her to do what he wants, because that’s not fucking creepy at all, so off they go.  They discuss Jacob’s age as they walk and Bella ‘flutters her eyelashes’ at him (sweet Jesus, seriously, just fucking kill me now), and this whole exchange is fucking painful because the only thing Bella cares about is that she thinks her act is too obviously fake for Jacob not to notice; she doesn’t, at any point, think about how fucking WRONG it is to be putting on that act in the first place.

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Bella asks about the older guy who made the comment about the Cullens, still using manipulative conversational tactics as she does so, and Jacob tells her about him (Sam), and explains that the Cullens aren’t supposed to come onto the reservation. He tells her he’s not supposed to tell anyone why the Cullens can’t go there, so Bella lays it on even thicker, trying to ‘allure’ him into telling her about it, which for some reason fucking works because everything hates me.

“‘Do you like scary stories?’ he asked ominously.

I love them,‘ I enthused, making an effort to smolder at him.”

I hate this book.  So fucking much.

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Jacob asks Bella if she knows any of the old native stories, and she admits she doesn’t, so he goes on to tell her about the Flood and whatever, then reveals that a ‘legend’ claims that his tribe descended from wolves, so it’s against tribal law to kill wolves. Then, he says, there are stories about the “cold ones”, and his great-grandfather made a treaty with the cold ones to keep them off the natives’ land, because the cold ones are the natural enemy of the ‘wolves that turn into men’, which is what the natives are.

Instead of being surprised that Jacob has just revealed that the natives are werewolves, Bella decides to question the idea that werewolves have enemies, instead.  What the fuck?  Jacob says they have only one enemy, but that the ‘pack’ of cold ones that came during his great-grandfather’s time didn’t hunt the way the others did, so they weren’t dangerous to the tribe, which is why his great-grandfather made a pact with them instead of killing them.  The deal was that if the cold ones stayed off their land, the natives wouldn’t expose their identities to the ‘pale faces’.  Couldn’t that have gone both ways, since the natives were also, y’know, werewolves, and might not want the ‘pale faces’ to know that either?  Or is it somehow well known that werewolves are a thing in this universe?  If so, I’m surprised that’s only coming up now, but Bella doesn’t seem to think any of this is weird.

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Anyway, Jacob goes on to explain that this pack of cold ones was ‘civilized’, meaning they claimed not to hunt humans and instead preyed on animals, though of course there was never any guarantee if they got too hungry. Bella asks how all of that relates to the Cullens, assuming they must be like the cold ones from his great-grandfather’s time…but Jacob informs her that they are, in fact, the same cold ones from that time.  Oooooh.  God, I just do not care at all.

Apparently two of the cold ones are new, but the rest date back to before the ‘pale faces’ even arrived, which I would imagine is a long fucking time (and I’m not sure that timeline really fits with Jacob’s story, but whatever; I can’t be bothered), and Jacob says that they are ‘blood drinkers’.  Bella looks off into the distance as she processes that information, and then they talk pretty casually about how Jacob just violated a sacred treaty, because y’know, who cares, right?

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Bella promises to keep Jacob’s secret and acts like she thinks Jacob is just a really good storyteller, when actually she’s seriously considering that what he’s told her could be accurate, and then Mike and Jessica show up and someone or other is jealous again because Bella is in the company of someone else and I am just so fucking sick of this shit.

Bella informs Jacob that Mike is “definitely not” her boyfriend, because she wants him to keep thinking she’s interested in him because she’s still a manipulative bitch even though she already got the information she wanted out of him…but she makes sure Mike doesn’t see her wink at Jacob, supposedly to spare his feelings.  No it’s fucking not; it’s so she can still pretend he has a chance too, when he’s of use to her.  Fuck you, Bella; just fuck you so very, very much.

Bella tells Jacob he should come visit her when he gets his license, and finally feels guilty for using him, but not enough to fucking stop, and she somehow thinks it’s okay because she “really does like him”, and can see them being friends.  Y’know, casually ignoring the fact that you KNOW that’s not what he wants or what you led him to believe would be the case, you stupid bitch.

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Mike and Bella talk for a brief moment about Jacob’s stories, then Mike informs her that they’re all packing up to leave, so Bella says goodbye to Jacob and tells him she’ll come visit the next time her dad is down that way.  Then off they go, with Bella having been able to find a way to avoid sitting next to Mike, since that’s obviously the worst thing ever, and that’s the end of chapter 6.

Chapter 7: Nightmare

Ohhh, this chapter was really just a whole lot of nothing, wasn’t it?  Sooo many pages of nothing, and then a whole lot of rage.  Alright, here we go.

We start off with more of Bella’s annoying attitude as she gets home, goes to her room and puts on some music to try to distract herself from thinking about what Jacob told her, though I really have no idea why she is so intent on not thinking about it.  She wanted to know, now she knows, and it’s not like she’s going to be able to avoid thinking about it forever, so why bother?  And really, why bother in the first place?  How does not thinking about it help anything?  I don’t get this character at all.

Meyer’s description of Bella listening to music goes on for almost an entire page, and then she finally falls asleep.  She has another dream …and who wants to guess what it’s about?!  That’s right, Edward.  But not just Edward this time; Jacob is there too…and, amazingly, Mike! He’s not completely insignificant to her, apparently!  Yay!

Seemed fitting.

Seemed fitting.

In the dream, Bella is in the forest, trying to find the sun, when Jacob shows up and tries to pull her back into the darkest part of the forest.  She tries to ask him what’s wrong, but he just insists that she run, as Mike calls out to her to run in his direction.  Jacob suddenly turns into a werewolf as Mike continues to yell at Bella to run, but she ignores him in favour of a light she sees coming toward her from the beach…which is, of course, Edward.  His skin is glowing and he’s beckoning her to come to him, which she does, despite that she can see his fangs.  Because she’s an idiot, Jacob has to defend her, so he (in werewolf form) dives at Edward, going for the jugular, which causes Bella to cry out and then wake up.

When she’s awake, Bella realizes that it’s 5:30 am and she’s lying in bed still fully dressed (including boots…okay then), with all the lights on.  She tries to get back to sleep but can’t, even after doing a little striptease, so she decides to go have a shower instead, noticing after she’s done that Charlie is already gone.  When she’s all ready for the day, she bitches about the internet, gets some cereal, puts on some music, fights with some pop-ups, and does an internet search for vampires.  Well goddamn, this is exciting.

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As would be expected, her search returns a large variety of results, some of which she skims over entirely, and others she reads in depth.  I’m not going to get into anything about any of that, because it’s really just a few pages of things you could look up on the internet yourself (in fact, the page that Meyer references actually does exist), but in the end, Bella feels that she hasn’t found much of anything that coincides with what she’s seen of the Cullens, or what Jacob told her.

That doesn’t make much sense to me, given that what she lists as the qualities she’s seen/heard from Jacob should coincide with at least some myths, yet she says there were few myths that matched even one of those criteria…I feel like I’m missing something here.  But am I going to look in depth at the website Meyer mentioned to fact check this?  Hell no.  You can if you want (http://vampiresaz.webs.com/), but that is just way too much work for me to bother with for a book like this that I care so little about.  Sorry guys.

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Bella is perplexed by the fact that those things don’t match up, though, as well as the fact that according to popular culture, Edward should not be able to go out in sunlight…so she angrily shuts off the computer and feels stupid for having looked anything up in the first place.  She wonders briefly what is wrong with herself that would make her do that, but then:

I decided that most of the blame belonged on the doorstep of the town of Forks – and the entire sodden Olympic Peninsula, for that matter.

Of course, because no blame for your own actions should ever go to you, you self-absorbed little fuckwit.  So. Much. Hate.

She decides she wants to leave the house, so she takes off into the woods on foot, which is obviously the best idea ever given the dream she just had…and the fact that she goes on here about how bad her sense of direction is.  I just…so very much do not understand why anyone likes this character.  I know I’ve said that a thousand times before, and I’m sure I’ll say it a thousand more, but really, come on! What is there about her that’s likeable at all, at this point?

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Blah blah blah, names of trees, who gives a fuck…and finally, after almost a page of descriptions of crap in the forest, Bella sits down on a recently fallen tree and realizes how stupid it was to wander out into the forest when she was trying to escape the memory of her dream. More descriptions of forest crap follow that realization, and then Bella decides that it’s much easier to believe Jacob’s stories in the woods than it was in the comfort of Charlie’s house, so she allows herself to consider the things she deems important to figure out about the situation.  And what are those?

1) Is it possible that what Jacob said about the Cullens could be true?

2) If so, what is she going to do about it?

At first, she decides that it isn’t possible that the Cullens could be vampires, but then as she thinks more about Edward’s speed, strength, shifting eye colour, skin, beauty, grace, the fact that he and his siblings don’t eat, and that Edward apparently talks like he’s from a turn-of-the-century novel (I suppose I could see that) – all of which are things she just said are not qualities listed on the vampire websites (unless I read that wrong), remember – as well as the fact that he skipped the blood typing class, only said no to the beach trip when he knew where they were going (which…I get the point she’s making here, but if the sun was supposed to bother him, then wouldn’t he have skipped entirely for that reason?) and seems to always know what everyone (except her, cause she’s special) is thinking…she starts to wonder.

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She decides, in the end, that the Cullens are something inhuman, whether vampire or otherwise, but that she can’t tell anyone else about that because she knows they’d think she’s crazy.  So that leaves her with two options; either do what Edward said and avoid him – which she decides she cannot do because she is “gripped in a sudden agony of despair” just thinking about it (this could not be more emo if it tried) – or she can do absolutely nothing and continue looking at Edward as a good thing despite the danger he could pose to her, because he did save her life after all, so he must not really be all that dangerous.  Riiiiiiight.  Let’s go with that.

She thinks about the ‘dark’ version of Edward from her dream and decides that that was just a reflection of her fear of the idea of vampires, not an actual fear of Edward, especially because even in the dream she cried out in defence of him, because she didn’t want Jacob to hurt him….even though he was calling to her with his fangs out.  She figures she’s in too deep to get out of it now, so why bother trying, and this is all just terrifyingly reminiscent of the thought process that accompanies abusive relationships.  She’s making excuses for things she should rightly be afraid of because she ‘loves him too much’ to let him go, even though he could cause her real, physical harm.  Again with the excellent role models, Meyer.  You scare me.

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Now that I knew – if I knew – I could do nothing about my frightening secret.  Because when I thought of him, of his voice, his hypnotic eyes, the magnetic force of his personality, I wanted nothing more than to be with him right now.  Even if…but I couldn’t think it.

See, this paragraph is fucking horrifying.  Does Meyer intend it to come off that way, or does she really not see how incredibly unhealthy that thought process is?  The fact that young, female readers can be influenced by that kind of thinking terrifies me.  “He’s so pretty, and I love him, so I can’t leave him even if he scares me and even if I know he might kill me.”  Really?  THIS is the example you want to set?  Fuck, I am furious, but more than that, I am just scared for the younger generation.  This is not okay.  I am not okay with this at all.

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Bella gets up and finds the path she was on again, eventually finding her way home, then gets changed and writes a paper she has due for school.  She feels a lot better now that she’s made her incredibly stupid decision, because at least it was a decision, and that’s all she needs, apparently.  She thinks the decision she made is ‘ridiculously easy to live with‘, which is even scarier, but I guess there’d be no book if she didn’t.  Pity, that.

She finishes her paper, thinks about her trip to Seattle with Edward and how it makes her feel the same as taking a walk with Jacob did (what?) and how she should be afraid of it but isn’t, then sleeps without dreaming and wakes up to a sunny day.  Seeing the sun puts her in a good mood, which finally leads her to say something nice about Charlie, thank god…and it’s nice to have some positive descriptions of things in this book for once.  It should be sunny in this book more often.

She heads out to school, and because she gets there early she decides to stop at a picnic bench and go over some of her homework.  She doesn’t get very far before she starts daydreaming, though (who wants to guess it’s of Edward?!), and then Mike shows up wearing shorts, like a bunch of other people, despite that it’s supposedly March.

“‘Hey Mike,’ I called, waving back, unable to be half-hearted on a morning like this.”

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…What?  Are you usually intentionally half-hearted?  How am I always learning worse and worse things about this character?!

They talk briefly about the fact that her hair has red in it, which is just so fucking fascinating I want to claw my eyes out, as is the rest of their conversation about when homework is due…especially because of the very feminist nature of Bella’s topic for her paper; “whether Shakespeare’s treatment of the female character is misogynistic”.  I find that incredibly ironic.  Almost cruelly so.

Eventually, the conversation turns to Mike asking her out for dinner, and Bella asks herself:

Why couldn’t I ever have a pleasant conversation with Mike anymore without it getting awkward?”

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Well, Bella, for one, I’ve seen no proof that that’s even the case, but if you really feel it is, you probably should have told him by now that you’re not interested.  If you’d just done that before, he wouldn’t still think he had a chance with you, and probably wouldn’t act in accordance with that assumption.  So…yeah.

But does she even take this opportunity to tell him she’s not interested?  Helllll no!  Instead, she tells him she doesn’t think it would be a good idea because she thinks it would hurt Jessica’s feelings.  Great, now she’s just gone ahead and blamed Jessica for getting in the way of their love, when she isn’t even actually interested in him.  Poor Jess; she’s never done anything wrong, and she gets treated like shit by Bella any time it isn’t convenient for Bella to give her what she wants.

Mike is a complete idiot though, apparently, as he somehow didn’t notice Jess’s interest in him, so Bella points out that idiocy and takes off to class.  Later in the day she gets invited to go dress shopping with Jess, Angela and Lauren, even though Lauren hates her and she doesn’t need a dress since she’s not going to the dance…but she’s not unsure if she should go for those reasons; no, she’s unsure if she should go because who knows what else she could be doing, because obviously Edward is gonna show up and ask her out for some reason, despite that they haven’t even gone to Seattle yet.  Logical, Bella.

Riiiight.

Riiiight.

As they walk to class, Jess is trying to talk to her, but she is – as usual – completely ignoring her in favour of her own thoughts about Edward.  Such a good friend, this one is.  Fuck.  She is excited to see the Cullens and compare them with what she knows of vampires, but gets a little afraid when she realizes that they might be able to read her thoughts…but when she gets to the cafeteria, none of them are there anyway.

Desolation hit me with crippling strength.”

Really?  Desolation?  Edward and his siblings aren’t there one day, and desolation cripples you?  Wow, yeah, this is just so completely unhealthy it’s almost unfathomable.  I am seriously appalled by this.  I really want to just stop reading now…

I shambled along behind Jessica, not bothering to pretend to listen anymore.”

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Yep, should have just stopped reading.  Wow.  Fucking WOW.  Not only are you a shitty enough person that you weren’t actually listening in the first place because you’re too self-absorbed, but now, because something didn’t go your way, you’re not even going to PRETEND you’re capable of being a decent person?  Why the sweet fucking HELL does anyone want to be friends with this fucking bitch?  She is a HORRIBLE person, and clearly isn’t even trying to HIDE that anymore!  Jess deserves SO much better!  Aggggh, this seriously pisses me off, because I have KNOWN people like this, and they ALWAYS get much better friends and boyfriends than they deserve!  FUCK YOU ENTIRELY, BELLA!

Bella sits down to lunch and answers some questions Angela has about the paper she wrote on the weekend as she “spirals into misery” (fuck you, fuck you, fuck you), and then Angela invites her to go dress shopping as well (Jess invited her before), so she agrees, deciding that she needs something to distract herself.  Great.  You’ll be great fucking company, won’t you?

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She is disappointed all over again when Edward doesn’t show up for Biology, and then her entire gym class is somehow taken up by an explanation on the rules of badminton…as will the next class be, because the teacher didn’t finish in time.  Okay, so either her teacher talks painfully slowly, or the class is full of complete and utter morons, because badminton is not that hard to understand.  Does Meyer know anything about sports, or is Bella a reflection of her?  Because that would explain a lot.  Though honestly, I don’t think anything would explain why it would take two full classes to explain the rules of badminton.  Not unless the classes were like 5 minutes long, anyway.

I was glad to leave campus, so I would be free to pout and mope before I went out tonight with Jessica and company.

Firstly, is it really called a ‘campus’ if it’s for high school?  I hadn’t thought so, but maybe I’m wrong.  Secondly, FUCK YOU, BELLA!  You are so fucking annoying.  “Free to pout and mope“?  Really?  How old are you; 12?  GROW UP!

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Her plans fall through, though, because Mike asks Jessica on a date, so they postpone dress shopping until the next day.  I’m…kind of surprised that Mike asked Jess on a date, cause that’s really pretty terrible, given he has feelings for Bella still, so that’s not really fair to Jess…but wait, why am I surprised?  Meyer did write his character too, after all, and everyone is fucked up in Meyerworld.  Poor Jess.

Bella decides to focus on homework, then reads through emails from her mom and replies with a lie.  Remember how bad she is at lying because she apparently doesn’t like to do it?  Yeah, we just see more and more proof of that, don’t we?  Also, she doesn’t seem very enthusiastic about talking to or hearing from her mother, for someone who claimed that her mother was her ‘best friend’.

She grabs a book and heads down to the backyard to read for a while, a scene which takes entirely too many paragraphs for Meyer to describe, given how simple it is (and how stupid; “…the thick lawn that would always be slightly wet, no matter how long the sun shone“?  Right, that’s the way that works), and I’m not even going to bother going into all the details Meyer added here because none of them are even slightly necessary.

After reading, she falls asleep, and wakes up to the sound of Charlie’s car in the driveway.  She feels like she’s not alone when she wakes, but ignores that feeling and runs into the house to get supper started.  After dinner they watch TV together, and then she asks Charlie if she can go dress shopping with the girls the next day, which seems to be something only added so she could show just how much Charlie doesn’t get girls, yet again.  No man is this stupid, Meyer.  Men like opinions on their clothes too, and they also have friends; he would not be so completely vapid as to be unable to figure out one or two reasons why her friends might invite her to come shopping with them even if she wasn’t going to be buying anything. Really now; this is offensive and stupid.

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I wouldn’t have to explain this to a woman.

He seemed to realize that he was out of his depth with the girlie stuff.

Yep.  Those comments just…make me stabby.  He’s not a fucking moron just because he’s male, Meyer.

Bella continues to demean Charlie’s intelligence as the conversation turns to whether or not he’ll be able to feed himself while she’s gone.  He points out that he did so for 17 years, but what is Bella’s response to that?

‘I don’t know how you survived,’ I muttered, then added more clearly, ‘I’ll leave some things for cold-cut sandwiches in the fridge, okay?  Right on top.‘”

What. The. FUCK?!  This man is her FATHER; how can she be so condescending and disrespectful to him?  Why does he put up with that?  How stupid does she think he is?  Does he REALLY need her to tell him EXACTLY where to find fucking COLD CUTS?  I’m sure he can figure that out on his own!  Fuck, she is SUCH a fucking bitch, and she thinks she’s SO MUCH BETTER than everyone else around her!  SO MUCH RAGE!  Stop talking to your fucking father like he’s a child!  And you know why you don’t know how he survived?  Because you WEREN’T THERE, and you never even gave him one fucking chance to show you whether or not he could cook when you showed up, you just assumed you were oh so fucking superior and went ahead with that!  GAHHHHH! I need to calm down.

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In the morning it is sunny again, but the Cullens still don’t seem to be at school, so Bella is emo.  Conveniently, Lauren is unable to attend the dress shopping that evening, so Bella doesn’t need to deal with her being there, so luckily, she decides to make the most of the trip and be in a good mood for it so as to not ruin things for Jess and Angela.  Thank fucking god.  But let’s see how long that actually lasts, I guess, before I get too excited.

Bella figures Edward won’t cancel their Seattle plans without at least telling her, so she uses that for hope to get through (so it’s not really about Angela or Jess being happy after all…surprise surprise), and the chapter ends with her feeling excited about the trip and writing a note to Charlie “explaining again where to find dinner“, just in case OPENING THE FUCKING FRIDGE DOOR is too hard for him to figure out.  And here comes that rage again.  Okay, I’m going to end this recap now instead of dealing with the last few lines of the chapter, lest I break something.

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(See Mike’s take on these chapters at http://emptystress.wordpress.com!)

Alright, so obviously plans have changed again, and I’m posting just the chapter 5 review for today…which is actually a shortened version of my original one, because I was intending to use it as part of a larger post that encompassed a few chapters, but it’ll have to do because I am not going to go back and try to rewrite everything I cut out of it 😛  From now on, since plans keep changing, I’m just going to go ahead and say I don’t have  a plan, and post whatever makes the most sense at the time based on where Mike and I both are.  So without further ado, chapter 5!

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Chapter 5, I must admit, was not actually all that horrible.  It was boring, for sure, but there was far less whining than in previous chapters, so that helped.  I still like Edward better than anyone else in this book, though, and I’m not sure how to feel about that given what I’ve heard about their relationship as the story progresses…but anyway, enough about me.

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The chapter starts with Bella all starry eyed because Edward asked her to go to Seattle with him, which makes her late for class, because if she is not embarrassed at least a few times in every chapter, this just wouldn’t be Twilight.  She goes on about Mike again for a while, and how she’s still going to go on his beach trip because she feels bad for turning him down…though why the hell anyone would want to take a trip to the beach when temperatures are only in the high forties, I don’t know.  But hey, this is a guy with a crush on Bella, so I guess I shouldn’t really be surprised that he doesn’t have the smartest inclinations.

Annnd then we’re back to unhealthily obsessing over Edward, but at least this time something comes of it; Edward invites Bella over to eat lunch with him, since he’s decided to sit apart from his family for once.  Ooooh.  When she joins him, they have a bunch of awkward and seemingly pointless conversation wherein Edward makes vague references to stealing her away from her friends because he’s given up on having self-restraint, despite that she’s been such a bitch to him…and she tries to get him to agree that they are friends, which he finally does after some weird back and forth, during which he warns her again how bad he is for her.  Yeah, we get it.

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I kind of like the sarcastic undertones that Meyer sprinkles throughout this exchange, but I still don’t feel like this is building up to a pairing that I, as the reader, would support or ‘hope for’.  So far, Edward seems a bit too cocky and arrogant to be as attractive as everyone seems to think he is, and Bella seems too weak and bitchy to be attractive to someone who is viewed as highly as Edward is, so I just don’t buy them together.  I don’t feel chemistry between them during this conversation, and I feel like I should; the sarcasm should have felt a lot more flirtatious than it did.  As it was, it just kind of felt like they were both repeatedly annoyed/offended by one another.

Anyway, the conversation goes on even more pointlessly, as Bella tries to figure out if he’s a superhero (oh god) and passive aggressively calls him on being a frustrating hypocrite, and then Bella eventually switches back into bitch mode as she asks him to ‘do her a favour’ and let her know next time he’s going to ignore her ‘for her own good’.  And then we’re back to the fucking superhero shit again, which normally wouldn’t bother me but it goes on for way too long, before Bella finally realizes that Edward was serious when he told her he was dangerous.

She doesn’t feel afraid of that, though (of course), so that conversation pretty much ends there, and then Bella heads off to class alone, since Edward is so badass that he’s decided to skip.  And I shit you not, all of that was 8.5 pages, and there are still 15.5 pages to go, just of this chapter.  Shoot me now.

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Half a page later Bella gets to class, where her teacher hands out blood typing kits to each of the students, and shows them how to test for their blood type by using Mike as his example.  We quickly learn that Bella can’t handle the sight of blood, as she begins to get nauseous and dizzy as soon as Mike’s finger is pricked, and I get the feeling that Meyer thinks she’s really clever for giving Bella this phobia, but Meyer, seriously, this is fucking lame.  Unless this becomes a big plot point at some point later in the book, this is just stupid (and even if it did, it would need to be an incredibly fucking interesting point to be worth all this shit), and we really didn’t need pages devoted to showing us just how phobic Bella is, and how embarrassed she is about it.

But, of course, that’s exactly what we get; Bella feels faint, her teacher has Mike take her to the nurse, but she stops on the way there and asks to sit down for a bit, and of course, Edward shows up.  Y’know, because when you ditch class you definitely stay on school property; that’s just the best idea! Edward steals Bella away from Mike, despite both Mike and Bella’s pathetic arguments, and teases her about her phobia as he carries her to the nurse.

Once there, we get the usual scene you see when someone goes to the nurse for something entirely uninteresting, Bella tries to be funny but fails, Edward expresses concern for her, they briefly discuss Mike, and then Edward reveals that when he skips class, all he does is sit in his car listening to music.  Riiiiiight.  Fuck, Meyer, didn’t I tell you to fuck off with the convenience crap when we were still on The Host??

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When the nurse comes back, Bella is suddenly cured…and because Meyer didn’t listen to me when I just fucking said to stop with the convenience bullshit, someone else is brought in so she can easily leave.  The boy who’s brought in, though, is apparently bleeding, because Edward tries to protect Bella from it but she says she can smell it anyway…which surprises Edward, because apparently people can’t smell blood.  Um, what?  Yes they can.  I can, anyway, and I’m pretty sure I’m not as special as we’re clearly supposed to think Bella is for being able to smell it.

Anyway, Mike comes out and seems displeased that Bella is doing better, they have some boring chatter about the weekend, then he leaves, reminding Bella that she has gym class…which is obviously just the worst thing ever.  But surprise of surprises, Edward can save her from that too! So he does. I’m not going to get into how since it really shouldn’t have taken a page to do, but either way, they’re both free to go, since Edward is going to take her home because he is such a perfect gentleman.

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They leave the office and amazingly enough, Bella actually manages to thank Edward for what he’s done for her without also being a bitch! Then they talk about whether Edward is going to the beach with the group or not, which of course he isn’t because he’s a sparkly vampire (oops, spoiler alert; I meant to say because he “doesn’t belong in the same world“…ugh), but it does give Bella the opportunity to say “Mike-schmike“, which is both really fucking stupid and a lovely offensive remark against Mike, who has been nothing but nice to her.  I’ll say it again, Bella: You are a total bitch.

Bella tries to go to her truck, but Edward won’t let her because he’s supposed to drive her home…which leads to an entire page of them arguing over whether she can drive home or not, even though we all knew that in the end, she’d go with him anyway, so we really didn’t need all this filler.  Yet again.

Bella decides that if she’s going to have to go with him, she might as well sulk and be completely immature about it, because that’s fucking attractive (seriously; she is not acting like a girl with a crush at all, despite that she supposedly has one), but then she recognizes the music he’s playing, and decides that’s a good enough reason to drop her act before she’s even started it.  Okay, sure.

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They drive for a while, then Edward starts asking her about her mom, which depresses her, so they start talking about how old she is.  Edward says she doesn’t seem seventeen, and it seems we’re supposed to believe that Bella comes off as much older than she is to the people who know her, but I find that incredibly fucking hard to believe given what an immature, spoiled brat she is.

Well, someone has to be the adult.

Really, Bella?  You think YOU’RE the adult, as compared to your parents?  What the unholy fuck?!

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Edward asks her why her mother married Phil, which seems to be kind of a stupid question, but Bella answers anyway, so they discuss whether or not Bella is happy about the marriage…all so we can be reminded – yet a-fucking-gain – of how ‘generous’ and ‘selfless’ Meyer’s characters are.  Uggggh.

They end up on the topic of whether or not Edward is scary, and Bella responds saying something that almost sounds flirty but I guess is not, and then they get on to talking about Edward’s adoption and the death of his birth parents.  Tragic.  I feel like I should care a lot more than I do.

Bella tries to bring up Edward’s siblings, but he says he has to go, then reveals that he won’t be in class the next day because he’s going hiking.  He asks Bella to be careful not to get hurt, so she responds sarcastically and slams the door – because remember, she is “the adult” – and then Edward drives off, and that is the end of chapter 5.

(See Mike’s take on this chapter at http://emptystress.wordpress.com!)

Why can’t this book get any better?  Why am I hating these characters and their interactions more and more with every page?  Why is none of this believable?  Why did this book get such rave reviews, and why did I think it was going to be better than The Host?  Why did I ever decide to read this crap?

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Okay, so we start with Bella’s dream about Edward, which is nothing more than her chasing him as he walks away from her in darkness.  Exciting.  After that first dream, she has similar dreams about him almost every night, and then Meyer changes the subject back to how hard Bella’s life is again.  Yay.

The month after the accident is generally crap because people are paying attention to her and she hates people caring OR not caring about her, and because Tyler is always trying to make amends with her, which is just soooooo annoying.  Tyler following her around makes Mike and Eric jealous, so clearly her circle of swoony guys is growing, so we’ll undoubtedly get to hear even more whining about all the unwanted attention she gets as the book goes on.

Bella tries to turn all the attention onto Edward, which seems like a terrible idea given his disposition, but luckily no one pays much attention to her attempts because they didn’t see Edward until the van had been pulled away, and somehow that meant his contribution wasn’t important.  She wonders why no one else noticed where Edward had actually been standing before the accident happened, then realizes that no one else is as obsessed with him as she is, which is super pathetic…and yes, dear, it is.

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Bella is jealous of Edward for the fact that everyone continues to avoid him, as they did before, instead of falling over themselves to talk to him as they are with her…and she’s also displeased that he no longer looks at her or acknowledges her presence when they’re in class together; instead sitting as far away from her as possible.  She decides that his disposition toward her must mean that he wishes he hadn’t saved her life, because “no other conclusion” makes more sense than that.  Yeah, that’s not super emo or anything.

We go back in time slightly to the day after the accident, when Bella finally realized that she probably shouldn’t be pissed at Edward for not telling her all his secrets when he JUST SAVED HER LIFE, and we see how when she tried to talk to him in class, he gave her no response beyond a nod.  That seems a pretty reasonable reaction, to be fair; she didn’t try to apologize for being an ungrateful little bitch, she just tried to say hi, so why should he feel like engaging in conversation with her?

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Back in the ‘present’, Bella watches Edward creepily from a distance, but when they’re in class she pretends to ignore his presence the way he does to her, because that’s obviously the mature thing to do when you’ve wronged someone and should be apologizing.  She keeps dreaming of him and being miserable, and her depression over Edward is so apparent that her mother can tell something’s wrong through email, so she calls a bunch (which, of course, Bella doesn’t like).

Once again, though, why does Bella refer to her mother as “Renee”?  These people are her parents; there’s no reason why she should be referring to them by their first names when she’s thinking about them.  Her relationship with her mother is definitely supposed to be good, so this just feels awkward.

Then we’re back to Mike, and how happy he is that Bella and Edward no longer seem to communicate, because it means his imaginary chances with her were not spoiled by Edward saving her life.  He grows more confident and bold, ignoring Edward, and then we get into a bunch of pointless blather about how disappointed he is about not getting to have his snowball fight, but how happy he is that they’ll get to go to the beach soon.  Who the fuck cares?

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As if this chapter wasn’t inane enough, the next couple of pages are nothing but talk about some stupid girls’ choice dance, and how Jessica wants to invite Mike, which Bella is fine with since she’s not going.  She thinks because Jess doesn’t try very hard to convince her to go, it means she likes her more for her popularity than her company, which is fucking stupid because Jess was one of the first people to pay attention to her anyway, before she became popular, and because it`s incredibly fucking obvious that Jess isn`t going to push her on going because she wants Mike to say yes to her, so she sure as hell doesn`t want Bella there when she knows Mike will want to be with Bella instead.  Why Bella needs to turn everything into a “woe is me, no one really likes me for me” whine fest, I don’t know, but here we are yet a-fucking-gain.

The next day, Jessica is quiet and avoids Mike, who is also quiet, so we all know what happened, but Meyer feels the need to draw it out anyway.  Mike and Bella get into the expectedly awkward conversation about Jess asking him, and how he wants to go with Bella instead, which she should have fucking expected since she knew he had feelings for her, so why she feels the need to make him SAY he wants to go with her, I don’t know…but of course she does, then feels guilty about it and tells him he should go with Jess.

He asks if she already asked someone and she tells him no, then lies about having to go to Seattle that day and presses him on saying yes to Jess.  He decides she’s right and leaves, and then class starts, with Edward for some reason staring at Bella now with a frustrated look on his face.  Man, I am so bored.

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Bella stares back at Edward until the teacher calls on him to answer a question and he looks away (apparently reluctantly, though of course that’s what Bella would want to believe), at which point Bella looks down and hides her face so he can’t see how emotional his staring at her has made her. She actually realizes that the amount of influence Edward has over her is unhealthy, yet I highly doubt that’s going to make anything about their relationship healthier in the future, or that Meyer will ever acknowledge again that it’s really not healthy, so I’m not going to get my hopes up here.

Bella tries to ignore Edward for the rest of class, but then at the end, when she’s getting ready to go, Edward tries to get her attention.  She has to fight her swooniness over his voice and “too-perfect face” when she looks at him, but when she finally responds, she does so in a bitchy way again, snapping at him as she asks if he’s speaking to her again.  God, Bella, you’re such an idiot; you owe him an apology, yet he’s seeking you out, and you’re totally in love with him and want him to talk to you, but when he does you act like a petulant child again?  Wtf?

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Edward is amused by her childishness, which annoys her all the more, so she asks him what he wants and he apologizes to her for not talking to her, saying it’s for the best if they’re not friends, but that he’s aware that he’s being rude.  Yep, he is definitely way more of an adult than she will ever be.

The bitchiness escalates as Bella tells him it’s too bad he didn’t figure out that they shouldn’t be friends earlier so he could have saved himself the ‘regret’ of having saved her, which is just ungrateful and emo and fucking annoying all over again, and shocks Edward to even hear.  She tells him she knows he regrets it, which understandably angers him because she’s presuming to know his feelings and STILL BEING UNGRATEFUL (she still has yet to truly thank him or apologize), so he tells her she doesn’t know anything, which causes her to turn away and storm off.  Oh, fuck you, Bella.

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Luckily she trips on the doorjamb and drops everything as she goes to leave the room, so there is some justice in the world, but instead of laughing at her like she might deserve, Edward simply goes and stacks all the books she dropped and hands them to her.  Is she finally grateful?  No, she thanks him icily and storms off again without looking back.  Wow.  Just fucking wow.  Why is anyone interested in her again?  Edward really should regret saving her by this point.

Next we’re off to gym, where Bella apparently can’t stand up straight because they’re playing basketball, even though she’s never given the ball, and I’m left wondering whether Meyer really wanted us to like Bella or not.  She’s such a pathetic, annoying character that I’m starting to think she didn’t, but I can’t understand why she would write a character we weren’t mean to connect with or at least feel sympathy for.  I have yet to find a reason why I would ever want to read even the rest of this book, nonetheless the rest of the series, if I didn’t have to…

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Anyway, yeah, Bella sucks at gym and blames it on thinking about Edward even though she sucked at gym before she met Edward, and thinking of things other than her balance should not cause her to lose her balance…and then she rushes out to her truck, which we get a brief damage assessment on before she finds Eric leaning against it. Unsurprisingly (for me, anyway; apparently Bella is surprised), Eric is there to see if she wants to go to the dance with him, so she turns him down, using the same excuse as she used on Mike.

Eric leaves, and Bella hears Edward laugh as he passes in front of her truck, which ignites her anger again, so she jumps into her truck and pulls out in just enough time to be cut off by his car.  He blocks off the path out of the school as he waits for his family, annoying Bella even further as traffic piles up behind her, and then Tyler, who was in the car behind her, comes up to her truck and knocks on the window.  Who wants to guess what he wants?!

Bella thinks he’s annoyed that she’s blocking traffic, so she immediately tells him it’s Edward’s fault, but he shrugs that off, saying he’d wanted to ask her something…which is, of course, if she’ll ask him to the dance.  Fuuuuuuck, I am sick of this shit.  Just fucking end, okay book?  We do not need to sit here watching Bella have the same fucking conversation three times!

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Once again, she tells him she won’t be in town, which apparently he already knew from Mike but had hoped was just a way to let Mike down easy…as though it would have gone over so well if she’d lied to Mike and then gone with someone else.  Smart, Tyler. She reiterates that she’s going out of town, which Tyler is fine with because there will still be prom to go to, and then off he goes.

Bella can see that Edward is laughing hysterically in front of her, watching her through the rear view mirror, and she considers rear ending his car, but he takes off before she can.  She drives home and starts to make chicken enchiladas for supper, which sounds incredibly fucking delicious and I want it, and as she does so, Jess calls her to tell her that Mike agreed to go to the dance with her.  Bella ‘celebrates’ with her, then discovers that she is going to call her other girlfriends to tell them too, so Bella suggests that those friends ask Eric and Tyler to the dance.  Jess agrees that they should, then reiterates that she wishes Bella would go to the dance (so maybe she can stop whining about Jess not really liking her), but Bella gives her the same excuse as she gave the guys.  Lies for everyone!

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After she gets off the phone, she tries to concentrate on what she’s doing, but she is (once again) too distracted by thoughts of Edward.  As she analyzes his every word, she realizes that he must see how she feels about him and not want to lead her on, which is why he says they can’t be friends; because he’s not interested in her.  This leads, of course, to her thinking about how wonderful and perfect he is, and how that means that of course he wouldn’t be interested in her because she’s not interesting, because Meyer is winning at portraying self-esteem in girls once again…and then she’s angry about it and decides to leave him alone completely.

She turns her mind to the sunny places she intends to go for college as she finishes making the food, and then Charlie comes home and is suspicious about the green peppers, but because he’s a big, brave cop, he tries the food anyway.  What the…oh, fuck it.

Bella tells Charlie that she’s going to go to Seattle for the day to make her lie become the truth…no, wait, she starts to tell him that she is, then asks if it’s okay because she feels rude just telling him, even though she doesn’t want to ask permission because doing so “sets a bad precedent“.  I just…seriously, this character.  There are no words.

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Charlie asks why she’s going, so she tells him it’s because the library in Forks sucks, and because she wants to get some new clothes.  He mentions that the truck doesn’t get good gas mileage, so she says she’ll make a few stops along the way (cause that makes it better), and he asks if she’s going by herself.  When she tells him she is, he worries about her getting lost because Seattle is so big, but she argues that Phoenix is bigger, and that she can read a map.  He asks if she wants him to go with her, which she is horrified by for no good reason that I can see, so she tells him she’ll be in dressing rooms all day to put him off, because of course he’s a man and Meyer is super stereotypical.  Needless to say, it works, and Charlie gives up.

And then, god help me, this chapter keeps fucking going, with Charlie asking her if she’s going to the dance and her telling him she doesn’t dance, and then it’s the next morning, and Bella is trying to park as far away from Edward as possible so she can resist the temptation to smash into his car.  When she gets out of her truck, though, she drops her keys into a puddle, and then Edward is suddenly there, handing them to her.  She asks him how he appears out of thin air the way he does, and he responds with my favourite line of the book so far:

“‘Bella, it’s not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant.‘”

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I’m not even sure why I like that line so much, but I do; it made me laugh.  Bella, of course, is not pleased by this remark and scowls at him, then asks him why he blocked traffic the day before.  If she’d just left it at that, the question might have been fine, but being the child that she is, she needs to add in a snipey comment about how he was supposed to be pretending she didn’t exist, not irritating her to death.  Grow the fuck up.

Edward tells her he did it to give Tyler a chance to ask her to the dance, which pisses Bella off even more, and that subsequently amuses Edward even more, but then Bella takes it a bit too far when she accuses him yet again of trying to irritate her to death “since Tyler’s van didn’t do the job“.  He calls her ‘utterly absurd’, which is kind of stupid because no high school guy would actually say that, but either way, Bella turns and walks away, holding back the urge to hit him.

As she leaves, Edward calls after her, but she just keeps going.  He apologizes for being rude (again, when the fuck is she going to apologize for anything?!), even if he knows what he said was true, and she asks why he won’t leave her alone.  He says he wanted to ask her something but she sidetracked him, and he seems to be back to normal again, so she asks him if he has multiple personality disorder, then asks what he wants to ask.

Because nothing makes any fucking sense in this book, Edward asks her (after a brief interval in which he makes it look like he’s going to ask her to the dance, and she gets pissed) if she wants a ride to Seattle the day she’s decided to go.  Why the hell would he offer that, when he just told her it was for the best if they weren’t friends, and she’s been such a gigantic fucking bitch to him?!

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Skipping the stupid drawn out back and forth Meyer feels compelled to add ALL THE FUCKING TIME, Bella asks him why he’s offering, and he says it’s because he was planning to go anyway, and he doesn’t think her truck can make it.  She turns him down because she’s a fucking moron, but he persists, which eventually leads to her pointing out that he didn’t want to be her friend, and him correcting her, saying he said it would be better if they weren’t friends, not that he didn’t want to be.  *sigh* Fucking Christ, I am so done.

He says it would be more prudent for her to not be his friend, but he’s tired of trying to stay away from her, and she gets all hot and bothered over that and can’t say anything.  Why the hell is he so drawn to her?  GIVE ME A FUCKING REASON, MEYER!  Stop telling me everyone wants to be with her without giving me a single goddamn reason why ANYONE would want to be with her, nonetheless HIM!  This is so fucking stupid!

He asks again if she’ll go to Seattle with him and she just nods, so he smiles, tells her that she should stay away from him but he’ll see her in class anyway, and leaves.  And that’s the end of the chapter.  I’m fucking pissed; this is such bullshit.  If he really thinks she should stay away, he should stay the fuck away from her, and at some point SOMEONE in this book needs to call her on her fucking attitude.  And I mean really call her on it, not just point out that she’s being a bitch and then trip over themselves to apologize for pointing it out because despite that she IS an annoying, whiny bitch, they can’t help but want to fuck her.  Agggggh.  Done.  I’m just done.

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And I think that should be enough posts to illustrate what this book is like; whiny, annoying, repetitive, and full of characters that make absolutely no fucking sense.  Can you see how every recap would just be reiterating the rage of the last one?  So, on to the full review!  Yay.

I can’t even count the amount of times I rolled my eyes while reading this chapter.  This book is so negative and whiny it’s physically painful; it actually has already, by the third chapter, managed to top The Host in that regard.  And here I thought this one might be better…*sigh*

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Because this chapter could clearly start no other way, the first page is all about Bella waking up, finding snow on the ground, and acting like it’s the end of the world.  Yaaaay.  Charlie is gone when she gets downstairs, so she has breakfast and thinks about how bad it is that she’s excited to go to school, because nothing can be positive for more than five minutes in her life.  Though the reason it’s bad is because she’s excited to see Edward, so I guess I can see her point…actually, no, it would still be nice if everything didn’t need to turn negative all the time.  But I have to stop hoping for that, or I’m going to end up very depressed by the end of this book.

She obsesses about Edward for a while, repeating things we already knew if we read the last two chapters, and then leaves the house for her treacherous walk to the truck.  It’s ice, Meyer; it’s not going to kill her if she falls, so enough with the drama.

Clearly, today was going to be nightmarish.”

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Ugh. That really encourages me to read on.

On her drive to school, Bella thinks about how popular she’s become with the boys and how that never happened back in Phoenix, but instead of being flattered, she finds it ‘disconcerting’.  Seriously, this girl is NEVER happy about ANYTHING.  She thinks she might prefer being ignored to having their attention in a romantic capacity, which is ridiculous given how much she complained about expecting to be ignored and have no friends, and I just don’t know if I’m going to be able to stand multiple books of this crap. How does anyone like Meyer’s characters?  How are they the least bit likeable, when this is how they act?  I will never understand all the love here!

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Bella arrives at school and realizes that the reason she had a pretty easy drive there despite the icy roads was because Charlie put chains on her tires to give her more traction, and thankfully, she’s very grateful for and emotional over that realization.  As long as Charlie gets the appreciation he deserves, I’m happy.

But of course nothing good can ever actually be good in the land of Meyer, so while she stands by her truck appreciating what Charlie has done for her, a van loses control in the parking lot and careens toward her.  Bella sees Edward across the parking lot looking horrified, just before she sees the van…and then all of a sudden she gets hit by something, which knocks her to the pavement right before the van hits her truck.

For added drama, Meyer has the truck curl around and come toward her again, but again it doesn’t hit her, this time because a mystery man’s hands shoot out and grab the van and then push Bella out of the way so that the van can land in the spot where her legs had been.  I’m not going to get into the descriptions of all that, because I don’t honestly want to have to think about it all the way I had to with The Host, but let’s just assume it doesn’t make any sense because none of the ‘action scenes’ Meyer writes ever do.

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Everyone starts yelling Bella’s name, but all she can hear is Edward asking her if she’s alright.  She realizes she’s cuddled up against him and that she’s hurt her head, but instead of addressing any of that, she decides instead to ask Edward how he got across the parking lot so fast.  He tells her he was standing right next to her, so she sits up and looks at him, and then forgets what she was asking him because he’s so pretty or something.

A bunch of panicked people show up to deal with Bella and the guy in the van that crashed (Tyler), so Edward tells Bella to stay down where she is.  She suddenly remembers the question she’d tried to ask him, so she and Edward have a little argument over whether he was standing next to her or across the parking lot before the accident happened, because, in Bella’s words, “I was right, and he was going to admit it.”  Yep, this is a great character.  That’s definitely a good attitude to model for young girls; very useful in romantic relationships.  Ugggggh.

Edward tries to intimidate Bella into agreeing with him, but she’s too stubborn, so he ends up pleading with her.  She finally agrees, but only if he promises to explain everything later, which annoys him, but he says he will.  And for some reason, she responds angrily to his agreeing to do what she asked.  Yup.

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Paramedics show up and Bella gets put on a stretcher, which is just omgsoembarrassing for her, but it’s even worse when her dad shows up, worried about her.  God, how annoying; your parent showing up after you were in an accident that could have killed you, and expressing concern for your well-being.  Why wouldn’t you sigh and whine about that?

As her dad talks with the paramedic about her condition, she replays what happened in her head, remembering how there had been a dent on the bumper of the car next to her from Edward’s shoulders when he saved her the second time.  She notices Edward’s family standing by, looking angry and disapproving of Edward but not concerned for him (how she can tell this, I don’t know, but whatever), and is very confused about how any of what happened could make sense.

When they get to the hospital, Bella is jealous that Edward gets to walk in of his own accord because she’s soooo humiliated that she has to be taken care of, so as soon as she gets a minute away from the nurse attending her, she pulls off the “stupid-looking” neck brace they gave her and throws it under the bed.  Seriously, how old is this girl?  She’s so fucking childish!

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Tyler gets wheeled into the room with her then, and immediately begins apologizing to her.  They briefly discuss what happened, with Bella using the lie Edward told her to tell about being next to her, despite that she’s a terrible liar – again, just like Wanda.  Like I said, there’s one main character that goes by different names when Meyer’s writing; there simply cannot be any variety in their personalities.

Tyler is surprised by her story because he hadn’t noticed Edward near her when the accident happened, but he somehow skims over that fact and accepts her obvious lie anyway.  Knowing Tyler didn’t see Edward either confirms for Bella that she was right about what happened, and then she’s off to get x-rayed, where she is informed that she doesn’t even have a concussion, so she’s all good.  Yay, right?  Nope, not with Bella; just more complaining because she has to get a doctor’s permission before she can leave, so she has to ‘endure’ Tyler apologizing to her some more.  Suck it up, Bella; appreciate your good fortune here, and the fact that he cares so much.

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But this, of course, is her attitude.

Edward shows up and opens himself up to Bella’s complaining again by asking her how she’s doing.  When she tells him she’s fine but they won’t let her go, he tells her that’s what he’s there for, and at that moment – because his timing is impeccable – the doctor walks in, and he is sooo gorrrrrgeoussss, so we know he’s Dr. Cullen.  As if it would have been anyone else.

Dr. Cullen asks Bella how she’s doing, and they discuss how fine she is before he gives her head a quick checkup and then tells her she can go home.  She wants to go back to school for some reason, though, and is upset when it seems like Edward will be but she won’t, but is then mortified to find out that “most of the school seems to be in the waiting room“.  Uh, what?  Why would that ever be the case?  That’s not how things work in real life, Meyer…besides which, why would she be all upset that the school is there, yet also upset because she wants to go back to school?  Ugggh, these characters.

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Dr. Cullen asks her if she wants to stay in the hospital, so she quickly tells him she doesn’t and jumps out of the bed, almost falling over in the process.  Idiot.  Blah blah blah, she was lucky, she makes things awkward by mentioning Edward being next to her in the accident in front of his father, who she knows will know better, and then Dr. Cullen is busy with Tyler, so Bella decides to take the opportunity to talk to Edward.

Edward tries to avoid talking to her, for obvious reasons, but she’s still too stubborn to back down, so they go into a hallway together, where she demands the explanation she feels he owes her.  He is obviously very annoyed by this, since he saved her life and all, but he reacts kind of stupidly to the things she says, so in a way it’s not really that surprising that she’s mad at him at this point.  Still, she’s not coming off as a very attractive character; way too pushy, stubborn, self-absorbed and whiney.  How is she a love interest?

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Edward asks her what she thinks happened, so she runs over what she knows about the situation, getting upset by the end as she realizes how crazy the things she’s saying sound.  Edward tells her no one will believe her that he lifted a van off of her, but she says she’s not planning on telling anyone, which surprises him.  She tells him she just doesn’t like to lie, so she wants to know why she’s doing it if she’s going to have to, and Edward realizes she’s not going to back down, but decides he won’t either.

She gets distracted by how fucking pretty he is again, which I am entirely sick of, and then asks him why he even bothered saving her, because that’s showing gratefulness.  Edward says he doesn’t know, then turns and leaves. I don’t know either, dude.  You could have spared us both a lot of pain if you hadn’t.

When Bella gets out to the waiting room, eeeeeeveryone is there, because somehow this is a big enough deal that the entire TOWN needs to come out for it.  Among them is, of course, Charlie (don’t know why he wouldn’t have been allowed to see her in the hospital room, especially if she was fine, but whatever), and Bella is, as usual, short and rude with him because she’s embarrassed that he cares about her.  Haaaaate.

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Charlie leads her out to his cruiser and they drive home in silence, because Bella is still too busy thinking about Edward.  When they get home, he tells her she’ll have to call her mom, and she gets allllll pissed off because how dare he tell her mother that she was in a potentially fatal accident?!

She does call her mom, though, who is hysterical and tries to get her to come home even though she is supposedly not at home, and Bella is surprised that she’s able to resist her mother’s pleas.  Why is she able to?  Because she’s obsessed with Edward.  Great.  At least she knows it’s stupid, but still, great.

She goes to bed early because Charlie caring about her is soooo annoyyyyyingg, and when she falls asleep, she dreams about Edward, and that’s the last line of the chapter so clearly the dream is supposed to be significant.  Excitement.

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You know, there’s really not much to say about these chapters.  With The Host, there was usually a bit I could add to the beginning and end of the recaps, but with these it’s just all whining all the time, so there’s nothing I can really add to that.  So…that’s that, then!

This chapter was a lot longer than I feel like it needed to be.  There was a lot of unnecessary filler, which is not at all surprising given my experience with Meyer, but it just dragged on so much, and then ended without having had a whole lot of substance at any point.  The first half is basically just Bella doing normal, everyday things, and then the second half is just plain weird, so I’m left with a bad taste in my mouth about this one.  It wasn’t horrible, but I certainly didn’t enjoy it as much as the first one, and that’s dampening my hopes for this being much better than The Host, in the end.

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So that we don’t get our hopes up about this chapter not being emo, the first line is “The next day was better…and worse“.  Yay.  It’s better because she gets to make a perfectly nice guy who has done nothing to her jealous, and that is satisfying for her, and because she gets to eat lunch with a whole bunch of people instead of alone.  Everything’s coming up Bella!

…Except that she’s tired, poor baby, and being tired leads her to make a fool of herself in a couple of classes, so that’s why the day is worse.  Well, part of why; the other part is that Edward isn’t in school.  You know, the guy that freaked her out entirely yesterday, and that she actually says in this chapter that she was dreading having to see; she’s supposedly upset that he’s not around.  Why, exactly?  I mean, she seems relieved he’s not there, and rightfully so, so why would him not being there make the day worse?  Is Meyer confused?  Cause I certainly am.

Blah blah blah, Bella’s a coward, unimportant things happen as she worries that Edward will show up, she feels better as Mike walks her to class and Edward isn’t showing up, she and Mike talk a little when they get to class and it becomes clear that he’s got a crush on her, so she’s going to have to let him down easy, and then Edward still isn’t there and Bella is relieved about that…except that she’s not.

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Wait, what?  She’s relieved he may not be there up until the point that she confirms that he’s not there, at which point she feels bad because she feels she’s the reason he’s not there?  Why would she care about that, when he scared her?  Why would that be bad enough for her to consider it something that made the day “worse”?  She only focuses on how egotistical it is to think that she could be the reason for him not being there, but she’s really got to look at why she’d feel guilty about that at all.  I don’t like the way Meyer writes these characters; this is not how young women should feel.  If someone makes you feel scared and uncomfortable when they’re around you, you should feel no guilt for getting them away from you, whether it happens intentionally or not, and for feeling good when they’re not there.  It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes, especially when you might be in danger otherwise.

The school day ends and Bella manages to avoid Mike, so she heads to her truck and gets her grocery money and shopping list ready, since apparently Charlie is incapable of cooking anything, so she’s going to take over.  How has he survived so long on his own if he can’t cook more than fried eggs and bacon?  How did he ever provide for her when she visited when she was younger?  And why does she continue to refer to him as ‘Charlie’ when they don’t seem to have had a bad relationship prior to this?  I thought most people called their father ‘dad’ (or something similar) unless their relationship was poor…

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Anyway, she heads to the grocery store, but Meyer takes an entire page to get her there.  Said page is filled with nothing but Bella watching the other people from Edward’s group get into their car, going on about their expensive clothes and how jealous she is that they have both looks and money, and then deciding that the reason their group is isolated from everyone else must be because they want to be, not because other people don’t want them around.  Her reason for believing that?  “I couldn’t imagine any door that wouldn’t be opened by that degree of beauty.”  Seriously?!  Why does Meyer prize beauty above ALL else?  It’s a very unhealthy point of view to have!  Especially when you’re impressing it on young readers, most of whom are female!

Blah blah blah about doing the shopping; no one cares…and then she’s home, where she prepares a lovely dinner, changes, and then reads a bunch of emails from her mom.  Really, this is just riveting.  I’m so glad I’m reading this book.

In the emails, her mom exhibits her ‘scatterbrained’ tendencies and then panics when Bella doesn’t respond, and threatens to call her father if she doesn’t hear from her.  Bella writes her back telling her that everything’s great, that her dad bought her a truck and that she misses her, and that’s that.  See what I said about the first half of this chapter being mundane?

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To up the excitement, Bella starts reading, and then when her father gets home, she heads back down to continue making dinner.  We are treated to a random rant about her father having never shot his gun, which I think was just so Meyer could make the point that Bella is not suicidal enough to shoot herself, as though that’s necessary, and then Bella is sad that her dad remembers her mother’s experimental cooking, but it’s all good because Bella’s only made steak and potatoes this time.

The pair eat dinner and Bella tells her dad about the people she’s met at school, which leads to a brief description by Charlie about Mike and his family, followed by a much more involved one about the Cullen family.  Charlie is very defensive of them, because he’s got a lot of respect and appreciation for Dr. Cullen, and because none of the kids have ever caused any trouble.  He’s very upset that people talk negatively about the family, and his reaction surprises Bella, so she clarifies that she thought they all seemed nice, they just keep to themselves a lot.

For some reason, Bella also finds it pertinent to mention that they’re all very attractive, which makes Charlie laugh.  He tells her that Dr. Cullen is even more attractive – distractingly so – and then they both go silent until they’re done dinner.  Not sure why; that doesn’t seem like an awkward thing to say given her comment…but hey, whatever floats your boat.

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Bella washes the dishes while Charlie watches TV, which seems weird to me given she did all the cooking, but why am I surprised, when this is coming from Meyer?  After she’s done, she does some homework and then goes to bed, where she can finally sleep.  Huzzah!  One less thing to complain about!

The rest of the week goes by without much happening, though Edward still doesn’t return to school, which Bella finally allows herself to be relieved about, and while Meyer does try to explain what happened without describing every moment of each day (which is appreciated), she still goes on a bit long, given how unimportant the things she does bother to talk about seem to be.

The weekend passes with Charlie working and Bella cleaning the house, doing homework, writing emails to her mom and going to the library, which disappoints her just like everything else in Forks does, and then it’s Monday, and more unimportant stuff is happening.  I’m pretty sure this book has more filler than The Host at this point, and that is horrendously depressing.  Only 13 and a half pages left in this chapter…dear god, these recaps are seriously going to take forever, for very little content.  Ugggggh.

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On Monday, Bella is happily greeted by a bunch of people, and that, combined with an easy pop quiz, makes her feel more comfortable about living in Forks, which obviously surprises her.  After her first class, she and Mike walk outside to discover that it’s snowing, which everyone is excited about except for Bella, who thinks the snow has ruined her day.  Really?  It’s snow; what’s it going to do to you?  You spent all this time complaining about the rain, and snow will be quieter at night, so…what’s the problem?

But no, she has to complain about the snow because it’s “too cold for rain“, which for some reason she now would prefer, I guess, and because she doesn’t think it looks right, since it’s not coming down in big flakes like she’s seen on TV (since she’s from somewhere where it doesn’t snow, so she’s never seen snow in real life before).  Considering how new this is, shouldn’t she at least be a little bit interested/excited to see it, regardless of whether it’s exactly how she imagined it?  I hate that Meyer’s characters never seem to appreciate anything.

Someone (which Bella suspects to be Eric) throws a snowball at Mike, so Mike prepares to retaliate, while Bella takes off because she doesn’t like “people throwing wet stuff“, and then proceeds to complain about the snow even more.  At lunch she has to pass through a giant snowball fight, which is kind of surprising to me because I don’t really remember kids doing that when I was in high school…but anyway, Bella doesn’t get hit with any, so it’s all good.

Yay.

Yay.

When they get inside the cafeteria, Bella notices that Edward has returned to school, and has a bit of a panic attack.  Her friends are concerned for her because they don’t know what’s wrong, but she just tells them she feels sick, and then considers whether she should skip class and go to the nurse’s office instead.  She decides against it when she sees that Edward is not glaring at her, he’s not even paying attention to her, and he seems happy, as his group are all laughing.  She notes that Edward seems less pale, and that something else about him is different as well, but she can’t place what.

Jessica catches Bella looking at Edward, and just as she does, Edward catches her doing so as well.  She looks away quickly, but is pleased that when he did look at her, he didn’t look angry, just curious.  Jessica confirms that Edward doesn’t look angry and asks why Bella would think he would be, so she confesses that she doesn’t think Edward likes her.  Jessica informs her that the Cullens don’t like anybody, or notice them enough to care, but that Edward is still staring at her anyway.

Bella tells Jessica to stop looking at him, which she does, and then Mike shows up again with plans to have an ‘epic’ snowball fight after school, which Bella, of course, instantly decides she’ll have to hide to avoid being a part of.  Luckily for her, though, she won’t have to worry about that, because when they leave the cafeteria after lunch, they all discover that the snow is already gone, having been replaced by rain.

How convenient.

How convenient.

When she gets to class, Bella is pleased to see that Edward is not there yet.  He shows up only a few minutes later, though, and almost instantly greets her, which shocks her.  We are treated to a brief description of how unbelievably gorgeous he is, but of course, and then he introduces himself in an absurdly polite manner which indicates that he already knows who she is.

Bella is confused, wondering if she imagined his anger from the other day, and panics a bit knowing that she’s got to come up with something to say to him, so she asks him how he knows her name.  That leads to an awkward conversation that I can’t really understand the point of, in terms of the plot of the book, because all it points out is that Edward somehow knows to call her Bella right off the bat, whereas everyone else initially calls her Isabella and then has to be told she prefers Bella.  Who cares?

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As luck would have it, after their awkward exchange, Bella and Edward discover that they need to work as lab partners for the class, to identify the phases of mitosis using a microscope.  And this is where the chapter starts getting weird.  Considering how little actually happens here, Meyer takes a hell of a lot of time to get through this lab, I’m assuming just to show us how Bella and Edward interact together.  But as I said, it’s weird, and it’s awkward, and it’s like a battle for who’s the smartest when it’s clearly both of them, which just seems obnoxious to me.  Even the parts that are supposed to seem flirtatious just feel annoying.

All we really learn throughout this is that Bella is all googly eyed over how ‘beautiful’ Edward is, they’re both smart, like I said (and like we already knew about Bella), Edward has ice cold hands (I wonder why) and when he touches Bella, she feels an electric shock…and they’re both competitive show-offs.  I really feel like it did not need to take multiple pages to establish all that useless bullshit.

Still, they’re done their work long before anyone else is, so they’re left with more time for awkward interactions (yaaaay) and for Bella to describe how different Edward’s eyes seem from what they looked like the last time she saw him.  I know that’s probably supposed to actually be relevant in some way, but y’know, I just really don’t care to such a degree that I’m not even going to go into any details about it.  Like I said, there is so much stuff in this chapter that is either clearly filler or is probably supposed to be important but feels like filler anyway, that I just can’t be bothered.

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The teacher comes over to check their answers, which are of course all correct, and identifies that Bella was in advanced placement courses when she was in Phoenix, because she is just THAT smart.  The teacher seems unhappy about this for some reason and goes away, so Edward starts talking about how unfortunate it is that the snow is gone, which Bella obviously disagrees with.

Blah blah blah, it’s soooo difficult for her to live in Forks, and that’s fascinating to Edward for some reason, and then we finally get to know why Bella actually moved to Forks when she apparently hates it and everything about it so much.  She says it’s because her mother got remarried, and then oh my god it takes forever for Meyer to get to the reason why that would make her move, because she needs to go on uselessly about a bunch of other crap…and finally we get to that her mother’s new husband moves a lot, and Bella knew her mother was unhappy not being with him (because she was staying behind to be with Bella), so she left so that her mother could be happy.  Awwwww, how entirely self-sacrificing, just like Wanda!  Fuck.

I don’t know, I would be all for this if Meyer’s characters didn’t always go all ‘woe is me’ after doing something ‘nice’ for someone, but when they do, it just really takes away from the nice deed that they did, and makes it annoying.  It doesn’t seem like life in Forks has been bad to Bella at all; in fact, it’s been very good to her…so why is she still complaining about it?  She should be happy she did something for her mother that didn’t turn out so bad for her at all, and that’s that.  Enough whining.

Ahh, good vampires.

Ahh, good vampires.

Edward points out that Bella’s unhappy and says he doesn’t think that’s fair, so Bella says life isn’t fair (it’s not, but come on, you got a free fucking truck the first day, and a bunch of friends with no effort on your part the next; I think you’re doing fucking okay), and then Edward calls her on the fact that he thinks she’s putting on a show, but is really “suffering more than you let anyone see“.  Ugggggh.  I don’t feel bad for her, Meyer, and I’m not going to, so fuck off with this shit!

Edward presses Bella on the subject to find out if he’s right about his assumption, and she snaps at him, asking why it matters to him.  He says that’s a good question, and I think for one shining moment that that’s the end of this incredibly boring conversation, but then nope, he asks if he’s annoying her, and we’re right back into more pointless bullshit again.  Goddammit.

Bella is annoyed that her face is so easy to read, but Edward says he finds her hard to read, so she says he’s a good reader, and then the teacher calls the class’s attention to himself finally, but Bella just keeps thinking about how beautiful Edward is but how he’s pulling away from her again.

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Edward leaves quickly again when the class ends, so Mike shows up to talk to Bella as per usual, complaining about how hard the lab was.  Instead of being sympathetic, Bella decides to show off by saying she didn’t have any trouble with it, but then adds that she did it before, so as not to hurt his feelings.  As if she really cares.

They briefly discuss the fact that Edward seemed more friendly today, and then they head to gym class, where Bella continues to be distracted by thoughts of Edward, and Mike continues to be super sweet in looking out for her, despite that she doesn’t give a shit about him.

When gym is done, Bella heads out to her truck, and as she’s about to go, she notices Edward standing by his car, staring at her.  Creepy.  She almost hits a car in her distraction, then pulls out and leaves, noticing Edward laughing at her as she does so.  Smoooooth.

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And that’s it for this chapter, thank god.  It really did feel like that took forever to get through.  God, I hope the rest aren’t like this…my kingdom for less boring filler…

I know I said I wasn’t going to post the individual recaps I did for Twilight, but I decided that I would post one or two of them anyway, while I wait for Mike to catch up a little, just to show you how much this book is the same thing over and over, so you’ll understand why I’m doing a full summary recap instead of individuals for this one.  …And also because I’m bored of reading the book and feel like posting something before I fall asleep.  So here’s one of them; I may post one or two more, but that’ll likely be it before the full book recap.  Enjoy!  And remember that I wrote this expecting to continue doing the individual recaps.

These chapters are looooong, and that’s going to make this a difficult task.  Needless to say, I’m not really looking forward to how long it’s going to take to get through these recaps…but I do have to admit that I enjoyed this chapter a lot more than I expected to.  I’m not sure if that’s because it was actually good, because I do know that it was quite emo, or if it’s just because I’m coming to it after The Host, and I have to think that anything would be better than that…but either way, it was bearable, so yay for that.

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Meyer is as descriptive as ever as she starts this chapter, outlining what Bella is wearing, what the weather is like, and giving a general summary of what the place Bella is going to is like (so we can feel bad for her for having to go there, even though it’s made clear multiple times that it’s her decision to go), as her mother drives her to the airport.

We know from the get-go that Bella is pretty spoiled, as she mentions that she “put her foot down” about going to this super gloomy place (Forks) every year to see her dad, so her dad began to vacation with her in California for two weeks every year instead.  The extra spoiled bit is that she’s from Phoenix, so it’s not like he was just visiting, he actually had to take her to California every year, just because she said so.  So yeah, entitled teenager who decides to move to a place she apparently detests (and feels ‘great horror‘ about ‘exiling‘ herself to)…the emo will be strong with this one.

Bella’s mom reminds her that she doesn’t have to go, which makes Bella panic a little about how her “loving, erratic, hare-brained mother” will survive without her, and I must say, that’s some ego she’s got going on there.  Especially since her mother apparently has someone named Phil with her to take care of things anyway.  But maybe her mother actually has some sort of mental difficulty, and that’s what Bella’s referring to here…if so, though, I’m not sure why Bella would leave.  Why go somewhere you don’t want to go, when there’s somewhere you do want to be that is also where you should be?  I guess we’ll find out (maybe)!

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Bella lies (and we’re informed that she’s a bad liar, but she’s been telling the lie so frequently that it sounds almost convincing…Wanda, anyone?  This makes me wonder if Meyer is actually capable of writing more than one main character) and says she wants to go, so she and her mother say their goodbyes, with her mother reminding her that she can come home whenever she wants.  Then Bella gets on the plane and we get details of her entire path of travel from Phoenix to Forks before we get to learn a bit about her dad, Charlie.

Charlie is happy that Bella is coming to live with him (though confused as to why…at least I’m not the only one), but their relationship is awkward because they don’t talk much, and that’s actually all we get to know about him for now, so “a bit” was definitely accurate.  Oh wait, when she gets to where she meets him, after she’s done being uber emo about the weather, we learn that Charlie is a police chief, and that Bella is embarrassed of being driven around in his police cruiser (actually, she refuses to be), because she is soooooo coooool, so she wants to buy a car.  Yup.

Charlie greets “Bells” and asks about her mom, then they talk about a truck he apparently bought for her from someone related to some “painful, unnecessary” memories that she blocked from her childhood, that we’re going to get to know as little about as we are the reason why she’s moving there, of course, because that’s the way Meyer attempts to build dramatic tension.  Maybe at the end we’ll find out she used to be an alien.

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Blah blah blah, the truck is ridiculously old, Bella’s worried it won’t be in good shape and she won’t be able to afford to fix it, but Charlie says it runs well and he bought it for her as a gift because he wants her to be happy there, though that’s not gonna happen because even when she’s just been told she’s getting a free truck, she’s still thinking about how being happy there is impossible.  And then there’s this:

And I never looked a free truck in the mouth — or engine.”

Annnnd that’s how we know we’re really reading a book written by Meyer.  Good to know she’s at least consistently bad.  God, what a stupid line.

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Bella thanks her dad anyway, so at least she’s outwardly polite, and then they talk about the weather for a bit before going silent.  Meyer treats us to a description of how green everything is, including the air (not sure that’s a good thing), and though it’s beautiful, Bella has to complain about it, because that’s what Meyer’s characters do…so it’s too green.  It’s alien to her.  Haha, alien.  Oh god.

They get to Charlie’s place, which is briefly described, and there, Bella gets to see her new truck for the first time.  The description of it sounds kind of horrible, but apparently she loves it, so yay, no complaining!  She thanks her dad again, and then the beauty of the moment is ruined by the fact that she immediately jumps into complaining again about her “horrific day tomorrow“, with another shot at her dad’s police cruiser.  Yay.

Bella gets all her stuff into the house, we get a description of her bedroom, she tries not to dwell on the fact that she has to share a bathroom with her dad, god forbid, and then we get some positivity from her about Charlie, as she starts in on what she appreciates about him.  Oh, wait, what she appreciates about him is that he doesn’t “hover”, allowing her to “stare dejectedly out the window at the sheeting rain and let just a few tears escape“.  Great, so this really is going to be that kind of book.  I’m so excited.

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I mean, okay, I definitely ‘get’ depression; I’ve got it myself, and have had it for longer than I’d care to think about…but still, this seems a bit excessive to me.  It’s overwhelmingly emo and angsty, and it just comes off as annoying to me.  Then again, this is written for teenage girls, so they would probably identify pretty well with feeling that way…so fine, I’ll accept it.  But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Oh great, it gets better:

I wasn’t in the mood to go on a real crying jag.  I would save that for bedtime, when I would have to think about the coming morning.”

Why the hell did you move there if it’s going to cause you to hysterically cry every night?!  Can we have some answers here, please, instead of just emo, emo and more emo without any explanation??

At least I’m only on page 3 of this recap while I’m on page 6 of the book; that’s pretty much the opposite of what happened when I was recapping The Host, so let’s hope it’s a sign of things to come.  Happy thoughts!

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Bella informs us that Forks High School has only 358 students, herself included, whereas her previous school had more than 700 just in her year, and that worries her because here, everyone knows one another because they grew up together, so she will be the odd one out.  Awww, poor muffin.  Kidding; I know it can be hard.

She thinks her chances of fitting in will be even slimmer because she’s too pale to look like she could have come from where she did, and she’s horrible at sports, which is apparently really important for some reason.  But she sounds cute and awkward, so that works for me, and will surely work for someone else in the school, considering there are still over 350 people there.  And, y’know, considering the fact that I kind of already know she meets a guy.  We’ll just gloss over what kind of guy he is for now, but hey, she was obviously made for him.  Her skin defied her very surroundings to make her attractive to some guy in a place she moved to for some unknown reason despite hating it!  That’s gotta be fate.

Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself.

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Soo yeah, when she’s done unpacking, Bella goes to the bathroom to clean herself up and decides she looks unhealthy in Forks, because apparently it’s so horrible it even has the ability to change her physical appearance within hours.  She then begins to accept that her inability to fit in  – that has not yet been proven because she has not yet attended school – is not just because of how she looks, it’s because she doesn’t relate to people very well; not even her mother.  So basically, she’s a lonely, misunderstood little spoiled girl who puts herself in situations she hates and then bitches about them because she can.  And this is our main character, folks.  Greeeeeeat.  That’s gonna be awesome.

She thinks there might be some difference between the way she views the world and the way other people do, because she is that unique and misunderstood, but decides that doesn’t matter, all that matters is how absolutely miserable tomorrow is going to be, because self-fulfilling prophecies are a thing.

It seems Meyer decided not to use section breaks in this book the way she did in The Host, but that’s okay because at least she spaced it well enough that I could tell it was a break.  And it’s a legitimate one, too; not one of those ones that just carries on with the next line of the scene before it for some reason!  Ahh, we’re really moving up in the world with this one.  Proud of you, Meyer.  Or your editor.  Yeah, probably your editor; it seems you may have actually had one for this book.

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Anyway, after the extra spacing, Bella reveals that she didn’t sleep well even after she was done crying (-_-), because of the sound of rain hitting the window.  The poor thing didn’t get to sleep until after midnight!  How will she ever make it through the day on only 6-7 hours of sleep?!?  Oh, sweet Bella, I hope you have the strength to stand!

She gets claustrophobic about the sky, then has a quiet breakfast with her dad wherein he attempts to be nice and she, once again, is super negative about everything, before he leaves and she describes the kitchen and family room.  Fascinating stuff.  She runs through a bunch of pictures Charlie has around the house of her and her mom, feeling embarrassed by the ones of her and uncomfortable about the ones of her mom, because they’re apparently proof that her dad never got over her mom when she left him.  Awww, poor guy.  Legitimately; he seems nice so I feel bad for him.

Bella puts on her biohazard suit (apparently that’s what her jacket feels like; I guess she’s never worn one before or something?) to leave, since she just can’t bear to be in the house anymore because pictures are hard.  She locks up the house with a key hidden under the eaves (I guess she can’t be trusted with her own key), finds a couple of other new ways to bitch about the rain despite coming from a place that has monsoons, and gets into her truck.

We get a description of the inside of the truck, and then Bella heads out to find her new school, which she manages to do with relative ease.  She seems disappointed that the school doesn’t feel like a prison, because nothing is ever good enough, even when it should be, but she goes ahead with the plan anyway and parks by the front office to get directions.

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There’s a description of her walk to the office and then the office itself, blah blah blah, and finally she speaks to someone, introducing herself.  As would be expected of any main character that Meyer writes, Bella is exotic and famous, so everyone already knows who she is, so the woman she speaks to immediately jumps to get her school schedule and map ready for her.  They go over the paperwork, she gets a form for all her teachers to sign, then the woman wishes her well, and off she goes again.

She drives around and parks, happy that her crappy truck fits in with all the other crappy vehicles, then memorizes her map and psyches herself up for school.  Meyer tries to be clever by using the line “no one was going to bite me” as she does so, but it’s really not clever, it’s just lame.  We know it’s a vampire book, Meyer.  Please don’t try jokes like that again.

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She leaves the truck, happy to discover that amazingly enough, other people in the world wear black, and finds the building she’s supposed to go to.  There are more happy surprises in there, in the form of other people with pale skin and an assigned seat at the back of the class where no one can stare at her, even though they do anyway because she’s sooooo interesting.

She looks at the reading list for the class, solely to remind us how much better she is than everyone else because she’s already done all this stuff before, and eventually the class ends and Bella has to contend with someone who is clearly supposed to be unattractive talking to her.  Oh noes!   He offers to help her find her next class, which is apparently “over-helpful” because yet again, she’s can’t appreciate anything, annnd we find out that his name is Eric.  Will that be important?  Probably not, because he’s not attractive, so Meyer can’t possibly keep him around for long.

They head outside (and this begs the question: Are most schools in the States set up like this, with separate buildings you have to walk to between classes?  I’ve never seen a school that didn’t have at least most of the classes all in one building…), and Bella gets paranoid that people are trying to eavesdrop on her, because again she’s just that special, then Eric and Bella discuss how different Forks is from Phoenix.  Bella is relatively dismissive with him, only giving short answers, which is a pretty stupid thing to do if you want people to like you, but hey, whatever.

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She makes a sarcastic comment about being part albino when Eric comments on the fact that she’s not tanned, but because Eric doesn’t laugh, she decides that “clouds and a sense of humor” don’t mix.  What the hell?  Is that supposed to be another joke?  If so, you really suck at jokes, Meyer.

Eric walks her to the building where her next class is being held and wishes her luck, expressing interest in interacting with her further for some reason.  She, of course, responds in a relatively rude manner and heads inside, where she has to contend with embarrassingly introducing herself to one of her classes, and then getting through some other classes.  She meets several people throughout the day, and it sounds like they’re all nice to her, but she still doesn’t seem all that pleased to have had their help and kindness, considering she can’t even remember the name of one who sat next to her in two classes and had lunch with her.  Yep, I’m definitely going to love this character.

So yeah, Bella sits with said nameless girl and her friends at lunch (and don’t worry, she makes sure to forget the names of all the girl’s friends as well; that’s just how much she cares about anyone but herself), and it’s there that she catches sight of five people sitting at a table far away, who aren’t eating, talking or paying any attention to her.  Obviously she’s immediately drawn to them, because she’s ungrateful and antisocial, so the only people appealing to her are those who don’t appear to care about her existence.

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Blah blah blah, descriptions of the three guys and two girls, who are all very unique (except not really at all) and beautiful, and of course pale, because being pale is super important to Bella.  She says they don’t look alike, yet they’re all exactly alike, and that she can’t look away from them because they’re so “devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful“, even though they also look like they haven’t slept in a while because of the dark shadows under their eyes.  Hmm, I wonder who these people are.  Couldn’t be important characters, could they?  Of course they are; they’re gorgeous.  I know, I know, I already mentioned that, but it annoys me that Meyer has done this in both the books I’ve read so far that she’s written.  Normal and even unattractive people can be just as interesting as – if not more interesting than – beautiful people, Meyer!

Butttt yeah, these people are so gorgeous they look like they’ve been painted as angels, but they’re very wasteful, as Bella watches one of the girls throw out her tray of food even though she didn’t touch any of it.  If they don’t eat, they should really just not pick out any food.  Not cool, Meyer.  I don’t appreciate you wasting food, even if it is only in my imagination.

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Bella asks the girl she doesn’t care about at all who the group she’s ogling is, because she’s super considerate, and at that moment, one of the guys in the angelically gorgeous group looks to the girl Bella’s talking to, then Bella herself.  He looks away quickly, apparently not interested in the girls, just having heard his name because I assume he has super awesome hearing, so Bella looks away as well, causing the girl to giggle at her.  She tells Bella the names of the people in the group, which are Edward and Emmett Cullen and Rosalie and Jasper Hale, though I’m pretty sure the only name that’s going to matter much there is Edward.  She adds that the one who left was Alice Cullen, then explains that the entire group lives together with Dr. Cullen and his wife, whoever they are.  I’m only adding all this because I assume it’s supposed to be important.

Bella looks at what I’m guessing is Edward again, watching his movements carefully as she silently criticizes the names of the people in the group, which of course she will remember because they’re clearly more important than the names of the people who are actually interacting with her.  Oh wait, criticizing the names of the others helped her to remember the name of the girl talking to her!  It’s Jessica!  Yayyyy!  I still hate this.

Bella comments on how “nice looking” the group is, and Jessica agrees, but says they’re all “together”…except for Edward, of course.  Couldn’t be more obvious if you tried, Meyer.  Bella asks which are the Cullens, because she doesn’t think they look related, so Jessica explains that the Hales legitimately are related, but the Cullens aren’t, they’re adopted, and then gets a bit further into the whole adoption/fostering situation, and I just really don’t care, so I’m going to leave it at that.

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Jessica is apparently jealous of the group – or so Bella assumes, anyway – but that doesn’t stop Bella from asking where they’re from (Alaska, it seems; feels like an odd choice, but sure).  She is glad to hear that they’ve only been in town two years, because that means she’s not the only newcomer, which is kinda stupid because two years is a slightly long time….but she’s also sad for them for being outsiders that clearly aren’t accepted.   Odd thing for her to care about with the way she’s reacted to people trying to accept her so far today.

The one that I guessed was Edward looks at Bella again, this time continuing to stare at her after their eyes meet, even though Bella looks away instantly.  Bella asks which one he is, so Jessica confirms that he is, in fact, Edward, and then goes on about how gorgeous he is, but warns Bella that attempting to date him is pointless because he doesn’t date, because none of the girls in school are attractive enough for him.

Bella figures that Jessica is probably just sour because Edward turned her down at some point, which is amusing to her, and then eventually the group leaves without Edward looking Bella’s way again at any point.  Bella eventually leaves as well, heading to class with a girl named Angela who has the same class as she does but is too shy to talk to her, and it turns out that “shy” is exactly what Bella thinks she is, though her complete lack of interest in anyone else makes me question if that’s an accurate term.

When they get to class, Angela heads to her seat and Bella notices that there’s only one empty spot left in the classroom, which is right next to Edward.  Oooooh, scandalous!  Or something.  Bella passes by him to go meet her teacher, but when their eyes meet, Edward suddenly looks furious and hostile, which freaks Bella out.  She has to sit by him anyway, though, so sit by him she does, making sure not to make eye contact with him again.

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Edward leans away from Bella when she sits down, causing her to worry that she might smell bad, but no, of course she smells wonderful; just like strawberries.  She’s sooo perfect.  The class goes on with Bella keeping her head down and taking notes, though she does sneak glances at Edward from time to time, despite that his rigid, angry posture never changes.  She wonders what is wrong with Edward, and questions whether she was wrong about Jessica’s sourness toward him at lunch (thankfully), but knows his attitude can’t have anything to do with her, because he doesn’t know her.

She looks at him one more time before class ends and is met with a glare of revulsion, so she flinches away, but then the bell rings and Edward takes off immediately.  Bella stares after him when he leaves, feeling herself grow more and more angry about the situation and trying to hold back tears, until a guy named Mike introduces himself to her and offers her help finding her next class.

She turns down the help, but it ends up that they’re going to the same class anyway, so they walk to class together, Mike telling her all about himself along the way.  For a minute it seems that Mike is finally someone that Bella actually likes to talk to, but then he has to go ahead and ruin that by asking her what she did to Edward, adding that he’s never seen Edward act before the way he did while in class with Bella.

Bella plays dumb, pretending she didn’t notice Edward’s behaviour because she didn’t talk to him, so Mike takes that opportunity to tell her that if he’d been “lucky enough” to sit by her, he’d have talked to her.  Ooooh, Bella has an admirer. 😉  But his admiration isn’t enough to overcome her feelings of irritation at Edward’s behaviour, so she just smiles at Mike and heads into the locker room (they’re in gym class).

She gets a uniform from the teacher but doesn’t have to participate in class for some reason, so she just watches everyone play volleyball while internally bitching about having to take gym for two more years than she would have had to in Phoenix.  I get why that would suck, but again, why the hell did she move there if it’s “literally her personal hell on earth“?

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The day finally ends and Bella takes her paperwork to the office, where, of course, she finds Edward arguing with the receptionist.  She realizes he’s trying to transfer out of the Biology class he has with her, and is shocked, but thinks his desire to leave must be related to something else that happened that she wasn’t present for, because she can’t believe it could be about her.  Valid way of thinking; if it wasn’t already obvious why he’s acting this way, I’d think the same way Bella does.

Someone else walks in the office, and their disruption causes Edward to notice that Bella is there, so he turns and glares at her again with hate in his eyes, which scares Bella, aside from the fact that he’s “absurdly handsome“.  This is going to be another abusive relationship, like in The Host, isn’t it?

Edward gives up on his mission, thanks the receptionist for her help, and then leaves, so Bella takes her signed form up to the desk.  The receptionist asks her how her day went, so she lies and says it was fine, then takes off to her truck.  She sits in the truck for a while, seemingly trying to compose herself, then starts the truck and heads back to Charlie’s house, trying not to cry all the way.

And there we have the first chapter.  It’s so nice to have a 25 page chapter and only an 8 page recap; that definitely speaks to the difference in quality between this book and The Host…or at least the lack of attempted (and severely failed) science.  Here’s hoping things don’t get too much worse as the book goes on.

Unfortunately, the optimism was misplaced.

Unfortunately, the optimism was misplaced.

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