Tag Archive: Twilight Saga


Why can’t this book get any better?  Why am I hating these characters and their interactions more and more with every page?  Why is none of this believable?  Why did this book get such rave reviews, and why did I think it was going to be better than The Host?  Why did I ever decide to read this crap?

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Okay, so we start with Bella’s dream about Edward, which is nothing more than her chasing him as he walks away from her in darkness.  Exciting.  After that first dream, she has similar dreams about him almost every night, and then Meyer changes the subject back to how hard Bella’s life is again.  Yay.

The month after the accident is generally crap because people are paying attention to her and she hates people caring OR not caring about her, and because Tyler is always trying to make amends with her, which is just soooooo annoying.  Tyler following her around makes Mike and Eric jealous, so clearly her circle of swoony guys is growing, so we’ll undoubtedly get to hear even more whining about all the unwanted attention she gets as the book goes on.

Bella tries to turn all the attention onto Edward, which seems like a terrible idea given his disposition, but luckily no one pays much attention to her attempts because they didn’t see Edward until the van had been pulled away, and somehow that meant his contribution wasn’t important.  She wonders why no one else noticed where Edward had actually been standing before the accident happened, then realizes that no one else is as obsessed with him as she is, which is super pathetic…and yes, dear, it is.

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Bella is jealous of Edward for the fact that everyone continues to avoid him, as they did before, instead of falling over themselves to talk to him as they are with her…and she’s also displeased that he no longer looks at her or acknowledges her presence when they’re in class together; instead sitting as far away from her as possible.  She decides that his disposition toward her must mean that he wishes he hadn’t saved her life, because “no other conclusion” makes more sense than that.  Yeah, that’s not super emo or anything.

We go back in time slightly to the day after the accident, when Bella finally realized that she probably shouldn’t be pissed at Edward for not telling her all his secrets when he JUST SAVED HER LIFE, and we see how when she tried to talk to him in class, he gave her no response beyond a nod.  That seems a pretty reasonable reaction, to be fair; she didn’t try to apologize for being an ungrateful little bitch, she just tried to say hi, so why should he feel like engaging in conversation with her?

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Back in the ‘present’, Bella watches Edward creepily from a distance, but when they’re in class she pretends to ignore his presence the way he does to her, because that’s obviously the mature thing to do when you’ve wronged someone and should be apologizing.  She keeps dreaming of him and being miserable, and her depression over Edward is so apparent that her mother can tell something’s wrong through email, so she calls a bunch (which, of course, Bella doesn’t like).

Once again, though, why does Bella refer to her mother as “Renee”?  These people are her parents; there’s no reason why she should be referring to them by their first names when she’s thinking about them.  Her relationship with her mother is definitely supposed to be good, so this just feels awkward.

Then we’re back to Mike, and how happy he is that Bella and Edward no longer seem to communicate, because it means his imaginary chances with her were not spoiled by Edward saving her life.  He grows more confident and bold, ignoring Edward, and then we get into a bunch of pointless blather about how disappointed he is about not getting to have his snowball fight, but how happy he is that they’ll get to go to the beach soon.  Who the fuck cares?

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As if this chapter wasn’t inane enough, the next couple of pages are nothing but talk about some stupid girls’ choice dance, and how Jessica wants to invite Mike, which Bella is fine with since she’s not going.  She thinks because Jess doesn’t try very hard to convince her to go, it means she likes her more for her popularity than her company, which is fucking stupid because Jess was one of the first people to pay attention to her anyway, before she became popular, and because it`s incredibly fucking obvious that Jess isn`t going to push her on going because she wants Mike to say yes to her, so she sure as hell doesn`t want Bella there when she knows Mike will want to be with Bella instead.  Why Bella needs to turn everything into a “woe is me, no one really likes me for me” whine fest, I don’t know, but here we are yet a-fucking-gain.

The next day, Jessica is quiet and avoids Mike, who is also quiet, so we all know what happened, but Meyer feels the need to draw it out anyway.  Mike and Bella get into the expectedly awkward conversation about Jess asking him, and how he wants to go with Bella instead, which she should have fucking expected since she knew he had feelings for her, so why she feels the need to make him SAY he wants to go with her, I don’t know…but of course she does, then feels guilty about it and tells him he should go with Jess.

He asks if she already asked someone and she tells him no, then lies about having to go to Seattle that day and presses him on saying yes to Jess.  He decides she’s right and leaves, and then class starts, with Edward for some reason staring at Bella now with a frustrated look on his face.  Man, I am so bored.

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Bella stares back at Edward until the teacher calls on him to answer a question and he looks away (apparently reluctantly, though of course that’s what Bella would want to believe), at which point Bella looks down and hides her face so he can’t see how emotional his staring at her has made her. She actually realizes that the amount of influence Edward has over her is unhealthy, yet I highly doubt that’s going to make anything about their relationship healthier in the future, or that Meyer will ever acknowledge again that it’s really not healthy, so I’m not going to get my hopes up here.

Bella tries to ignore Edward for the rest of class, but then at the end, when she’s getting ready to go, Edward tries to get her attention.  She has to fight her swooniness over his voice and “too-perfect face” when she looks at him, but when she finally responds, she does so in a bitchy way again, snapping at him as she asks if he’s speaking to her again.  God, Bella, you’re such an idiot; you owe him an apology, yet he’s seeking you out, and you’re totally in love with him and want him to talk to you, but when he does you act like a petulant child again?  Wtf?

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Edward is amused by her childishness, which annoys her all the more, so she asks him what he wants and he apologizes to her for not talking to her, saying it’s for the best if they’re not friends, but that he’s aware that he’s being rude.  Yep, he is definitely way more of an adult than she will ever be.

The bitchiness escalates as Bella tells him it’s too bad he didn’t figure out that they shouldn’t be friends earlier so he could have saved himself the ‘regret’ of having saved her, which is just ungrateful and emo and fucking annoying all over again, and shocks Edward to even hear.  She tells him she knows he regrets it, which understandably angers him because she’s presuming to know his feelings and STILL BEING UNGRATEFUL (she still has yet to truly thank him or apologize), so he tells her she doesn’t know anything, which causes her to turn away and storm off.  Oh, fuck you, Bella.

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Luckily she trips on the doorjamb and drops everything as she goes to leave the room, so there is some justice in the world, but instead of laughing at her like she might deserve, Edward simply goes and stacks all the books she dropped and hands them to her.  Is she finally grateful?  No, she thanks him icily and storms off again without looking back.  Wow.  Just fucking wow.  Why is anyone interested in her again?  Edward really should regret saving her by this point.

Next we’re off to gym, where Bella apparently can’t stand up straight because they’re playing basketball, even though she’s never given the ball, and I’m left wondering whether Meyer really wanted us to like Bella or not.  She’s such a pathetic, annoying character that I’m starting to think she didn’t, but I can’t understand why she would write a character we weren’t mean to connect with or at least feel sympathy for.  I have yet to find a reason why I would ever want to read even the rest of this book, nonetheless the rest of the series, if I didn’t have to…

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Anyway, yeah, Bella sucks at gym and blames it on thinking about Edward even though she sucked at gym before she met Edward, and thinking of things other than her balance should not cause her to lose her balance…and then she rushes out to her truck, which we get a brief damage assessment on before she finds Eric leaning against it. Unsurprisingly (for me, anyway; apparently Bella is surprised), Eric is there to see if she wants to go to the dance with him, so she turns him down, using the same excuse as she used on Mike.

Eric leaves, and Bella hears Edward laugh as he passes in front of her truck, which ignites her anger again, so she jumps into her truck and pulls out in just enough time to be cut off by his car.  He blocks off the path out of the school as he waits for his family, annoying Bella even further as traffic piles up behind her, and then Tyler, who was in the car behind her, comes up to her truck and knocks on the window.  Who wants to guess what he wants?!

Bella thinks he’s annoyed that she’s blocking traffic, so she immediately tells him it’s Edward’s fault, but he shrugs that off, saying he’d wanted to ask her something…which is, of course, if she’ll ask him to the dance.  Fuuuuuuck, I am sick of this shit.  Just fucking end, okay book?  We do not need to sit here watching Bella have the same fucking conversation three times!

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Once again, she tells him she won’t be in town, which apparently he already knew from Mike but had hoped was just a way to let Mike down easy…as though it would have gone over so well if she’d lied to Mike and then gone with someone else.  Smart, Tyler. She reiterates that she’s going out of town, which Tyler is fine with because there will still be prom to go to, and then off he goes.

Bella can see that Edward is laughing hysterically in front of her, watching her through the rear view mirror, and she considers rear ending his car, but he takes off before she can.  She drives home and starts to make chicken enchiladas for supper, which sounds incredibly fucking delicious and I want it, and as she does so, Jess calls her to tell her that Mike agreed to go to the dance with her.  Bella ‘celebrates’ with her, then discovers that she is going to call her other girlfriends to tell them too, so Bella suggests that those friends ask Eric and Tyler to the dance.  Jess agrees that they should, then reiterates that she wishes Bella would go to the dance (so maybe she can stop whining about Jess not really liking her), but Bella gives her the same excuse as she gave the guys.  Lies for everyone!

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After she gets off the phone, she tries to concentrate on what she’s doing, but she is (once again) too distracted by thoughts of Edward.  As she analyzes his every word, she realizes that he must see how she feels about him and not want to lead her on, which is why he says they can’t be friends; because he’s not interested in her.  This leads, of course, to her thinking about how wonderful and perfect he is, and how that means that of course he wouldn’t be interested in her because she’s not interesting, because Meyer is winning at portraying self-esteem in girls once again…and then she’s angry about it and decides to leave him alone completely.

She turns her mind to the sunny places she intends to go for college as she finishes making the food, and then Charlie comes home and is suspicious about the green peppers, but because he’s a big, brave cop, he tries the food anyway.  What the…oh, fuck it.

Bella tells Charlie that she’s going to go to Seattle for the day to make her lie become the truth…no, wait, she starts to tell him that she is, then asks if it’s okay because she feels rude just telling him, even though she doesn’t want to ask permission because doing so “sets a bad precedent“.  I just…seriously, this character.  There are no words.

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Charlie asks why she’s going, so she tells him it’s because the library in Forks sucks, and because she wants to get some new clothes.  He mentions that the truck doesn’t get good gas mileage, so she says she’ll make a few stops along the way (cause that makes it better), and he asks if she’s going by herself.  When she tells him she is, he worries about her getting lost because Seattle is so big, but she argues that Phoenix is bigger, and that she can read a map.  He asks if she wants him to go with her, which she is horrified by for no good reason that I can see, so she tells him she’ll be in dressing rooms all day to put him off, because of course he’s a man and Meyer is super stereotypical.  Needless to say, it works, and Charlie gives up.

And then, god help me, this chapter keeps fucking going, with Charlie asking her if she’s going to the dance and her telling him she doesn’t dance, and then it’s the next morning, and Bella is trying to park as far away from Edward as possible so she can resist the temptation to smash into his car.  When she gets out of her truck, though, she drops her keys into a puddle, and then Edward is suddenly there, handing them to her.  She asks him how he appears out of thin air the way he does, and he responds with my favourite line of the book so far:

“‘Bella, it’s not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant.‘”

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I’m not even sure why I like that line so much, but I do; it made me laugh.  Bella, of course, is not pleased by this remark and scowls at him, then asks him why he blocked traffic the day before.  If she’d just left it at that, the question might have been fine, but being the child that she is, she needs to add in a snipey comment about how he was supposed to be pretending she didn’t exist, not irritating her to death.  Grow the fuck up.

Edward tells her he did it to give Tyler a chance to ask her to the dance, which pisses Bella off even more, and that subsequently amuses Edward even more, but then Bella takes it a bit too far when she accuses him yet again of trying to irritate her to death “since Tyler’s van didn’t do the job“.  He calls her ‘utterly absurd’, which is kind of stupid because no high school guy would actually say that, but either way, Bella turns and walks away, holding back the urge to hit him.

As she leaves, Edward calls after her, but she just keeps going.  He apologizes for being rude (again, when the fuck is she going to apologize for anything?!), even if he knows what he said was true, and she asks why he won’t leave her alone.  He says he wanted to ask her something but she sidetracked him, and he seems to be back to normal again, so she asks him if he has multiple personality disorder, then asks what he wants to ask.

Because nothing makes any fucking sense in this book, Edward asks her (after a brief interval in which he makes it look like he’s going to ask her to the dance, and she gets pissed) if she wants a ride to Seattle the day she’s decided to go.  Why the hell would he offer that, when he just told her it was for the best if they weren’t friends, and she’s been such a gigantic fucking bitch to him?!

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Skipping the stupid drawn out back and forth Meyer feels compelled to add ALL THE FUCKING TIME, Bella asks him why he’s offering, and he says it’s because he was planning to go anyway, and he doesn’t think her truck can make it.  She turns him down because she’s a fucking moron, but he persists, which eventually leads to her pointing out that he didn’t want to be her friend, and him correcting her, saying he said it would be better if they weren’t friends, not that he didn’t want to be.  *sigh* Fucking Christ, I am so done.

He says it would be more prudent for her to not be his friend, but he’s tired of trying to stay away from her, and she gets all hot and bothered over that and can’t say anything.  Why the hell is he so drawn to her?  GIVE ME A FUCKING REASON, MEYER!  Stop telling me everyone wants to be with her without giving me a single goddamn reason why ANYONE would want to be with her, nonetheless HIM!  This is so fucking stupid!

He asks again if she’ll go to Seattle with him and she just nods, so he smiles, tells her that she should stay away from him but he’ll see her in class anyway, and leaves.  And that’s the end of the chapter.  I’m fucking pissed; this is such bullshit.  If he really thinks she should stay away, he should stay the fuck away from her, and at some point SOMEONE in this book needs to call her on her fucking attitude.  And I mean really call her on it, not just point out that she’s being a bitch and then trip over themselves to apologize for pointing it out because despite that she IS an annoying, whiny bitch, they can’t help but want to fuck her.  Agggggh.  Done.  I’m just done.

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And I think that should be enough posts to illustrate what this book is like; whiny, annoying, repetitive, and full of characters that make absolutely no fucking sense.  Can you see how every recap would just be reiterating the rage of the last one?  So, on to the full review!  Yay.

I can’t even count the amount of times I rolled my eyes while reading this chapter.  This book is so negative and whiny it’s physically painful; it actually has already, by the third chapter, managed to top The Host in that regard.  And here I thought this one might be better…*sigh*

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Because this chapter could clearly start no other way, the first page is all about Bella waking up, finding snow on the ground, and acting like it’s the end of the world.  Yaaaay.  Charlie is gone when she gets downstairs, so she has breakfast and thinks about how bad it is that she’s excited to go to school, because nothing can be positive for more than five minutes in her life.  Though the reason it’s bad is because she’s excited to see Edward, so I guess I can see her point…actually, no, it would still be nice if everything didn’t need to turn negative all the time.  But I have to stop hoping for that, or I’m going to end up very depressed by the end of this book.

She obsesses about Edward for a while, repeating things we already knew if we read the last two chapters, and then leaves the house for her treacherous walk to the truck.  It’s ice, Meyer; it’s not going to kill her if she falls, so enough with the drama.

Clearly, today was going to be nightmarish.”

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Ugh. That really encourages me to read on.

On her drive to school, Bella thinks about how popular she’s become with the boys and how that never happened back in Phoenix, but instead of being flattered, she finds it ‘disconcerting’.  Seriously, this girl is NEVER happy about ANYTHING.  She thinks she might prefer being ignored to having their attention in a romantic capacity, which is ridiculous given how much she complained about expecting to be ignored and have no friends, and I just don’t know if I’m going to be able to stand multiple books of this crap. How does anyone like Meyer’s characters?  How are they the least bit likeable, when this is how they act?  I will never understand all the love here!

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Bella arrives at school and realizes that the reason she had a pretty easy drive there despite the icy roads was because Charlie put chains on her tires to give her more traction, and thankfully, she’s very grateful for and emotional over that realization.  As long as Charlie gets the appreciation he deserves, I’m happy.

But of course nothing good can ever actually be good in the land of Meyer, so while she stands by her truck appreciating what Charlie has done for her, a van loses control in the parking lot and careens toward her.  Bella sees Edward across the parking lot looking horrified, just before she sees the van…and then all of a sudden she gets hit by something, which knocks her to the pavement right before the van hits her truck.

For added drama, Meyer has the truck curl around and come toward her again, but again it doesn’t hit her, this time because a mystery man’s hands shoot out and grab the van and then push Bella out of the way so that the van can land in the spot where her legs had been.  I’m not going to get into the descriptions of all that, because I don’t honestly want to have to think about it all the way I had to with The Host, but let’s just assume it doesn’t make any sense because none of the ‘action scenes’ Meyer writes ever do.

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Everyone starts yelling Bella’s name, but all she can hear is Edward asking her if she’s alright.  She realizes she’s cuddled up against him and that she’s hurt her head, but instead of addressing any of that, she decides instead to ask Edward how he got across the parking lot so fast.  He tells her he was standing right next to her, so she sits up and looks at him, and then forgets what she was asking him because he’s so pretty or something.

A bunch of panicked people show up to deal with Bella and the guy in the van that crashed (Tyler), so Edward tells Bella to stay down where she is.  She suddenly remembers the question she’d tried to ask him, so she and Edward have a little argument over whether he was standing next to her or across the parking lot before the accident happened, because, in Bella’s words, “I was right, and he was going to admit it.”  Yep, this is a great character.  That’s definitely a good attitude to model for young girls; very useful in romantic relationships.  Ugggggh.

Edward tries to intimidate Bella into agreeing with him, but she’s too stubborn, so he ends up pleading with her.  She finally agrees, but only if he promises to explain everything later, which annoys him, but he says he will.  And for some reason, she responds angrily to his agreeing to do what she asked.  Yup.

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Paramedics show up and Bella gets put on a stretcher, which is just omgsoembarrassing for her, but it’s even worse when her dad shows up, worried about her.  God, how annoying; your parent showing up after you were in an accident that could have killed you, and expressing concern for your well-being.  Why wouldn’t you sigh and whine about that?

As her dad talks with the paramedic about her condition, she replays what happened in her head, remembering how there had been a dent on the bumper of the car next to her from Edward’s shoulders when he saved her the second time.  She notices Edward’s family standing by, looking angry and disapproving of Edward but not concerned for him (how she can tell this, I don’t know, but whatever), and is very confused about how any of what happened could make sense.

When they get to the hospital, Bella is jealous that Edward gets to walk in of his own accord because she’s soooo humiliated that she has to be taken care of, so as soon as she gets a minute away from the nurse attending her, she pulls off the “stupid-looking” neck brace they gave her and throws it under the bed.  Seriously, how old is this girl?  She’s so fucking childish!

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Tyler gets wheeled into the room with her then, and immediately begins apologizing to her.  They briefly discuss what happened, with Bella using the lie Edward told her to tell about being next to her, despite that she’s a terrible liar – again, just like Wanda.  Like I said, there’s one main character that goes by different names when Meyer’s writing; there simply cannot be any variety in their personalities.

Tyler is surprised by her story because he hadn’t noticed Edward near her when the accident happened, but he somehow skims over that fact and accepts her obvious lie anyway.  Knowing Tyler didn’t see Edward either confirms for Bella that she was right about what happened, and then she’s off to get x-rayed, where she is informed that she doesn’t even have a concussion, so she’s all good.  Yay, right?  Nope, not with Bella; just more complaining because she has to get a doctor’s permission before she can leave, so she has to ‘endure’ Tyler apologizing to her some more.  Suck it up, Bella; appreciate your good fortune here, and the fact that he cares so much.

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But this, of course, is her attitude.

Edward shows up and opens himself up to Bella’s complaining again by asking her how she’s doing.  When she tells him she’s fine but they won’t let her go, he tells her that’s what he’s there for, and at that moment – because his timing is impeccable – the doctor walks in, and he is sooo gorrrrrgeoussss, so we know he’s Dr. Cullen.  As if it would have been anyone else.

Dr. Cullen asks Bella how she’s doing, and they discuss how fine she is before he gives her head a quick checkup and then tells her she can go home.  She wants to go back to school for some reason, though, and is upset when it seems like Edward will be but she won’t, but is then mortified to find out that “most of the school seems to be in the waiting room“.  Uh, what?  Why would that ever be the case?  That’s not how things work in real life, Meyer…besides which, why would she be all upset that the school is there, yet also upset because she wants to go back to school?  Ugggh, these characters.

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Dr. Cullen asks her if she wants to stay in the hospital, so she quickly tells him she doesn’t and jumps out of the bed, almost falling over in the process.  Idiot.  Blah blah blah, she was lucky, she makes things awkward by mentioning Edward being next to her in the accident in front of his father, who she knows will know better, and then Dr. Cullen is busy with Tyler, so Bella decides to take the opportunity to talk to Edward.

Edward tries to avoid talking to her, for obvious reasons, but she’s still too stubborn to back down, so they go into a hallway together, where she demands the explanation she feels he owes her.  He is obviously very annoyed by this, since he saved her life and all, but he reacts kind of stupidly to the things she says, so in a way it’s not really that surprising that she’s mad at him at this point.  Still, she’s not coming off as a very attractive character; way too pushy, stubborn, self-absorbed and whiney.  How is she a love interest?

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Edward asks her what she thinks happened, so she runs over what she knows about the situation, getting upset by the end as she realizes how crazy the things she’s saying sound.  Edward tells her no one will believe her that he lifted a van off of her, but she says she’s not planning on telling anyone, which surprises him.  She tells him she just doesn’t like to lie, so she wants to know why she’s doing it if she’s going to have to, and Edward realizes she’s not going to back down, but decides he won’t either.

She gets distracted by how fucking pretty he is again, which I am entirely sick of, and then asks him why he even bothered saving her, because that’s showing gratefulness.  Edward says he doesn’t know, then turns and leaves. I don’t know either, dude.  You could have spared us both a lot of pain if you hadn’t.

When Bella gets out to the waiting room, eeeeeeveryone is there, because somehow this is a big enough deal that the entire TOWN needs to come out for it.  Among them is, of course, Charlie (don’t know why he wouldn’t have been allowed to see her in the hospital room, especially if she was fine, but whatever), and Bella is, as usual, short and rude with him because she’s embarrassed that he cares about her.  Haaaaate.

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Charlie leads her out to his cruiser and they drive home in silence, because Bella is still too busy thinking about Edward.  When they get home, he tells her she’ll have to call her mom, and she gets allllll pissed off because how dare he tell her mother that she was in a potentially fatal accident?!

She does call her mom, though, who is hysterical and tries to get her to come home even though she is supposedly not at home, and Bella is surprised that she’s able to resist her mother’s pleas.  Why is she able to?  Because she’s obsessed with Edward.  Great.  At least she knows it’s stupid, but still, great.

She goes to bed early because Charlie caring about her is soooo annoyyyyyingg, and when she falls asleep, she dreams about Edward, and that’s the last line of the chapter so clearly the dream is supposed to be significant.  Excitement.

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You know, there’s really not much to say about these chapters.  With The Host, there was usually a bit I could add to the beginning and end of the recaps, but with these it’s just all whining all the time, so there’s nothing I can really add to that.  So…that’s that, then!

This chapter was a lot longer than I feel like it needed to be.  There was a lot of unnecessary filler, which is not at all surprising given my experience with Meyer, but it just dragged on so much, and then ended without having had a whole lot of substance at any point.  The first half is basically just Bella doing normal, everyday things, and then the second half is just plain weird, so I’m left with a bad taste in my mouth about this one.  It wasn’t horrible, but I certainly didn’t enjoy it as much as the first one, and that’s dampening my hopes for this being much better than The Host, in the end.

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So that we don’t get our hopes up about this chapter not being emo, the first line is “The next day was better…and worse“.  Yay.  It’s better because she gets to make a perfectly nice guy who has done nothing to her jealous, and that is satisfying for her, and because she gets to eat lunch with a whole bunch of people instead of alone.  Everything’s coming up Bella!

…Except that she’s tired, poor baby, and being tired leads her to make a fool of herself in a couple of classes, so that’s why the day is worse.  Well, part of why; the other part is that Edward isn’t in school.  You know, the guy that freaked her out entirely yesterday, and that she actually says in this chapter that she was dreading having to see; she’s supposedly upset that he’s not around.  Why, exactly?  I mean, she seems relieved he’s not there, and rightfully so, so why would him not being there make the day worse?  Is Meyer confused?  Cause I certainly am.

Blah blah blah, Bella’s a coward, unimportant things happen as she worries that Edward will show up, she feels better as Mike walks her to class and Edward isn’t showing up, she and Mike talk a little when they get to class and it becomes clear that he’s got a crush on her, so she’s going to have to let him down easy, and then Edward still isn’t there and Bella is relieved about that…except that she’s not.

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Wait, what?  She’s relieved he may not be there up until the point that she confirms that he’s not there, at which point she feels bad because she feels she’s the reason he’s not there?  Why would she care about that, when he scared her?  Why would that be bad enough for her to consider it something that made the day “worse”?  She only focuses on how egotistical it is to think that she could be the reason for him not being there, but she’s really got to look at why she’d feel guilty about that at all.  I don’t like the way Meyer writes these characters; this is not how young women should feel.  If someone makes you feel scared and uncomfortable when they’re around you, you should feel no guilt for getting them away from you, whether it happens intentionally or not, and for feeling good when they’re not there.  It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes, especially when you might be in danger otherwise.

The school day ends and Bella manages to avoid Mike, so she heads to her truck and gets her grocery money and shopping list ready, since apparently Charlie is incapable of cooking anything, so she’s going to take over.  How has he survived so long on his own if he can’t cook more than fried eggs and bacon?  How did he ever provide for her when she visited when she was younger?  And why does she continue to refer to him as ‘Charlie’ when they don’t seem to have had a bad relationship prior to this?  I thought most people called their father ‘dad’ (or something similar) unless their relationship was poor…

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Anyway, she heads to the grocery store, but Meyer takes an entire page to get her there.  Said page is filled with nothing but Bella watching the other people from Edward’s group get into their car, going on about their expensive clothes and how jealous she is that they have both looks and money, and then deciding that the reason their group is isolated from everyone else must be because they want to be, not because other people don’t want them around.  Her reason for believing that?  “I couldn’t imagine any door that wouldn’t be opened by that degree of beauty.”  Seriously?!  Why does Meyer prize beauty above ALL else?  It’s a very unhealthy point of view to have!  Especially when you’re impressing it on young readers, most of whom are female!

Blah blah blah about doing the shopping; no one cares…and then she’s home, where she prepares a lovely dinner, changes, and then reads a bunch of emails from her mom.  Really, this is just riveting.  I’m so glad I’m reading this book.

In the emails, her mom exhibits her ‘scatterbrained’ tendencies and then panics when Bella doesn’t respond, and threatens to call her father if she doesn’t hear from her.  Bella writes her back telling her that everything’s great, that her dad bought her a truck and that she misses her, and that’s that.  See what I said about the first half of this chapter being mundane?

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To up the excitement, Bella starts reading, and then when her father gets home, she heads back down to continue making dinner.  We are treated to a random rant about her father having never shot his gun, which I think was just so Meyer could make the point that Bella is not suicidal enough to shoot herself, as though that’s necessary, and then Bella is sad that her dad remembers her mother’s experimental cooking, but it’s all good because Bella’s only made steak and potatoes this time.

The pair eat dinner and Bella tells her dad about the people she’s met at school, which leads to a brief description by Charlie about Mike and his family, followed by a much more involved one about the Cullen family.  Charlie is very defensive of them, because he’s got a lot of respect and appreciation for Dr. Cullen, and because none of the kids have ever caused any trouble.  He’s very upset that people talk negatively about the family, and his reaction surprises Bella, so she clarifies that she thought they all seemed nice, they just keep to themselves a lot.

For some reason, Bella also finds it pertinent to mention that they’re all very attractive, which makes Charlie laugh.  He tells her that Dr. Cullen is even more attractive – distractingly so – and then they both go silent until they’re done dinner.  Not sure why; that doesn’t seem like an awkward thing to say given her comment…but hey, whatever floats your boat.

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Bella washes the dishes while Charlie watches TV, which seems weird to me given she did all the cooking, but why am I surprised, when this is coming from Meyer?  After she’s done, she does some homework and then goes to bed, where she can finally sleep.  Huzzah!  One less thing to complain about!

The rest of the week goes by without much happening, though Edward still doesn’t return to school, which Bella finally allows herself to be relieved about, and while Meyer does try to explain what happened without describing every moment of each day (which is appreciated), she still goes on a bit long, given how unimportant the things she does bother to talk about seem to be.

The weekend passes with Charlie working and Bella cleaning the house, doing homework, writing emails to her mom and going to the library, which disappoints her just like everything else in Forks does, and then it’s Monday, and more unimportant stuff is happening.  I’m pretty sure this book has more filler than The Host at this point, and that is horrendously depressing.  Only 13 and a half pages left in this chapter…dear god, these recaps are seriously going to take forever, for very little content.  Ugggggh.

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On Monday, Bella is happily greeted by a bunch of people, and that, combined with an easy pop quiz, makes her feel more comfortable about living in Forks, which obviously surprises her.  After her first class, she and Mike walk outside to discover that it’s snowing, which everyone is excited about except for Bella, who thinks the snow has ruined her day.  Really?  It’s snow; what’s it going to do to you?  You spent all this time complaining about the rain, and snow will be quieter at night, so…what’s the problem?

But no, she has to complain about the snow because it’s “too cold for rain“, which for some reason she now would prefer, I guess, and because she doesn’t think it looks right, since it’s not coming down in big flakes like she’s seen on TV (since she’s from somewhere where it doesn’t snow, so she’s never seen snow in real life before).  Considering how new this is, shouldn’t she at least be a little bit interested/excited to see it, regardless of whether it’s exactly how she imagined it?  I hate that Meyer’s characters never seem to appreciate anything.

Someone (which Bella suspects to be Eric) throws a snowball at Mike, so Mike prepares to retaliate, while Bella takes off because she doesn’t like “people throwing wet stuff“, and then proceeds to complain about the snow even more.  At lunch she has to pass through a giant snowball fight, which is kind of surprising to me because I don’t really remember kids doing that when I was in high school…but anyway, Bella doesn’t get hit with any, so it’s all good.

Yay.

Yay.

When they get inside the cafeteria, Bella notices that Edward has returned to school, and has a bit of a panic attack.  Her friends are concerned for her because they don’t know what’s wrong, but she just tells them she feels sick, and then considers whether she should skip class and go to the nurse’s office instead.  She decides against it when she sees that Edward is not glaring at her, he’s not even paying attention to her, and he seems happy, as his group are all laughing.  She notes that Edward seems less pale, and that something else about him is different as well, but she can’t place what.

Jessica catches Bella looking at Edward, and just as she does, Edward catches her doing so as well.  She looks away quickly, but is pleased that when he did look at her, he didn’t look angry, just curious.  Jessica confirms that Edward doesn’t look angry and asks why Bella would think he would be, so she confesses that she doesn’t think Edward likes her.  Jessica informs her that the Cullens don’t like anybody, or notice them enough to care, but that Edward is still staring at her anyway.

Bella tells Jessica to stop looking at him, which she does, and then Mike shows up again with plans to have an ‘epic’ snowball fight after school, which Bella, of course, instantly decides she’ll have to hide to avoid being a part of.  Luckily for her, though, she won’t have to worry about that, because when they leave the cafeteria after lunch, they all discover that the snow is already gone, having been replaced by rain.

How convenient.

How convenient.

When she gets to class, Bella is pleased to see that Edward is not there yet.  He shows up only a few minutes later, though, and almost instantly greets her, which shocks her.  We are treated to a brief description of how unbelievably gorgeous he is, but of course, and then he introduces himself in an absurdly polite manner which indicates that he already knows who she is.

Bella is confused, wondering if she imagined his anger from the other day, and panics a bit knowing that she’s got to come up with something to say to him, so she asks him how he knows her name.  That leads to an awkward conversation that I can’t really understand the point of, in terms of the plot of the book, because all it points out is that Edward somehow knows to call her Bella right off the bat, whereas everyone else initially calls her Isabella and then has to be told she prefers Bella.  Who cares?

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As luck would have it, after their awkward exchange, Bella and Edward discover that they need to work as lab partners for the class, to identify the phases of mitosis using a microscope.  And this is where the chapter starts getting weird.  Considering how little actually happens here, Meyer takes a hell of a lot of time to get through this lab, I’m assuming just to show us how Bella and Edward interact together.  But as I said, it’s weird, and it’s awkward, and it’s like a battle for who’s the smartest when it’s clearly both of them, which just seems obnoxious to me.  Even the parts that are supposed to seem flirtatious just feel annoying.

All we really learn throughout this is that Bella is all googly eyed over how ‘beautiful’ Edward is, they’re both smart, like I said (and like we already knew about Bella), Edward has ice cold hands (I wonder why) and when he touches Bella, she feels an electric shock…and they’re both competitive show-offs.  I really feel like it did not need to take multiple pages to establish all that useless bullshit.

Still, they’re done their work long before anyone else is, so they’re left with more time for awkward interactions (yaaaay) and for Bella to describe how different Edward’s eyes seem from what they looked like the last time she saw him.  I know that’s probably supposed to actually be relevant in some way, but y’know, I just really don’t care to such a degree that I’m not even going to go into any details about it.  Like I said, there is so much stuff in this chapter that is either clearly filler or is probably supposed to be important but feels like filler anyway, that I just can’t be bothered.

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The teacher comes over to check their answers, which are of course all correct, and identifies that Bella was in advanced placement courses when she was in Phoenix, because she is just THAT smart.  The teacher seems unhappy about this for some reason and goes away, so Edward starts talking about how unfortunate it is that the snow is gone, which Bella obviously disagrees with.

Blah blah blah, it’s soooo difficult for her to live in Forks, and that’s fascinating to Edward for some reason, and then we finally get to know why Bella actually moved to Forks when she apparently hates it and everything about it so much.  She says it’s because her mother got remarried, and then oh my god it takes forever for Meyer to get to the reason why that would make her move, because she needs to go on uselessly about a bunch of other crap…and finally we get to that her mother’s new husband moves a lot, and Bella knew her mother was unhappy not being with him (because she was staying behind to be with Bella), so she left so that her mother could be happy.  Awwwww, how entirely self-sacrificing, just like Wanda!  Fuck.

I don’t know, I would be all for this if Meyer’s characters didn’t always go all ‘woe is me’ after doing something ‘nice’ for someone, but when they do, it just really takes away from the nice deed that they did, and makes it annoying.  It doesn’t seem like life in Forks has been bad to Bella at all; in fact, it’s been very good to her…so why is she still complaining about it?  She should be happy she did something for her mother that didn’t turn out so bad for her at all, and that’s that.  Enough whining.

Ahh, good vampires.

Ahh, good vampires.

Edward points out that Bella’s unhappy and says he doesn’t think that’s fair, so Bella says life isn’t fair (it’s not, but come on, you got a free fucking truck the first day, and a bunch of friends with no effort on your part the next; I think you’re doing fucking okay), and then Edward calls her on the fact that he thinks she’s putting on a show, but is really “suffering more than you let anyone see“.  Ugggggh.  I don’t feel bad for her, Meyer, and I’m not going to, so fuck off with this shit!

Edward presses Bella on the subject to find out if he’s right about his assumption, and she snaps at him, asking why it matters to him.  He says that’s a good question, and I think for one shining moment that that’s the end of this incredibly boring conversation, but then nope, he asks if he’s annoying her, and we’re right back into more pointless bullshit again.  Goddammit.

Bella is annoyed that her face is so easy to read, but Edward says he finds her hard to read, so she says he’s a good reader, and then the teacher calls the class’s attention to himself finally, but Bella just keeps thinking about how beautiful Edward is but how he’s pulling away from her again.

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Edward leaves quickly again when the class ends, so Mike shows up to talk to Bella as per usual, complaining about how hard the lab was.  Instead of being sympathetic, Bella decides to show off by saying she didn’t have any trouble with it, but then adds that she did it before, so as not to hurt his feelings.  As if she really cares.

They briefly discuss the fact that Edward seemed more friendly today, and then they head to gym class, where Bella continues to be distracted by thoughts of Edward, and Mike continues to be super sweet in looking out for her, despite that she doesn’t give a shit about him.

When gym is done, Bella heads out to her truck, and as she’s about to go, she notices Edward standing by his car, staring at her.  Creepy.  She almost hits a car in her distraction, then pulls out and leaves, noticing Edward laughing at her as she does so.  Smoooooth.

smooth

And that’s it for this chapter, thank god.  It really did feel like that took forever to get through.  God, I hope the rest aren’t like this…my kingdom for less boring filler…

Moving On

Alright, so I’m now completely done with The Host, and would like never to think of it again if I can help it…though I’m sure I’m going to have to, considering the next project I’m tackling is the Twilight Series, which, of course, was also written by Stephenie Meyer.  As you can imagine, I’m very excited about this, because The Host has really made me feel confident about Meyer’s ability to write.

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God, I hope this venture doesn’t kill me.

Because Mike has fallen behind on his Host posts and therefore hasn’t finished yet, I’m going to start writing my recaps for Twilight, but I may not start posting them until he’s caught up a little.  I’m not sure if I will be posting anything in the meantime or not, as I have yet to come up with anything, but when I do start posting again, it will continue to be on Tuesdays and Thursdays, as before (with a Q&A post on Saturdays).  I may just end up giving up on any restraint and post my Twilight recaps anyway, but we shall see.  It’s a mystery!

Anyway, hope to see you back for Twilight, where Stephenie Meyer will once again attempt to prove that “love is the most important part of any story“, so you do not actually need to have any skill or talent in order to write a book, as long as the characters make out every so often!

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