Q&A: Punishment

The seventieth question for the Q&A section of this blog is: “What is the worst punishment you’ve ever had to endure?”

Well, I guess that depends on what you consider to be a ‘punishment’. I’m not sure I’ve been legitimately punished for much – though that might just be my incredibly poor memory acting up again – but sometimes it certainly feels like I’m being punished for something.  Take right now, for example…I somehow developed a lung infection a few weeks ago, which ended up resulting in a trip to the ER on Christmas Eve, which revealed a broken rib.  A few days later, I developed incredible sciatic pain in my hip and leg, which has only become progressively worse as time has gone on, and then last night I managed to break another rib, in the same way as the first, while the first is still healing and I still have the sciatic pain…and the infection seems to be coming back, somehow.  So all of this certainly feels like a punishment, but logically I know it’s not (and I can’t imagine what it would be a punishment for anyway), so…I’m not sure what to consider here.

As mentioned previously, I’ve been in abusive relationships in the past, and I was certainly “punished” during those (with threats, physical abuse, etc.), but I’m also not sure those things apply, as they were not justifiable punishments; they were punishments in the eyes of my abusers, but just straight up abuse in the eyes of anyone else.  So I’d say that also doesn’t count.

So legitimate punishments? I don’t know. I guess I haven’t really done much that would lead to punishment…unless you count going through the pain of a breakup because of things I did/did not do, or getting in trouble with my mom as a child, or something like that…nothing severe, at any rate. I guess this is another one I simply don’t have a good answer for.  Man, I’m boring.

Oh well; see you next time!

Check out Mike’s answer at http://emptystress.wordpress.com, and please feel free to post your own in the comments! 

(Next question: “Who do you think was the worst criminal in history?”)

Q&A: Criminal

The sixty-fifth question for the Q&A section of this blog is: “What’s the worst crime you have ever committed?”

Uhh…I don’t know that I’ve really committed many crimes, unless you count the standard speeding/jaywalking/whatever else….so I guess maybe smoking weed? I’ve never bought or sold it, but I’ve smoked it…so yeah, even that one’s pretty innocent.  Guess I’m just boring, unless I’m forgetting something! So that’s a quick one. 😛

Check out Mike’s answer at http://emptystress.wordpress.com, and please feel free to post your own in the comments! 

(Next question: “What is your strongest argument against capital punishment?”)

Twilight Recap – Complications (Chapter 11)

Ahhh, another chapter of pointless conversation and the relentless description of tension between Edward and Bella.  See why I said these chapters were repetitive?  It’s just the same crap, over and over, except I care less and less every time.  And I really don’t care about what Bella does and does not like, which is at least half this chapter, so hopefully I’ll be able to skim through that pretty quickly.

The chapter starts with eeeeeveryone watching Bella and Edward as they walk to their table in Bio class (because they are obviously just so fucking fascinating when they’re doing absolutely nothing out of the ordinary), and Edward sitting closer to Bella than he used to while they watch a video (on VHS, at that).  Meyer goes on for an entire page about the tension between them as they both apparently sneak peeks at one another and hurt themselves trying not to touch each other, because the desire to is just soooo strong, and Bella has to try not to hyperventilate when Edward smiles at her, which I don’t feel like is normal at all.

In the end, she remembers absolutely nothing about the movie they watched because she’s so wrapped up in Edward – god, that is a healthy level of obsession, isn’t it? – and then Edward walks her to gym class, where he looks torn and pained and all those other things you want someone to look like when they’re agonizing over how much they want you (or so I assume, given Meyer keeps telling us that), until he runs his hand down her face.   Neither of them says anything after that, they both just leave, and Bella goes to get changed in a trance because apparently Edward makes her “lightheaded and wobbly” MULTIPLE TIMES in just this one chapter.  Yay.

Then it’s time to play what I’m assuming is badminton but is at least some game with a racket, and Mike offers to be her partner because “some vestiges of (Mike’s) chivalry still survived“…oh come on now; he’s not gonna turn into a gigantic dick just because you turned him down, you self-absorbed bitch.  He was never mean to you, not even for a second, so you have absolutely zero reason to believe he would be now.  Stop acting like every fucking person who is nice to you is secretly out to get you!

Thankfully she at least thanks Mike for partnering up with her even though she sucks worse at sports than anyone else on the planet, but then thinks “Sometimes it was so easy to like Mike”, which makes me want to stab her again.  Again, Mike has been NOTHING but nice, friendly and understanding to her, so there is no reason why it shouldn’t ALWAYS be easy to like Mike.  Maybe I’m being too sensitive here, but this shit pisses me off.  She’s still being an ungrateful bitch, and more so to the two people who are nicest to her than anyone else, and it is infuriating!

Blah blah blah, details of how much she sucks at sports yet again, and Mike is only “pretty good” at them despite winning 3 of 4 games singlehandedly, and then her “feelings of affection” for him disappear because he has the absolute gall to ask if she and Edward are together.  What the FUCK is wrong with this girl?? She curses Jessica here too, for some reason…I’m assuming the logic there is that she assumes that Jess told Mike about her and Edward, but she’s been fucking with Edward everywhere she goes; I think Mike could figure it out on his own!

She gets all defensive when he says he doesn’t like that Edward looks at her like she’s something to eat, but then she thinks it’s funny because he (Edward) is doing exactly that, which is just her missing the fucking point entirely.  Mike has her best interests at heart, and she’s not even considering that for a second; she’s just telling him to mind his own business and laughing because he doesn’t know how RIGHT he is!  Fuck, she is the stupidest fucking character!

She doesn’t spend even two seconds thinking about the conversation with Mike once she leaves him; she just goes back to getting butterflies over Edward again as she wonders whether he’ll be waiting to drive her home or not. Of course he fucking will; he made you come to school without your car, he’s not gonna just make you walk home without at least telling you about that beforehand! That’s just common decency!

She worries about whether his family knows that she knows they’re vampires or not, but that line of thinking quickly disappears when Edward is outside the door waiting for her, as expected, and she feels all relieved.  I’m sorry; I’m really annoyed by all this right now, so I may be saying things more sarcastically than perhaps I should be.  Anyway, they start talking about her gym class, and she realizes that Edward was listening in on her through Mike.  Edward says Mike is getting on his nerves, which is funny since all he’s done ‘wrong’ is have the exact same fucking concern for Bella that Edward keeps saying he has for her, and that he wishes she would have for herself…so yet again, someone is a dick to Mike for no good reason.

Of course Bella is all annoyed that Edward was listening in on her again, because she was somehow stupid enough to have not predicted that would happen, and then is subsequently annoyed because he doesn’t sound remorseful when he blames her for being the reason he did it (what?), so she ignores him, but walks to his car anyway.  “I hate you, don’t talk to me, but please drive me home!”  Bitch.

Meyer decides to take another detour in her own story here and go on about cars for a  bit again, which is still entirely irrelevant to anything, but it gets Bella and Edward talking again, so clearly that was the point.  This exchange annoys me though, because Bella bothers to ask what kind of car Rosalie is driving, and then immediately makes it clear – in the most bitchy way possible – that she knows fuck all about cars.  So why did she ask in the first place?!

Bella and Edward make a deal that she will forgive him if he apologizes to her and agrees to let her drive on Saturday (after he rejects her attempt to make a deal that will keep him from listening in on her again; she gave that one up pretty easily), so he apologizes.

After that, they get into another completely unnecessary conversation about how Edward won’t bring a car on Saturday so that Charlie won’t find out that they’re together, even though he loves that family so there’s no reason why it would be a bad thing if he did find that out…and then they’re at Charlie’s, and Bella is asking if it’s “later” yet so she can find out about…whatever it was at the end of the last chapter that was supposed to be important.  See, that’s how much I care, and how well this book sticks with me.  Fuck.

Oh, right, it’s about why she can’t see him hunt. He apologizes for scaring her with his reaction to her asking if she could see it sometime, then explains that the reason it would be so dangerous for her to be around while they hunted is that they give themselves over to their senses when they hunt, so he couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t hurt her.  Reasonable.  Bella doesn’t say or do anything in response to this, just stares at him until he tells her she should go inside, getting all dizzy and weird again.

She gets out of the car, Edward informs her that it’ll be his turn to ask questions next, and then he’s gone, and this chapter gets even less interesting than it was before.  She has a restless sleep full of dreams of Edward, wakes up and bitches about the clothes she has to wear because of the weather in Forks, has a different breakfast than Charlie because for some reason he doesn’t make her any eggs, which I find hard to believe, and then she and Charlie have a completely pointless conversation in which he reiterates that she is going to Seattle and isn’t going to the dance.  Really, why did we need that, Meyer?  You’ve already been over those points a thousand times.

Charlie leaves, and as soon as he’s gone, Edward is there waiting for Bella.  She leaves without locking the door, which we for some reason needed to know even though it doesn’t come up again in the chapter at all, then gets into the car with Edward, who is excruciatingly perfect and beautiful and blah blah blah; shut the fuck up.

“I was always good – much more than good – when I was near him.”

Really?  Because I have seen absolutely no fucking proof of that.  Most of the time when you’re with him, you’re pissed off about something, and the rest of the time you’re scared of something; it’s very, very rare that you’re actually happy or “good”.  Even when things are going the way you supposedly want.

Edward asks her how she is and they discuss how little she slept, because hahahaha that’s so fucking funny because Edward doesn’t sleep at all, and then he starts in with the insane questions, which I’m not even going to bother to list off because they are really just the most boring questions that there is no reason why we would need the answers to at all, so I’ll only mention the especially stupid/annoying things that come of this conversation.

“‘Everything that’s supposed to be brown – tree trunks, rocks, dirt – is all covered up with squashy green stuff here,’ I complained.”

…That’s something worth complaining about?  Seriously?  Who the fuck would rather see dirt than vegetation? She said herself how pretty all the green stuff was, didn’t she?  I’m not going back to check, because fuck that, but really; this is such a fucking bullshit complaint.

It turns out that Edward has the same CD Bella has, the one that her stepdad gave her, which is supposed to be one of those “omg we have so much in common” moments…but really, it just doesn’t come off as interesting to even the slightest degree here.

“I couldn’t remember the last time I’d talked so much. More often than not, I felt self-conscious, certain I must be boring him. But the absolutely absorption of his face, and his never-ending stream of questions, compelled me to continue.”

Uggggh, you’re definitely boring me, if nothing else, and I have NO idea how anyone could be ‘absorbed’ by this pointless crap.  I don’t care what your favourite colour or movie or whatever the hell is, and why the hell would someone who has lived for centuries give a shit about that either?  This is NOT an interesting character, Meyer, and there is NO reason why someone like Edward would be drawn to her, or want to know any of this shit, and even less reason why we as the readers need to know it!

Blah blah fucking blah, her favourite gemstone is the colour of his eyes, how fucking surprising, and this goes on and fucking ON, until they have another tense movie session in bio class which ends, once again, with Bella having retained exactly none of what was in the video, and after which Edward touches her face again when he drops her off at gym class.  I DON’T GIVE A SHIT.  NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT.

In gym, Mike ignores her, and she can’t tell if it’s because she looks distracted or if it’s because of their “squabble” the day before, and she considers feeling bad about that but decides she can’t be bothered because she’s a gigantic bitch.  Oh, sorry, I read that wrong; it’s because she “can’t concentrate on him“. …No, yeah, that’s the same thing; she is really just a gigantic bitch.  Seriously, how fucking self-absorbed can you be?!  I’d like to say she’s not going to have many friends left if she keeps treating people this way, but clearly in Meyer’s experience that’s not the case, so it won’t happen…and that is somewhat infuriating to me.  God, I hate this book.

She rushes to change so she can be with Edward one millisecond sooner, who apparently starts questioning her again the moment he sees her.  Yaaaaaay.  They talk for hours about stuff that’s supposed to be deep and meaningful and interesting, but that I still just don’t even give the smallest of shits about, and then Edward reminds her that her father will be home soon, so they should probably stop talking.

“‘Charlie!’ I suddenly recalled his existence, and sighed.”

I just…I just hate you so much.  So, so much.

She asks what time it is, which leads to a little rant from Edward about how it’s twilight (which does not really tell her what time it is, but hey, whatever) and how sad and ‘predictable’ the darkness is, and that feels ridiculously lame to me, but apparently we need to know that that’s the safest time of day for vampires for some reason.  Bella says she likes the dark, then Edward reminds her again that Charlie’s about to show up and informs her that there will be more fucking questions in the morning (kill me now), before realizing that “another complication” has arisen.

What complication is that?  Why, it’s a car pulling up that isn’t Charlie’s, that causes Edward to take off quickly, because inside the car are Jacob and his father.  Good times.  Jacob doesn’t notice Edward, but his father does, and he is clearly not amused at all.  The description of him is kind of terrifying and horrible, but of course Bella would see him that way since he’s an enemy of Edward in her eyes, so…yeah.  The chapter ends with Bella realizing that Billy (Jacob’s father) does ‘believe’ the ‘impossible legends’ about the vampires, and you have no idea how happy I am that this is over.  How did this book get so popular?  It’s so boring, and Bella is a TERRIBLE character!  Ugh.  That’s it for now.

But god, I wish it was.

(See Mike’s take on this chapter at http://emptystress.wordpress.com!)

Twilight Recap – Interrogations (Chapter 10)

This chapter is pretty much just one giant conversation between Bella and Edward, and while it’s not too painful to read, there is, of course, a whole bunch of crap added that we definitely didn’t need, that could have made it much shorter if Meyer had cut it.  I really wish she would do that, even once.

So the chapter starts with Bella arguing with herself over whether or not what happened the night before was a dream…so in other words, pointless blather.  More pointless blather about the weather, breakfast, and other things follows that, and then there is Edward’s car at the end of her driveway, and Edward asking her if she wants a drive to school with him.  What a nice, creepy way to start the day; a vampire walking up to you out of the fog, asking if you want to spend time alone with him in his car.

“There was uncertainty in his voice. He was really giving me a choice – I was free to refuse, and part of him hoped for that.”

Maybe it’s just me, but something feels very off about how this sentence is worded.  To me, it sounds like Bella isn’t used to being able to refuse things, even though there’s been no sign in the book thus far that anyone has ever stopped her from making her own choices about things.  Even Edward, who wants her to make the choice to stay away from him for her own good, is still (for some reason) giving her the right to make that choice herself instead of making it for her.  So why does she seem so surprised?  Maybe I’m just reading this wrong.

Anyway, it’s no surprise that she agrees to go with him, and once she’s in his car he offers her his jacket again, because he knows Jessica still has hers.  Awww, he’s so considerate, and she’s so horny about his scent and his ‘perfectly muscled chest‘ that she can see through his shirt since he’s not wearing the jacket…

Bella feels awkward as they drive, because she doesn’t know what sort of dynamic they should have, and then Edward starts talking to her about her questions and reactions to him, and accuses her of editing her responses when she tells him what she’s thinking.  She tells him he doesn’t want to hear what she’s really thinking, which is a stab at him for when he said that the night before, so they go back to silence until they get to school, when Bella asks where his family is.

That question leads to a bunch of useless paragraphs about how the vampires want to fit in but they like shiny cars and driving fast too much, and then there’s Jessica, waiting for Bella with her jacket.  Jess is very awkward about Edward being with Bella for some reason (is it really that much of a surprise, given the night before?), so she takes off, and Edward and Bella discuss what she’s going to say to Jess when she sees her in class.

Bella uses Edward’s ability to read Jess’s mind to find out what she wants to know, which is if Edward and Bella are dating, and how Bella feels about him.  Bella takes that opportunity to find out where she stands with Edward, which is surprisingly clever for her, and he tells her that she should say yes to the question of whether or not they’re dating, because it’s “easier than any other explanation“.  How romantic.  At least he touches her hair while he does this, to make it somewhat less depressing.

Edward leaves for class, telling her he’ll be waiting to see what her answer is to the question of how she feels about him, and then instead of being happy that she’s just found out she’s dating the guy she’s got a crush on, Bella is irritated because Edward is going to ‘cheat’ to find out how she feels.  If you’re dating the guy, how is that a problem?  Why can’t you focus on the good parts of any situation for more than 3 seconds?  So what if he knows how you feel about him; he just revealed that he wants to date you, and not only that, but he wants to let others know that! Clearly he feels something for you, as much as he shouldn’t! Aggh.

Mike starts talking to Bella once she sits down in class, asking about her time in Port Angeles, and then they chat briefly about his date with Jess…which he seems a lot happier about than he should, considering he didn’t want to date Jess, he only went out with her because Bella wouldn’t go out with him.  But hey, maybe he’s just a generally lonely guy, so he’s happy with whatever he can get.  I just can’t see this being how things would legitimately go in real life, unless the guy was just using the girl. I hope that’s not the case; poor Jess.

Blah blah blah, time and classes go by, Bella “agonizes” over crap that’s really not all that bad, and then she is in class with Jess, and Jess is excited to hear about what happened with Edward.  Bella tells her all about all the things we already know, and then Jess asks if Edward has kissed her, to which she responds that “it’s not like that“.  …What?  He said you’re dating; how is it not “like that”?  Just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it won’t; if he wants you to be dating, chances are it is very much “like that”, and you should know that!  Besides, this makes it sound like you’re not even dating, which again, he just said you are!

Still, Bella says she doubts Edward will kiss her on Saturday either, so I’m willing to bet he will (even if only to spite her), and then Bella tells her about the waitress hitting on him and whatnot.  Again, this is all stuff we already knew that to some extent I understand why is here, but still do not believe has to be here in such detail.  Unfortunately, Meyer, I was paying attention the first time you described all this shit; I really don’t need to go through it all again.

Jess points out that Edward must like Bella if he was ignoring the pretty waitress for her, even though that’s kind of flawed logic, and Bella says she thinks he likes her, but it’s hard to tell.  Again, really? How is it hard to tell?  He JUST SAID YOU ARE DATING.  Most people don’t date people they don’t like, especially not when said person is someone who has told you repeatedly that they shouldn’t be around you for your own good, yet can’t seem to stay away from you! If how he feels about you trumps that, I’m pretty damn sure he fucking likes you! Still don’t know why, but yeah!

For some reason.

They discuss how intimidating and gorgeous he is, and Bella has a very hypocritical thought about Jess’s view on things; she says Jess acts like Edward’s being gorgeous excuses any of his flaws, but that’s exactly what Bella has fucking done.  She’s decided that because he is pretty and she’s attracted to him, it doesn’t matter that he’s a vampire.  Bella, seriously, become even the slightest bit self-aware, here.  You can’t look down on Jess for doing something that you are doing to a MUCH worse degree.  I’m pretty sure Jess would be way more turned off by finding out he’s a vampire than you have been.  But damn, those abs, eh?  Totally worth dying for.

Bella goes on about how much more unbelievable Edward is behind his good looks, despite that she knows next to nothing about him, and then Jess confirms that Bella likes him, and asks her how much she likes him.  Is this actually a thing that teenaged girls do?  Because I don’t remember doing that.  I remember being asked if I liked someone, but once the answer was out, no one pressed about degrees of liking the person.  But I guess Meyer needed a way for Bella to reveal that she believes that she likes Edward more than he likes her, so she and Edward can have an asinine conversation about that later, so there you have it.

Class ends, and as Bella and Jess leave, Bella makes sure to change the subject to her brief conversation with Mike about his date with Jess, so that she doesn’t have to talk about Edward anymore…and apparently they’re able to talk about that approximately two sentence long conversation for the entirety of the next class.  Dear god, I’m so glad I was never that kind of teenaged girl.  I’d have had to stab myself, I’m pretty sure.

When they leave for lunch, Jess confirms that Bella isn’t going to be sitting with her and her friends, and then there is Edward, waiting just outside the class for Bella.

“Jessica took one look, rolled her eyes, and departed.”

.…Why would she roll her eyes? She wants this for Bella; she’s excited about it…that is a completely nonsensical reaction.  I’m not sure why that annoys me so much, but it does…maybe because Meyer keeps having Bella treat Jess like shit, and then seems to be trying to make it look like Jess is being a bitch here, when she really isn’t a bitch at all.  I don’t know.

Bella and Edward exchange hellos, then don’t speak anymore (because Edward looks irritated again; yay) until they get to the lunch line, where Edward begins piling up food for the two of them.  Good of him to decide what she wants, isn’t it?  But hey, I guess he pays for it, so whatever.

Everyone stares at them “in amazement” wherever they go together, because I guess Edward must never have been seen with anyone outside his family ever before now, and for some reason everyone is much more invested in that than there is any reason to be…and then they’re sitting at their lunch table, with Edward proving he can eat real food if he wants to, and them discussing Bella eating dirt on a dare.  This is just such important and interesting information; I can barely stand it.

Edward informs Bella that Jessica is analysing everything he does, which for some reason irritates him, despite that she is very useful to him so I can’t really see why he’d be annoyed by her…and then they discuss how pretty the waitress was, and how little Edward noticed her.  Again. Luckily that doesn’t go on for long, though, before Edward mentions that something Bella said to Jess bothered him, and they have an exchange that I really can’t tell if is meant to come off as flirtatious or full of annoyance, because the comments seem quite bitey.  I don’t like how the line there is so blurry with these two.  How is this supposed to be a desirable relationship for the reader, when it’s always on the borderline of annoyance and even, in some cases, mental/emotional abuse?

Edward tells her that he wants to know what she’s thinking all the time, he just sometimes wishes she wouldn’t think the things she does, and then asks if she really thinks she cares more for him than he does for her.  And here we go; bring on the inane crap!

Bella tries to evade the question at first, but then answers that she does think that that’s the case, which he says is wrong.  After much delay due to Bella being distracted by how pretty Edward is yet a-fucking-GAIN (and this delay significantly annoys Edward, so maybe he doesn’t have as much control over his temper as we were led to believe in previous chapters), she explains that she thinks she cares more than he does because it sometimes seems like he’s trying to say goodbye to her when he’s saying something else, and because of “the obvious“.  Alllllrighty then.

Edward calls her perceptive, which again she ISN’T, because it didn’t just ‘seem’ like he was trying to say goodbye, he was ACTUALLY FUCKING TRYING TO, repeatedly, and was VERY clear about it…but says that that’s exactly why she’s wrong, and then asks what she means by “the obvious“.  This gives Bella a chance to get all self-deprecating and go on about how ordinary she is aside from her clumsiness, and what a contrast that is to him.

Edward tells her that she doesn’t see herself very clearly, which is true, but again not in the way he’s thinking; she doesn’t see herself clearly because she doesn’t see what a self-absorbed, whiney bitch she is on top of being ordinary and clumsy, while he thinks what she doesn’t see is how every male in school was thinking about her the day she showed up.  What the fuck?  Every male in school? She is one fucking person; she can’t possibly be to the tastes of EVERY GUY IN THE SCHOOL.  Especially because not all the guys would be stupid enough to fall for someone as bitchy as she is, especially as she was in those first few days.  Just fuck off, Meyer.

Bella gets embarrassed by the implications of what Edward is saying, so she changes the subject back to the ‘goodbye’ portion of her argument, which Edward again says is exactly what proves that he cares the most; because he can say goodbye to her if leaving is the right thing to do to keep her safe from him.  …Except that he didn’t do that, and clearly can’t do it, or he would have by now, since he knows he’s a danger to her.  So…yeah, more flawed logic.

They get a bit flirty about her not getting into any life threatening situations yet today, while Bella thinks more dark thoughts that I’m not even going to bother with because again, when is she EVER doing or thinking anything good without a bunch of badness as well…and then Edward asks her if she really needs to go to Seattle on Saturday, or if she just said that to get out of saying no to all the guys asking her to the dance.

Bella again evades the question by trying to get after Edward for stopping traffic so Tyler could ask her, and blaming him for being the reason Tyler thinks the two of them are going to prom together, but Edward asks her if she’d have said no if he had asked her, and she has to admit that she probably wouldn’t have. She does say, though, that she’d likely have chickened out in the end anyway because of her clumsiness, which Edward teases her about but says would not actually have been a problem, because dancing is all about who leads.

He changes the subject back to Seattle again, asking if she minds if they do something different, and she says she’s okay with them doing something different as long as she can drive, because she’s terrified of his driving…and because she doesn’t want to have to explain to her dad why she isn’t taking her truck, because “less is always more” with Charlie.  I assume that means she is once again thinking far too little of Charlie, because when does she do anything other than that, so she is once again being a stupid, ungrateful bitch.

She asks Edward where they’re going on Saturday instead, and he says the weather is supposed to be nice so he’ll be staying “out of the public eye“, and that she can stay with him if she’d like to…which again surprises her, because he’s giving her the choice.  Seriously, what’s up with that?

She asks if he’ll show her what he means about what happens to him in the sun, and he says he will, then says if she doesn’t want to be alone with him he’d still prefer if she didn’t go to Seattle alone, which leads to yet another conversation about how unsafe it is for her to be alone because she’s so incapable of taking care of herself, with her only argument against that being that she’s from Phoenix.  She says she doesn’t mind being alone with him anyway, and he says he knows, but thinks she should tell her dad anyway, to give him some incentive to bring her back.  Well that’s fucking creepy.

She still doesn’t agree to tell Charlie, and then suggests they talk about something else, and then this chapter gets even more inane than it already was, as they discuss Edward and Emmett’s hunting trip, and their preferences as regards the type of animals they eat.  I’m sure this is only coming up because Meyer wants to make it important down the line, but that just depresses me all the more, because it means there’s more pointless, stupid crap to come.  Yaaaay.

I hate Bella’s attitude during this conversation though, because she’s intentionally trying to be ‘cool’ about everything he’s saying, and that drives me right up the fucking wall.  As boring as this conversation is for me, if it were actually happening with someone in real life, it would be pretty fucking interesting and/or terrifying, so acting like it’s just the most natural thing ever is just fucking stupid.

For a brief, shining second it looks like this conversation is going to end, when Edward asks her what she’s really thinking, but then nope; right back to bears as Bella asks how they hunt bears without weapons.  REALLY?  Do you still not understand what a fucking VAMPIRE is, you brainless twit?!

Blah blah blah, on and on about how Emmett is like a bear when he hunts and Edward is like a mountain lion, so their preferences are fitting, and then Bella asks if she’ll ever get to see them hunt, which Edward says absolutely will not happen, in the angriest way possible.  She asks if it’s too scary for her, and he says if that was it he’d take her out right away, because she needs a healthy dose of fear so she might actually listen to him, and then says he’ll tell her the real reason why she can’t see it later.

Then they get up to head off to class, and Bella vows not to forget that he promised to tell her later, which is not surprising given how she’s acted when he’s said similar things before, so looking forward to more of that shit…and then the chapter ends.  So yeah, all talk and not a lot of action, and definitely not anything all that interesting or important at any point.  This is such good writing.

(See Mike’s take on this chapter at http://emptystress.wordpress.com!)

Twilight Recap – Theory (Chapter 9)

So the truth comes out in this chapter, and it’s way less interesting than it should have been.  Thankfully this was a shorter chapter, because it was also a very boring one.

The chapter starts with Bella asking if she can ask Edward “just one more” question, which he for some reason agrees to, so she asks him how he knew she had gone south instead of going to the bookstore. Now, having read ahead I know why Meyer put this in here, but honestly it doesn’t make sense; any normal person would just assume that he had used the thoughts of others, like he said he did, to see that she went south instead of going to the bookstore, and would therefore not assume there was anything strange about him knowing that.

…But oh, wait, Bella is not a normal person, right?  She’s special, so of course she would know to ask about that instead of just making a logical connection.  Yeeeeeah.

Anyway, she asked it so Meyer could have Edward reveal that he followed her scent, which Bella doesn’t know how to respond to, so she changes the subject to point out that he didn’t answer one of her previous questions.  Okay, I get why she wouldn’t know what to say here, but wouldn’t she at least think something about it?  Even just that it might be a point in the ‘probably a vampire’ column?

She asks him again how the mind reading thing works, and if the rest of his family can do it, to which he responds that they can’t; only he can.  He says he has to be relatively close to the person whose mind he’s reading unless their ‘voice’ is very familiar to him, and that he usually tunes out the voices when he’s not specifically trying to focus on one of them.

Bella asks why he thinks he can’t hear her thoughts, and he says his only guess is that her mind doesn’t work the way everyone else’s does…and y’know, Edward, you really have no idea how right you are about that, but not in the way you’re thinking.  I am more curious about why the rest of his family can’t read thoughts.  Wonder if we’ll ever get to know?

Anyway, Bella gets self-conscious about the fact that she’s different, thinking it means she’s a freak like she always suspected (well, at least someone noticed), but Edward just laughs it off and says it’s just a theory before turning the conversation back to the theory that Bella was supposed to share with him.  Apparently Meyer can’t let any conversation go on without a completely useless interruption, though, because at this point, Bella suddenly notices how fast Edward is driving and freaks out about it.  Yep, as mentioned before, this book is fucking riveting.

They go back and forth for a while about whether or not his driving is unsafe, but eventually he slows down, and then – after a page of this nonsense – finally gets back to the matter at hand.  Bella delays again, afraid he’ll be angry with her for her theory, but he tries to reassure her by being calm, and asks her what got her started on her theory, since she said she didn’t come up with it on her own.

She tells him what Jacob told her, which is really fucking horrible of her since she told Jacob she would take his secret to her grave, so she damn well shouldn’t be telling it to one of the very fucking people it’s about, especially considering how dangerous the Cullens supposedly are, and the fact that Jacob told her flat out that their kind were enemies of his kind!  She doesn’t actually give a shit about anybody else, does she?  She knows this could potentially kill Jacob, but because she wants Edward, she’s willing to risk that!  She doesn’t even pretend that she figured out on her own that Edward was a vampire, from piecing things together with Jacob’s story; no, she tells Edward that Jacob mentioned his family!  And after she said how sweet Jacob was, and how much she liked him!

She somehow only realizes that she has endangered Jacob after revealing everything, so she tries to make it better by confessing that she forced him to tell her, as though that’s really gonna save him.  Edward asks why she forced him, so she explains about the other boy mentioning that the Cullens weren’t allowed there, then explains how she manipulated Jacob into telling her by flirting with him.  And that still significantly annoys me.

I wish she was this self-aware.

Edward asks what she did after that, so she tells him about her internet research, then reveals that she decided, after not being able to make sense of the information she found, that it didn’t matter what he was.  Edward is not pleased to hear that; he says he’d rather know what she’s thinking than have her go on not telling him the truth, but that she’s insane, and he is clearly very angry that she is still not accepting how dangerous he is, even though she has a pretty good idea now.

She asks if she’s right about what he is, saying she’s just curious, then asks how old he is and how long he’s been that age, getting exactly the answers she expected.  She then asks about a few of the sun and coffin related vampire stereotypes, which he says are all myths, then reveals that he can’t actually sleep at all, ever.  Well, that must suck.  …Or be awesome.  If he doesn’t get tired, then I guess definitely awesome…though I do like sleep.  Anyway, whatever.

Edward points out that she hasn’t yet asked about his diet, so she explains how Jacob said that his family wasn’t supposed to be dangerous because they only hunted animals, not people, which he vaguely confirms before reminding her that he is still dangerous.  He goes on to explain that sometimes they make mistakes, like him allowing himself to be alone with her, and then Bella thinks for a while about how scared she is that he’s pulling away from her instead of how scared she should be that he might drink her fucking blood, so she asks him to tell her more.

She asks why they hunt animals instead of people, so he tells her that he doesn’t want to be a monster (awwww), but that eating animals doesn’t fully satiate them, it just keeps them strong enough to resist temptation most of the time, and admits that it’s very difficult for him when he’s so close to her.  She tells him that she can tell he’s not actually hungry at that moment because of his eyes, and because men are crabbier when they’re hungry, so he says she’s observant again, and I’m just…not gonna comment on that this time.

She confirms that he was hunting with Emmett on the weekend, and he says he didn’t want to leave town because it makes him anxious to be away from her, and that he worried about her the whole time he was gone.  How sweet, and completely ridiculous. He doesn’t think it is, because of how often she hurts herself (he notes how she hurt her hands on the beach trip), but it is, because he knows next to nothing about her except that he should stay away from her, has no reason to be anything but annoyed by her, and should really not be worrying about what trouble she will get in without him around when he knows she’s in greater danger with him there…but whatever.

She asks why he and his family weren’t in school on Monday, since he says they got back from their hunting trip on Sunday, and she is angry that she had to feel disappointed by his absence when he could have been there, because eeeeeeeverything is all about her, all the time…and this is where we get our first glimpse at the stupidest quality that these vampires possess.  He doesn’t tell her all the details yet, so I won’t say anything in case there’s somehow someone left in the world that doesn’t know what happens to these guys when they go out in the sun, but he does reveal that something happens that isn’t painful to him, and says he’ll show her what it is sometime.

She harps on him for not calling her (does he even have her number? I don’t remember her giving it to him at any point), which confuses him because he says he knew she was safe, but she feels that she should have known where he was, because…why, exactly?  They’re not dating, they’re not even friends, they’ve only talked once; why the hell should he feel compelled to tell her his every movement?  Hell, why would he have to do that even if they were dating?  She doesn’t need to know where he is all the time.  But because she doesn’t like not seeing him, because she says it makes her anxious, she feels like he owes it to her to tell her where he is.  This is definitely the basis for a super healthy relationship, isn’t it?

Edward gets upset about her feeling that way, saying he doesn’t want to hear it because it’s wrong and not safe, because he’s dangerous and she needs to actually grasp that, and she responds:

“‘No.‘ I tried very hard not to look like a sulky child.”

Seriously?  “No”?  He’s telling you he’s dangerous, and that it upsets him that you won’t listen to him when he tells you that, and you’re just gonna say “no”?  Well hell yeah you sound like a sulky child!  How stupid, self-involved and childish are you??

He tells her he’s serious, but she says she is too, and that it’s too late, so it doesn’t matter what he is.  Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this girl?  Why does he still want her after all this bullshit?  She’s obviously a complete fucking moron!  He snaps at her for saying it’s too late, then asks what she’s thinking for some reason, and notices she’s crying.  When he asks if she is, she says no, because again she’s a fucking child, but he’s not as stupid as she is so he doesn’t just fall for it, and instead apologizes.

They sit in silence for a minute, then he asks her what she was thinking just before he saved her from the group of guys, because her expression had confused him…and y’know what?  I really don’t give a shit about any of this.  It’s so fucking boring.  She goes on about trying to remember self-defence stuff, then tells him she didn’t think of running because she falls down a lot when she runs, and this is all just so he can express further concern over her well-being for some fucking reason. Then she demands to know if she’ll see him tomorrow, and he says she will because he has a paper due, but what happens if it’s sunny tomorrow?  Then he’ll be breaking his promise to her, and she might have an epic meltdown! Better be careful, Edward!

He does promise to be there, though, and to save a seat for her at lunch, and then they have some pointless back and forth about his jacket before he makes her promise not to go into the woods alone.  He claims there are more dangerous things than him out there, which makes her shudder, but she doesn’t ask for any further detail thankfully, she just agrees.  If you couldn’t tell, I’m trying really damn hard to get to the end of this chapter ASAP.  I think I might fall asleep otherwise.

Blah blah blah, they say goodbye, he blows in her face, she makes a fool of herself by being clumsy again, and then he is gone and she is home, talking to her dad about the fact that she’s back early.  SO EXCITING!  They go on about how she should go to bed, and how she left her jacket in Jess’s car so she has to call her, but then Jess calls her instead, wanting to know what happened with Edward, but Bella says she’ll tell her in class tomorrow because her dad is there.

She goes to shower and realizes how cold she is, which I assume is supposed to be significant for some reason, then gets ready for bed and climbs under the covers, thinking about the things she’s sure of, which are that Edward is a vampire, that he thirsts for her blood, and that she is “unconditionally and irrevocably” in love with him.  And that’s the end of the chapter.  YAY!  God, I’m so glad that’s over.  This book is so painful to read…but, see you next time anyway. *sigh*

(See Mike’s take on this chapter at http://emptystress.wordpress.com!)

Twilight Recap – Open Book (Chapter 2)

This chapter was a lot longer than I feel like it needed to be.  There was a lot of unnecessary filler, which is not at all surprising given my experience with Meyer, but it just dragged on so much, and then ended without having had a whole lot of substance at any point.  The first half is basically just Bella doing normal, everyday things, and then the second half is just plain weird, so I’m left with a bad taste in my mouth about this one.  It wasn’t horrible, but I certainly didn’t enjoy it as much as the first one, and that’s dampening my hopes for this being much better than The Host, in the end.

So that we don’t get our hopes up about this chapter not being emo, the first line is “The next day was better…and worse“.  Yay.  It’s better because she gets to make a perfectly nice guy who has done nothing to her jealous, and that is satisfying for her, and because she gets to eat lunch with a whole bunch of people instead of alone.  Everything’s coming up Bella!

…Except that she’s tired, poor baby, and being tired leads her to make a fool of herself in a couple of classes, so that’s why the day is worse.  Well, part of why; the other part is that Edward isn’t in school.  You know, the guy that freaked her out entirely yesterday, and that she actually says in this chapter that she was dreading having to see; she’s supposedly upset that he’s not around.  Why, exactly?  I mean, she seems relieved he’s not there, and rightfully so, so why would him not being there make the day worse?  Is Meyer confused?  Cause I certainly am.

Blah blah blah, Bella’s a coward, unimportant things happen as she worries that Edward will show up, she feels better as Mike walks her to class and Edward isn’t showing up, she and Mike talk a little when they get to class and it becomes clear that he’s got a crush on her, so she’s going to have to let him down easy, and then Edward still isn’t there and Bella is relieved about that…except that she’s not.

Wait, what?  She’s relieved he may not be there up until the point that she confirms that he’s not there, at which point she feels bad because she feels she’s the reason he’s not there?  Why would she care about that, when he scared her?  Why would that be bad enough for her to consider it something that made the day “worse”?  She only focuses on how egotistical it is to think that she could be the reason for him not being there, but she’s really got to look at why she’d feel guilty about that at all.  I don’t like the way Meyer writes these characters; this is not how young women should feel.  If someone makes you feel scared and uncomfortable when they’re around you, you should feel no guilt for getting them away from you, whether it happens intentionally or not, and for feeling good when they’re not there.  It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes, especially when you might be in danger otherwise.

The school day ends and Bella manages to avoid Mike, so she heads to her truck and gets her grocery money and shopping list ready, since apparently Charlie is incapable of cooking anything, so she’s going to take over.  How has he survived so long on his own if he can’t cook more than fried eggs and bacon?  How did he ever provide for her when she visited when she was younger?  And why does she continue to refer to him as ‘Charlie’ when they don’t seem to have had a bad relationship prior to this?  I thought most people called their father ‘dad’ (or something similar) unless their relationship was poor…

Anyway, she heads to the grocery store, but Meyer takes an entire page to get her there.  Said page is filled with nothing but Bella watching the other people from Edward’s group get into their car, going on about their expensive clothes and how jealous she is that they have both looks and money, and then deciding that the reason their group is isolated from everyone else must be because they want to be, not because other people don’t want them around.  Her reason for believing that?  “I couldn’t imagine any door that wouldn’t be opened by that degree of beauty.”  Seriously?!  Why does Meyer prize beauty above ALL else?  It’s a very unhealthy point of view to have!  Especially when you’re impressing it on young readers, most of whom are female!

Blah blah blah about doing the shopping; no one cares…and then she’s home, where she prepares a lovely dinner, changes, and then reads a bunch of emails from her mom.  Really, this is just riveting.  I’m so glad I’m reading this book.

In the emails, her mom exhibits her ‘scatterbrained’ tendencies and then panics when Bella doesn’t respond, and threatens to call her father if she doesn’t hear from her.  Bella writes her back telling her that everything’s great, that her dad bought her a truck and that she misses her, and that’s that.  See what I said about the first half of this chapter being mundane?

To up the excitement, Bella starts reading, and then when her father gets home, she heads back down to continue making dinner.  We are treated to a random rant about her father having never shot his gun, which I think was just so Meyer could make the point that Bella is not suicidal enough to shoot herself, as though that’s necessary, and then Bella is sad that her dad remembers her mother’s experimental cooking, but it’s all good because Bella’s only made steak and potatoes this time.

The pair eat dinner and Bella tells her dad about the people she’s met at school, which leads to a brief description by Charlie about Mike and his family, followed by a much more involved one about the Cullen family.  Charlie is very defensive of them, because he’s got a lot of respect and appreciation for Dr. Cullen, and because none of the kids have ever caused any trouble.  He’s very upset that people talk negatively about the family, and his reaction surprises Bella, so she clarifies that she thought they all seemed nice, they just keep to themselves a lot.

For some reason, Bella also finds it pertinent to mention that they’re all very attractive, which makes Charlie laugh.  He tells her that Dr. Cullen is even more attractive – distractingly so – and then they both go silent until they’re done dinner.  Not sure why; that doesn’t seem like an awkward thing to say given her comment…but hey, whatever floats your boat.

Bella washes the dishes while Charlie watches TV, which seems weird to me given she did all the cooking, but why am I surprised, when this is coming from Meyer?  After she’s done, she does some homework and then goes to bed, where she can finally sleep.  Huzzah!  One less thing to complain about!

The rest of the week goes by without much happening, though Edward still doesn’t return to school, which Bella finally allows herself to be relieved about, and while Meyer does try to explain what happened without describing every moment of each day (which is appreciated), she still goes on a bit long, given how unimportant the things she does bother to talk about seem to be.

The weekend passes with Charlie working and Bella cleaning the house, doing homework, writing emails to her mom and going to the library, which disappoints her just like everything else in Forks does, and then it’s Monday, and more unimportant stuff is happening.  I’m pretty sure this book has more filler than The Host at this point, and that is horrendously depressing.  Only 13 and a half pages left in this chapter…dear god, these recaps are seriously going to take forever, for very little content.  Ugggggh.

On Monday, Bella is happily greeted by a bunch of people, and that, combined with an easy pop quiz, makes her feel more comfortable about living in Forks, which obviously surprises her.  After her first class, she and Mike walk outside to discover that it’s snowing, which everyone is excited about except for Bella, who thinks the snow has ruined her day.  Really?  It’s snow; what’s it going to do to you?  You spent all this time complaining about the rain, and snow will be quieter at night, so…what’s the problem?

But no, she has to complain about the snow because it’s “too cold for rain“, which for some reason she now would prefer, I guess, and because she doesn’t think it looks right, since it’s not coming down in big flakes like she’s seen on TV (since she’s from somewhere where it doesn’t snow, so she’s never seen snow in real life before).  Considering how new this is, shouldn’t she at least be a little bit interested/excited to see it, regardless of whether it’s exactly how she imagined it?  I hate that Meyer’s characters never seem to appreciate anything.

Someone (which Bella suspects to be Eric) throws a snowball at Mike, so Mike prepares to retaliate, while Bella takes off because she doesn’t like “people throwing wet stuff“, and then proceeds to complain about the snow even more.  At lunch she has to pass through a giant snowball fight, which is kind of surprising to me because I don’t really remember kids doing that when I was in high school…but anyway, Bella doesn’t get hit with any, so it’s all good.

Yay.

When they get inside the cafeteria, Bella notices that Edward has returned to school, and has a bit of a panic attack.  Her friends are concerned for her because they don’t know what’s wrong, but she just tells them she feels sick, and then considers whether she should skip class and go to the nurse’s office instead.  She decides against it when she sees that Edward is not glaring at her, he’s not even paying attention to her, and he seems happy, as his group are all laughing.  She notes that Edward seems less pale, and that something else about him is different as well, but she can’t place what.

Jessica catches Bella looking at Edward, and just as she does, Edward catches her doing so as well.  She looks away quickly, but is pleased that when he did look at her, he didn’t look angry, just curious.  Jessica confirms that Edward doesn’t look angry and asks why Bella would think he would be, so she confesses that she doesn’t think Edward likes her.  Jessica informs her that the Cullens don’t like anybody, or notice them enough to care, but that Edward is still staring at her anyway.

Bella tells Jessica to stop looking at him, which she does, and then Mike shows up again with plans to have an ‘epic’ snowball fight after school, which Bella, of course, instantly decides she’ll have to hide to avoid being a part of.  Luckily for her, though, she won’t have to worry about that, because when they leave the cafeteria after lunch, they all discover that the snow is already gone, having been replaced by rain.

How convenient.

When she gets to class, Bella is pleased to see that Edward is not there yet.  He shows up only a few minutes later, though, and almost instantly greets her, which shocks her.  We are treated to a brief description of how unbelievably gorgeous he is, but of course, and then he introduces himself in an absurdly polite manner which indicates that he already knows who she is.

Bella is confused, wondering if she imagined his anger from the other day, and panics a bit knowing that she’s got to come up with something to say to him, so she asks him how he knows her name.  That leads to an awkward conversation that I can’t really understand the point of, in terms of the plot of the book, because all it points out is that Edward somehow knows to call her Bella right off the bat, whereas everyone else initially calls her Isabella and then has to be told she prefers Bella.  Who cares?

As luck would have it, after their awkward exchange, Bella and Edward discover that they need to work as lab partners for the class, to identify the phases of mitosis using a microscope.  And this is where the chapter starts getting weird.  Considering how little actually happens here, Meyer takes a hell of a lot of time to get through this lab, I’m assuming just to show us how Bella and Edward interact together.  But as I said, it’s weird, and it’s awkward, and it’s like a battle for who’s the smartest when it’s clearly both of them, which just seems obnoxious to me.  Even the parts that are supposed to seem flirtatious just feel annoying.

All we really learn throughout this is that Bella is all googly eyed over how ‘beautiful’ Edward is, they’re both smart, like I said (and like we already knew about Bella), Edward has ice cold hands (I wonder why) and when he touches Bella, she feels an electric shock…and they’re both competitive show-offs.  I really feel like it did not need to take multiple pages to establish all that useless bullshit.

Still, they’re done their work long before anyone else is, so they’re left with more time for awkward interactions (yaaaay) and for Bella to describe how different Edward’s eyes seem from what they looked like the last time she saw him.  I know that’s probably supposed to actually be relevant in some way, but y’know, I just really don’t care to such a degree that I’m not even going to go into any details about it.  Like I said, there is so much stuff in this chapter that is either clearly filler or is probably supposed to be important but feels like filler anyway, that I just can’t be bothered.

The teacher comes over to check their answers, which are of course all correct, and identifies that Bella was in advanced placement courses when she was in Phoenix, because she is just THAT smart.  The teacher seems unhappy about this for some reason and goes away, so Edward starts talking about how unfortunate it is that the snow is gone, which Bella obviously disagrees with.

Blah blah blah, it’s soooo difficult for her to live in Forks, and that’s fascinating to Edward for some reason, and then we finally get to know why Bella actually moved to Forks when she apparently hates it and everything about it so much.  She says it’s because her mother got remarried, and then oh my god it takes forever for Meyer to get to the reason why that would make her move, because she needs to go on uselessly about a bunch of other crap…and finally we get to that her mother’s new husband moves a lot, and Bella knew her mother was unhappy not being with him (because she was staying behind to be with Bella), so she left so that her mother could be happy.  Awwwww, how entirely self-sacrificing, just like Wanda!  Fuck.

I don’t know, I would be all for this if Meyer’s characters didn’t always go all ‘woe is me’ after doing something ‘nice’ for someone, but when they do, it just really takes away from the nice deed that they did, and makes it annoying.  It doesn’t seem like life in Forks has been bad to Bella at all; in fact, it’s been very good to her…so why is she still complaining about it?  She should be happy she did something for her mother that didn’t turn out so bad for her at all, and that’s that.  Enough whining.

Ahh, good vampires.

Edward points out that Bella’s unhappy and says he doesn’t think that’s fair, so Bella says life isn’t fair (it’s not, but come on, you got a free fucking truck the first day, and a bunch of friends with no effort on your part the next; I think you’re doing fucking okay), and then Edward calls her on the fact that he thinks she’s putting on a show, but is really “suffering more than you let anyone see“.  Ugggggh.  I don’t feel bad for her, Meyer, and I’m not going to, so fuck off with this shit!

Edward presses Bella on the subject to find out if he’s right about his assumption, and she snaps at him, asking why it matters to him.  He says that’s a good question, and I think for one shining moment that that’s the end of this incredibly boring conversation, but then nope, he asks if he’s annoying her, and we’re right back into more pointless bullshit again.  Goddammit.

Bella is annoyed that her face is so easy to read, but Edward says he finds her hard to read, so she says he’s a good reader, and then the teacher calls the class’s attention to himself finally, but Bella just keeps thinking about how beautiful Edward is but how he’s pulling away from her again.

Edward leaves quickly again when the class ends, so Mike shows up to talk to Bella as per usual, complaining about how hard the lab was.  Instead of being sympathetic, Bella decides to show off by saying she didn’t have any trouble with it, but then adds that she did it before, so as not to hurt his feelings.  As if she really cares.

They briefly discuss the fact that Edward seemed more friendly today, and then they head to gym class, where Bella continues to be distracted by thoughts of Edward, and Mike continues to be super sweet in looking out for her, despite that she doesn’t give a shit about him.

When gym is done, Bella heads out to her truck, and as she’s about to go, she notices Edward standing by his car, staring at her.  Creepy.  She almost hits a car in her distraction, then pulls out and leaves, noticing Edward laughing at her as she does so.  Smoooooth.

And that’s it for this chapter, thank god.  It really did feel like that took forever to get through.  God, I hope the rest aren’t like this…my kingdom for less boring filler…